There Is No Turning Back The Clock
by Gaibriel Minuit Noire
Summary: Ethriana Lothmeirr took to the shadows naturally. Why would the Potter four notice her? It was unquestionable though. She was out in the lights and being treated like a bloody idol by the Slytherins and the shining star of Hufflepuff. No turning back now.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I started this story a long time ago. I've started up on it again and thought of posting the first chapter. Not too sure if I'll keep it going. MESSAGE OR REVIEW IF YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE POSTING THIS!!!**

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My story is of no importance. That is how all stories should start. Well, in my opinion that is. I feel the need to tell someone, anyone. Is that not why we tell our stories?

Mine starts in the new Americas. I had been born there.

I was born in the United States of America during the twentieth century. Born as an unknown orphan on the streets. Nothing special. Big city, what's new about an orphan? Right. That's what I think. Come on, we all have our problems.  
I moved though when I was five. The orphanage had to ship me to London. Family had been found. Distinguished people that were somehow relations to me.

I got put back into the System only a few days later. Dead. The whole lot of them. I had been out in the woods. I grew up in a city, so it was a new experience for my five year old self.

Someone had murdered the family of four. I spent my time out of school running the streets of London. Mum hated me not long after I turned eight. I got transferred to another orphanage for a year while ours was fixed up.

At eleven, I met a man. I glared at him. I had been in and out of foster homes all my eleven years of life. I had been pulled from the street where I had been fighting a boy.

I had dirt all over my dress. The boy in Mum's other hand was worse off. He had blood on his face, leg, and arms. The man smiled at me. My guard went up. The last people who smiled at me had adopted me and turned out to be anything but kind.

He had handed me a letter. Mum snatched it away as the aid took the boy from her. He explained that I had been accepted into a special school. Later that week he sent a boy to see me. He came with a frown and smile. He was a student in his last year. He would be gone by time I started my term.

Tom was his name. He used to live in an orphanage as well. He had smiled when he saw me tormenting the children. I looked at him curiously. A girl screamed as I caught her doll on fire. I had laughed. The kids called me evil. I smirked every time they said it.

He took me into a bar near my usual hangout. I was amazed when he opened a brick wall to a hidden part.

Diagon Alley, he called it. He took me to a bank and proved that I had money.

"After all, what pureblood family leaves a child poor?" Tom said as we left the bank.

He told me about being a witch. Told me my blood status. About the school. I got my things and returned to the orphanage until another boy came to get me.

This boy was my age. His hair was black to my deep red. He was smug as well. I became shy. I got nervous around people I didn't know.

His brother was a year or two older. I remained silent. At the train I sat alone.

Over the next few school years I melted myself into the background. I didn't talk in class. I didn't bother with my looks. I studied and kept to myself.

That was until Severus Snape found me in second year. We would study together. He respected the fact that I focused on my work. We worked together on many things. He became a friend. We didn't go out of our way for each other much.

Sixth year I became known to the school. We shall start the real story here. Delve into my life.

I sat out by the Lake with Severus by me. He was hiding from those stupid Maud-whatever boys. He was telling me of his new spells. I knew everything about him, almost, and he only knew what I told him. He knew he could confide in me.  
"Oh look, Prongs, it's Snivellus," a boy called as they came closer.  
We ignored them. I had my quill over my parchment ready to write. Severus was telling me his thoughts on the paper.

"The megroot could be used for it but I think the critical ingredient for it should be l-" Severus was cut off.

His things fell from his lap and scattered as he was lifted into the air by his ankle.

I was on my feet in seconds with my wand out and to the boy's throat. My gaze was steady as I looked the boy in the eye.

"I see you have a friend, Snivellus," the boy with my wand at his throat said smugly eyeing me.  
I pulled back. I turned away hitting him with my robe. I strode a little away while flinging my robe off. My wand was aimed at him as I stood ready for a duel. One hand over head and turned to my side to be a smaller target. I had my face blank.

"Stay out of it, Ethriana," Severus calls to me. "Don't waste your time on that filth."

"Let her try it, Padfoot," another boy from the group says.

A spell shoots at me. I twirl out of the way and push with my hand without the wand. At the same time twisting my wand through the air expertly.  
The boy flies back like a giant had swung him like a doll. Severus fell to the ground and the boy I was fighting cried out in surprise. I had his wand in hand as he stood. His face had a slash on it now. The boys looked at me with new eyes.

"Ethriana," Severus says frowning.

I stood straight and slipped my wand away. I ignored the boys as I flicked the wand from the boy. Severus's things gathered and went into his bag.

"Boys are so pathetic," I drawl throwing the wand at the boy.

I leave after gathering my things.

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** MESSAGE OR REVIEW IF YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE POSTING THIS!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

The next day the boys follow me down a hall. Lily walked with me, along with Trinity Melbourne. Lily and I walked with our backs straight and our heads held high. Trinity kept glancing back and frowning at them.

"Why are the Potter Four following us?" she asks on our way to the library.

"Does it matter?" Lily asks rhetorically.

"Ethriana?"

"Stupid boys, leave them be," I drawl in my dark voice.

"Sometimes I wished you talked more," Trinity sighs.

"I talk when needed. There is no reason to waste my breath on frivolous chatter when it is not needed."

"I hear you beat Sirius Black in a duel the other day," Lily says changing the subject. "Severus told me about it. Did you really have to be so harsh?"

"Dogs never forget a lesson when there is a little pain, Lily."

"Why must you be so?" Trinity sighs again. "It is a wonder that you are in Hufflepuff and not Slytherin."

"Hat's fault."

"Trinity!" One of the boys calls.

"Lily!" another calls.

They stop and glare. I stop and just gaze at them like they are a waste of time. Sirius Black eyes me.

"Who is your friend?" Black asks with a smirk.

"Oh leave it be, Black," Lily says.

"I've never seen her before," he continues, ignoring Lily's retort.

"She has been going to Hogwarts as long as we have been. Maybe if you all weren't so pigheaded you would notice other people," Lily snips.

"Calm, Lily," I drawl resting a hand on her shoulder.

Trinity and her look at me. I smirk.

"If he wishes to know there are ways of finding out. But till then we have better things to do, or at least I do."

I turn in a whirl of my robes. I walk away calmly. Trinity rushes after me.

I became a new target of gossip. Black would follow me around every now and then.

"Severus," I drawl entering the empty classroom.

"Severus?" a male asks with a light hint of humor in his voice.

"I think she means Snivellus," another boy drawls.

"Ethriana Lothmeirr," the first boy says sideling over to me.

He circled me. My long red hair covered some of my face.

"How nice to see you," Sirius says cockily.

"Unfortunately the feeling is not mutual," I drawl watching him. "What do you want?"

"To know more about you. Like what you do in your free time, how you've been, etceteras."

"It is none of your concern, Black. I have things to do."

"Such as?"

"Work."

I left then. I had a few things to attend to. Lily smiled at me when she saw me enter the library. Unfortunately, the boys followed. I set my book down and pulled my chair out.

Sirius ... sat... in the chair. I gaze at the chair under him. I frown when he sends me a cocky smirk.

I pick my book up with a frown.

"Lily, I'm going to my commons."

She sends a glare at the boys before smiling at me. I turn and leave the group.

I didn't get far before I heard footfalls rushing after my brisk steps. Black.

He strolls casually next to me. I was unsure of how to handle it. People were looking at us, me. I don't like it much. How should one who is used to the shadows handle one of the most popular boys drawing attention to them?

"So you're Hufflepuff?" he asks breaking the silence.

"Obviously," I drawl like one had to be mentally retarded to not notice.

"I'm Sirius Black," he says holding his hand out.

I stop in my tracks. He was not cocky or show-offish when he spoke. He sounded like a normal person. It threw me off. I stare at him. Assessing. I'm used to being ignored or spoken to like a normal person. Black had a nervous look in his eye. Black, nervous?

I furled a brow at him. He reminded me of the day Dumbledore came. Reminded me of those people who tried to make me feel like a little child in need of guidance. I frown.

"Are you trying to be funny, Black?" I drawl noticing how harsh my usual dark voice sounded. I was taken aback by it. "What are you getting at?"

"We got off on the wrong foot. I thought we could start on a new leaf."

He smiled. Smiled, not smirked. I was stunned. Black, the Sirius Black, was talking to me. He had his hand held out. I kept my gaze on the hand and my arms holding my heavy books to my chest.

"Why? I'm a nobody. Why are you doing this?" I ask, not as harshly now. "You're the Sirius Black, known for playing pranks on people like me. I'm not special or anything."

"You must be if Lily likes you. I thought I would try something new. I saw that you have few friends and thought I would give it a shot. I'm not asking you to be the friend of the Sirius Black, but the friend of a regular guy."

I thought it odd. Why me? Was this about my fight with him? I shift my load of books as I focus on his sincere eyes. I resisted the urge to delve into his mind.

"Besides, it's good to have some one who could kick your arse on as a friend so they won't and we could use help when it comes to things."

"Lily."

He smiles. I eye him again. My hand out stretches to meet his. My small, pale, cold hand looks fragile in his and my long fingers look unearthly compared to his.

That was the first time I was aware of my small form. 5 foot 2 inches and a thin petite frame was not as common as I thought. Lily said I was like her own fairy.

"Ethriana Lothmeirr," I say lifting one corner of my lip in what some call almost a smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: I've recieved two reviews so far. So thanks to xEternalMidnightx and Ninja (tried putting your whole name but it keeps deleting the first parts of it. Sorry!) ****I'm posting the next two chapters. For your information I'm on chapter 34 right now. So I tink I'll post more than two. No promises. **

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The next day I sat with Severus out by the tree. Again we were working. Well, Severus was and I was reading my book on famous witches and wizards, most of them were dark though.

Severus quit talking suddenly. A shadow fell over my book. I glanced up. Sirius Black. No friends.

He sits down ignoring Severus. He looked aggravated. He glared at the Lake.

"Why are girls such pains in the arse?" Black asks after a long pause.

I looked up from my book again. I looked him in the eye without flinching.

"What ever do you mean?"

He looked at the Lake. Silence fills the area again.

"I believe he means his girlfriend," Severus drawls.

"What?"

Dating was still a new concept to me.

"His girlfriend broke it off."

I frown.

"You mean Cynthia Chandler?" I ask.

Severus nods before returning his focus on his work. I turn to look at Sirius Black.

"Explain." My only words or should I say word.

"She left me for a Hufflepuff," he says with disdain.

I sneer. He was waiting for my response.

I stand closing my book rather loudly. He looks up then. I was already striding across the yard to the school.

I had my head held high as he ran after me.

"I didn't mean it that way," he says quickly.

"You meant it exactly that way," I drawl without looking at him. "I understand that Hufflepuff is at the bottom of the ladder and considered to be full of useless, stupid people who couldn't make it into a real house such as Gryffindor or Slytherin but I will not stand for someone who is not a Hufflepuff themselves to dismiss my house with disdain and hint in any way that we are bellow you." I hiss while glaring at him. "We are Loyal, Black. We are the ones left unmentioned because we want to not be mentioned. We have our pride."

I turn in a whirl of my robes and swerve around Lily who had stopped an argument with Potter to watch me become angry.

"Humph!" I hear from Lily before she matches my long, quick strides. "Boys." She said it in a dismissing way.

I sat down to dinner in my own space. Most of my house seemed to clear away from me. I think it was because they think I was unfit to be close because of my lack of conversational skills.

A girl slid down to sit across from me. I paid no mind while scribbling notes down inside my potions book and eating slowly without looking away from my book.

"I'm July Setters," she says smiling slightly to me.

I look at her. I didn't feel any distrust or the way I usually felt when people smiled at me. Her smile was honest, true.  
"Ethriana Lothmeirr," I say looking at her. I would have smiled, but I never do. I believe I lack such an emotion and skill. I didn't feel that question of what to do or how to react.

A friendship started then. Turned out we shared a dorm together since first year. She said nobody dared speak to me because some were scared of me and others thought I wouldn't talk to them because I thought I was higher and/or better than them.

The next week we became inseparable. We had most classes together. She understood how awkward I was with people. Her mother was the same way.

At dinner one night I was surprised. Sirius Black sat next to me. July fell silent. I looked up at him. Expecting a reason for coming over here. It was unheard of for Sirius to not sit at the Gryffindor table.

The spot to my right became occupied moments later. The boy from the group who was Prefect.

"Why are you here?" I ask while focusing on my work. Divination.

"You said to not judge until I knew what it was like," Sirius Black says looking around at all of the now silent girls.

"He wishes to try the other shoe," the boy on my right says.

"I do not see how it will affect him. We tend to like being humble and simple. Two things I doubt Sirius Black will understand," I drawl before taking a sip of my pumpkin juice.

"I can try," Black defends while filling a plate.

"July, you were saying?" I say hinting for her to continue what she was saying.

"Well Hogsmeade is coming up and neither of us has a date."

"I don't think she has ever had one," Black says with a smirk.

July flushes lightly.

"Dating is something for those without interest in school or those who think they need 'love' to get on with life. Love is just another form of lust and lust is created for the mating ritual. The 'love' emotion is to keep the mates together and bring a meaning to the whole ritual for those who do not think the child is enough."

I hadn't looked up or paused in my work. They all had looks of shock.

"I have to say that is the most you have ever said," July says.

"You've never had a boyfriend, let alone a date?" Sirius says in disbelief and great shock.

I lower my brows in thought.

"That sounded insensitive to those who believe in love," I say ignoring the two for the moment. "I have had neither, Sirius Black. There is no room in my life."

"She sounds like you, Moony," Sirius says to the male on my right.

Sirius smirks.

"No," both July and the male say at once.

"July, did you ever do your work for Binns?" I ask closing my book and slipping it away.

"I might have asked a second year Ravenclaw to do it," she says with a smile.

I roll my eyes and pull off my robe. It was really warm in the Great Hall. I wore the uniform without personalization. My hair was always up in a strict bun like McGonagall's.

My dark blue eyes glanced at Sirius Black. He was looking me over thoughtfully.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Sirius Black?"

"Why do you keep calling me Sirius Black or just Black?"

I opened my mouth to give my excuse. It closed when I could not find one. He smiled when he noticed.

"Do you have a fancy, Ethriana?" Sirius asks.

I gaze at him like he is an idiot. July had leaned in expectantly.

"Come on, you have to have at least one, every girl has one," Sirius urges.

"Why would I have one? My focus is on my studies. Besides, what man would ever want me? I lack emotions girls need and I'm a bookworm. I'm built with stilt legs and I look like a damnedable elf," I drawl seriously.

July slaps a hand over her mouth and fights off her laughs. She fails at it miserably.

"July is the better choice if they had to choose between her and I. Or Lily. So excuse me if I lack interest in the male population when I know my place in their eyes, invisible," I continue.

I pull my bag onto my lap. The book slips in and my quill next. Sirius put an arm around my shoulders.

My face flushed. I threw the arm off of me. I sent a glare at him. Sirius looked hurt. July quickly moved to explain.

"She doesn't like to be touched. As for finding a date? People are not her forte," July says letting an exasperated sigh out.

"I'm Remus Lupin," the brunette boy on my other side says with a soft smile, rather honest smile at that, and an offered had.

I glance at it without frowning. My hand slowly reached out and lightly took his.

"Ethriana Lothmeirr," I say looking him in the eye.

"Ana," July says with a smile.

"Don't call me Ana."

"How about Riana?"

I don't respond. I look at her waiting for her to continue. She smiles again.

"So I thought we could work on your outfit tonight and try to work on your habits," she says in a matter of fact tone.

"Habits?"

"You push people away. Your hair is always up. You rush away from groups. Avoid social interaction. You spend your free time with Snape."

I frown at her.  
"What is wrong with Severus?" I growl defensively.

She blushes at her blunder.

"I just meant to say that you have a small circle of friends."

"Do not lie to me," I hiss. I soften my tone and continue. "He has been a close ... friend since second year. We work together on our studies. He understands me."

"Ethriana," July says hesitantly. "I didn't mean to insult him. I know how proud you are of your friend. I'm just saying you should spread your horizons."

"Pardon my defensiveness," I drawl lowering my head a little, "I let myself react without thought."

"Either way," Sirius says looking around. "I have a few friends in need of dates. I can set you up."

"I don't know," July says eying him with suspicion.

"Might as well give in," Remus Lupin says, "He will not take no for an answer."


	4. Chapter 4

July was throwing things out of my trunk and dresser. Everything was top of the line and classy without many attention grabbing things. She had a black flowing skirt that went to ones knees on the bed.

She came out of my trunk with two shirts. A simple white one and a blue blouse to bring my eyes out. She threw the blue one at me. I slipped into the clothes and she put a pair of slip on heals in my hands. I put them on and frown.

"Stilts are not good," I say while brushing my hair.

An hour later I came up from the dungeons frowning. July was glowing. I had a blasted purse.

Sirius smiled at us and gave me a second glance. He lit up.

"Do you have make-up on?"

"Shut up," I hiss while flipping my straight hair out of my face. "I feel like an idiot."

"Be quiet, Riana," July says fluffing her hair.

"Why must I come? I could be on a couch reading."

"You need to interact with people more. Besides Sirius got us dates."

"Speaking of," Sirius says smiling to cover a frown. "I couldn't find anyone willing to go with you, Ethriana. None of them knew you."

I smirked. Maybe trying to be interactive would be good for me. Hide myself. I can do this.

"So what did you do?" I ask.

They look shocked.

"Wormtail," Sirius calls.

A blushing boy shorter than myself came over. He had light blond hair and resembled a rat ever so slightly. He was shy and fidgety.

My eyes snap to July and Sirius.

"This has to be a joke," July says hastily. "Peter Pettigrew?! He is not what Riana needs."

"Then who do you suggest?" Sirius asks calmly.

"I don't know, but someone who will not stutter at her."

"Stuttering is a sign of weakness," I drawl while looking down my nose at Peter. "Come," I drawl to the small boy.

He rushes to follow me. July looked hesitantly after me. I leave the two behind.

"Where to?" I ask as we reach the little village.

I stood looking over books while Peter held them. I slipped the book in hand back. It was a book on common spells for make-up and such. I pause and pull it back out, setting it on top of the others.

I saw July walking with Sirius. They both stopped and pointed at me through the window. I was watching them from the corner of my eye. I had been away from them for hours.

"I think that is it, Peter," I say taking the books from him. The magical bag on my arm was pushed up with my purse.

While putting them in the bag July came in with Sirius not far behind. She smiled at me. I had been working on smiles all day. I found it easy to put the mask on.

I half smiled at her. It wasn't a fake smile. She stopped.  
"You just smiled."

"So? I thought if I tried to seem more 'friendly' then people would like me more. Break old habits and such," I say waving it off.

"I'm so proud," she squeals hugging me.

My lip lifts a bit into a sneer as I try not to shove her away. She steps back quickly after noticing that I wasn't hugging back.

She pats my shoulder.

"That is alright, we just have to work on it," she says linking her arm with mine. "Not everyone is going to hurt you when they touch you. Besides, you're skilled enough to protect yourself if they do."

She leads me from the shop. Sirius walks with Peter behind us.

"How is your date going, mate?" Sirius asks Peter.

"Good I guess," he says shyly.

July pulled me into another shop. I frown at her. A clothing shop.

"We are going to add some personality to your clothes. To you," she says pushing me in.

"Must we waste money? I have clothes already."

"Clothes are never a waste."

She pulled as many clothes off racks in my size as she could. I was shoved in to a huge changing booth with her.

She held clothes up to me and threw the ones she didn't like over the door to Sirius. A few hours later and galleons later we finally left. She had shoved most of the things in to the magic bags from the shop. I had my arms covered in bags as we went to the Three Broomsticks.

Lily sat at a table with Trinity and her date. I went right for them. They looked shocked to see me.

"Ethriana, what are you doing with make-up on?" Lily asks looking me over.

"July made me dress up for my forced date."

We all sat and Sirius went over to his friends, dragging Peter along.  
"Date?"

"I'm trying to assimilate her to the world," July says with a smile.

Lily and Trinity smile and they all start to gossip. Sirius came over not long after. Lily ignored him.

"So, Peter was a bad choice," he says matter-o'-factly. "So we try to get her out there and have Boys ask her. Get a date to the Halloween dance."

"I do not thi-"

"So who do you fancy?" July pushes. "We have to know who to aim for."

I sit back in my chair and gaze at them. Should I say? It is supposed to be a secret.

"Theodore Revette," I mutter with a flush.

Silence surrounds the group.  
"Theo? The Theo? Hottie from Slytherin who is actually kind to others?" July asks disbelievingly.

"That Theo. Now you see why I ignore the thought of crushes. He is far from my league and wouldn't pass a glance my way."

We change topic not long after that. I had left early with Lily. Potter caught us out by the carriages.

"Lily, are you going to the game tomorrow?" he was flustered and ran his hand through his hair frequently.

"Of course. I always go to the games. Trinity and Ethriana always make me go," she says sending me a look to not contrast her.

"Alright then," he says turning to leave.

I went with Lily to the library. We were just reading in the chairs by the window in the back.

The next day I was taken from the shower. July had some of the new clothes. A green blouse and slim black jeans that both drew attention to my curves and form. She pulled my hair up into a ponytail and left my bangs down. They tilted down like a curtain.

Silver eye shadow went on and silver bands on my wrists. She used a spell to paint my nails silver.

I had been working on my smile all night. Work on the skill and better yourself.

I met up with Sirius, Lily, Peter, Remus, and Potter in the Entrance Hall. They looked taken aback by the green and silver. I smiled at them.  
"Best to start early," July explains to Lily and Sirius.

I walked ahead of the boys with Lily and July. We found a spot in one of the less crowded Hufflepuff towers. Severus joined us. He eyed my clothing choice and raised a brow.

"There he is," July says loudly, pointing toward Theodore.

"Slytherin is such an odd house," Lily says thoughtfully.  
"Be that as it may, but they sure do know how to let go. Best parties are in Gryffindor but the class is in Slytherin."

They yelled when the teams came out. I sat by the railing with Severus.

Potter caught the snitch, but Slytherin had the most points. We left in a hurry, July wanted to go to the party.

Severus gave me the password to his commons at the start of the year. He had mine as well. He walked with us to the commons. Lily had left us to go to her commons. Gryffies were not welcome where we were going.

The party was in full swing. July dove right in, dragging me behind her. I stood close to her in the large crowd. I drank nothing as she drank what ever they had. She was social.

I escaped her to sit with Severus on the couch. I slipped my tiny book from my pocket and sat back.

July fell on top of me later.

"Wat is you doin'?" she slurred.

"Reading," I reply with a frown.

"Here," a boy says offering her a drink.

I frown. She took it happily. I snatched it.

"Hey!" he says trying to give it back to her.

I push him away. My sneer of distaste was in place. July was loopy. She lay in my lap giggling and sluggish. The drink had fizzed as he handed it to her.

I pulled July closer to me as I threw the glass on the floor at his feet. We were making a scene. July fell limp in my arms as the boy started to yell something at us.

I ignored him and laid July down on the couch. I bent over her examining her. Drugged.

"What are you doing, you lesbian?!" he yells as I pull out my purse.  
I flip open the pouch quickly. July was shacking on the couch. I measured the potion quickly.

It was thrown to the floor as I was pulled from her. The male was yelling in my face.

"Severus, measure that out," I say turning to face the boy.

I listened to him then. Yelling insults at me about July.

"Trying to rape that skank?" he sneers.

My wand was out in seconds.

"Insult me all you want," I hissed with my wand pointed at him, "But you do not insult my friend when she cannot fight back. You have gone too far."

"Going to tickle me?" he laughs at my wand.

He fell to the floor. Slashes on his face.

He cried out in pain.

"She is allergic to litrap root. The drug you have given her could kill her," I hiss darkly stepping toward him. "Whatever pain she has I will give you trifold. You filthy excuse of a pureblood. Slither back to your hole and leave me before I kill you."

My wand is slid away in the blink of an eye. I turn and put the things away. Her skin was deathly pale. The potion would only hold it off for a bit.

I pushed the female out of my way and lifted the limp girl up. My purse hug from my arm.

I pushed from the commons and jogged toward the Hospital Wing. The door opened to Sirius and Remus. I had sweat on my brow and pushed threw them.

I put the shivering girl on a bed and brushed the hair from her face. The boys came over as Pomfery went to get what she needed.  
The doors burst open and the boy I had slashed came in. I sent a glare at him. He had fainted. Blood soaked his shirt.

"Just let him get better," the Slytherin boy asks as I sit up to go for the boy.

"If I catch him in the halls he is dead," I drawl while looking the boy in the eye and not blinking.

He nodded as Pomfery gave me the medicine I needed for her. I lifted July's head with a gentleness that I rarely had. Sirius helped me hold her weight. I poured it in her mouth and gripped it shut.

Her eyes shot open. She was struggling to open her mouth and spit it out. I held her to me as she shivered. I pulled the trash can over quickly. She grabbed it and I pulled her hair back as she released the liquid that was being purged from her body.

I sat stolid as she gripped the can.

"Miss Lothmeirr, can you help this boy while I take care of Miss Setters?" the nurse asks.

I stand as she takes my place. There was more that needed to be done. I pile my long hair up into a bun as I stride over. The supplies floated out of her office.

I grab scissors and cut the shirt off.

"Lift him," I say to the boy who had brought him.

I tear the shirt off the boy. It was all quick fluid movements that were soft and gentle. I cleaned the wounds.

"Remus, will you get the cream in the blue jar?" I ask while cleaning.

He holds it out to me. I slather it on the wounds on his chest and abdomen. The boy lifts him again. With a wave of my wand the bandages wrap around him.

I lean over his face and wave my palm over the slashes. They knit together and looked like nothing happened. I stand and send a warning look at the Slytherin boy.

I turn and smile at Remus. It was so easy to smile now. July was a sleep on the bed.

We were pushed out of the room. I sighed and leaned against the wall. Remus stopped with Sirius to stand with me.

"What happened?" Remus asks sounding sincere.

"We went to the party in the Slytherin Commons. July only drank a little. The boy was putting drugs in her drinks. Litrap root was one of the main ingredients. She's allergic to litrap root."

"Where did you learn the spell used on the boy?" Sirius asks eyeing me with an appraising look.

I gave him a look. His brow raised as he smirked.

"No wonder some are scared of you," he laughs.

"I'll walk you to your Commons," Remus says kindly.

I get caught off guard by it. I give a weak smile.

"Why did Pomfery make you heal the boy?" Remus asks as we walk down toward my commons. Sirius and Remus walked with me between them.

"I'm in there everyday."

"What for?" Sirius asks.

"My class. She is teaching me so when I become an auror or such I will be a medic."

Remus smiles at me as Sirius looks at me in disbelief. I rub my temple.


	5. Chapter 5

The next few days I was in the Hospital Wing every free chance I had. Sirius or Remus would force me to leave for meals or curfew.

I was there when she woke. She was free to go now. I smiled at her as I helped her up and took her to the Commons to get a shower and such.

"I've done your school work," I say as we walk into the Great Hall for dinner. She smiles thankfully.

"Thanks. I should have been more careful," she says hugging me.

"It was nothing."

"I won't mention it."

James and Sirius fell onto the bench on either side of me. Both had huge smirks.

"There is a rumor spreading," Sirius starts.

"That a hot girl showed a Slytherin Seventh year what a true Slytherin is," James continues.

"Word is that she gained Slytherin respect and reputation."

"Lashed out at the male for drugging a friend and disrespecting her."

"One spell knock out."

"Spell not in the books."

"Rumor also says that she threatened his life. Also says she has guys gunning for her now."

Both smirk proudly. I drop my head to the table and let it smack the wood. July had made me dress up a bit while in the dorm. Straighten my hair and personalize my uniform. She took the vest from me and put a belt around my thin hips. The robes were left off.

"So it is you," James says smirking more.

"Quiet, Potter," I snap as girls at the table close to us tried to listen in.

"You're moving up in the world, Ri Rye," Sirius says slinging an arm around my shoulders.

I blush. I hadn't meant it as a way of playing tough. July smiles widely.  
"Ethriana," July says happily, "You should sit with Severus. Act like James and Sirius are bugging you and sit with him. You do it all the time anyway."

I open my mouth to argue. It snaps shut. I could try that. I frown and push Sirius' arm off me. Standing I grab my small bag for my class in the Hospital Wing.

I turn and head over to the Slytherin table. A few eyes turn up to watch me. Whispers light up in some places and a few guys at the table I was headed for watched.

I set my bag down on the floor as I sit calmly next to Severus like I would any other day. I acted as if I belonged there.

Severus looked up at me taking in the change. I smile at him. He freezes and stares at me in shock. I turned my attention to my plate. July and Sirius were in a conversation while glancing at me every now and then.

"Has he bothered you?" Severus asks while we look at our plates.

"Who?"

"Davies."'

"The one from your commons? No. Haven't seen hide nor hair of him."

"He is scared to death of you," the girl across from us says looking up.

"Narcissa Black," she supplies as I just gaze at her.

"Ethriana Lothmeirr," I drawl right back after a pause.

"Why now?" she asks after looking me over. "You were in the shadows for so long, why come out now?"

"I didn't ask for it. Sirius kind of forced me out. He thinks I need this."

"I detest my brother."

"Severus is astronomy called off because of the storm?"

"Yes but we have to go tomorrow."

I sigh and put my fork down. I stand after a second. My bag is lifted to my back as I head over to Gryffindor. The Marauders or whatever looked up as I tap Remus on the shoulder.

He seems shocked by me singling him out. I slip a vial from my bag and hold it out.

"She asked me to deliver it to you to save you the trip," I say as he pockets it.

I smile at Lily before leaving. Pomfery likes to work after dinner since I had a full schedule.

I left the Hospital Wing later than normal. It was around midnight. I took my time to relax in the quiet halls.

"Shh!" someone whispered from around the corner.

I pause for half a second. I stroll around the corner calmly. Shoes showed under a tapestry. I stopped and gazed at them. My hand reached into my pocket and rest on my wand.

"Come out from behind there, boys," I command.

"Bugger," one boy groans.

The Potter Four come tumbling out. I raise a brow at them. Sirius and James act calm and cocky. They all look at me surprised. My hand slips from my pocket. All of them notice it.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Sirius asks smirking cockily.

"I should be asking you three that."

"Three?" Peter asks stupidly.

"Remus is a Prefect. You three are not."

"Neither are you," James points out.

"I however have right and reason to be here."

"Which would be?" Sirius asks rising a brow and trying to seem charming.

"Are you hitting on me?" I ask in disbelief and taking a stunned step back. My cheeks had flushed and everything.

"I might be," he drawls stepping closer.

I step back without thought. I get flattened against the wall as Sirius continues to advance on me.

"Stop," I demand with my wand out and keeping him from coming closer. This brought back bad memories.

My flush had turned to my skin paling in fright. My eyes were wide in fear.

"C-come any closer and I-I'll hex you," I warn in a quivering voice. I sounded like a scared child. I looked like one.

Sirius quit smirking then. He looked concerned. His hand reached out for me.

"Petrificus," I hiss.

His out stretched hand fell like a rock. He looked shocked for a moment. I was fighting off my scared reaction. Anger. Anger took over.  
I pushed from the wall and took a deep breath.

"Never do that, Black," I growl while slipping my wand away. "Either way I have work to do yet."

"Ri, what was that about?" Remus asks softly.

I look away from them all. I reached up and yanked my tie from my neck.

"Forget this ever happened. Don't mention it," I say looking down the hall.

I rush down the hall away from them as fast as I could.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day Remus sat next to me in Potions. July sat with Sirius. I worked quietly. My head stayed down.

"Are you alright, Ethriana?" Remus whispers as we work on the sleeping drought.

"Just memories, Remus. Everyone has them. I just seem to react more to them."

"Miss Lothmeirr," Slughorn says happily looking down at my potion. "Why have you not come to my meetings?"

"Other things going on while they are, Sir," I say while looking at the blade in my hand.  
I set the root on the cutting board. I slammed the blade down on the thickest part. If I sawed at it the juices would drain out. Work fast.

I diced the root quickly like a chef would. I slid half of the diced root over to Remus.

"I have a class during your parties. I could try for tonight's party. But I would need to leave early. Astronomy," I continue.

My hands were still moving. I had the root in and my hand stirring the potion.

"I would be happy if you tried," Slughorn says while watching my tiny hands work.

I pulled the wooden spoon from the cauldron. The next ingredient said to be diced. I ignored it and put a strainer over a bowl. I ground the leaves down with the ingredient that shouldn't be added for another few steps. Remus watched as I ground the juices out of both ingredients.

I poured the juices in and stirred counter clockwise. It turned bright pink. I quickly dropped some of the pasted ingredients in from when I ground the juices from them.

The hand would move clockwise then shift the other way every stir. Slughorn seemed interested, but about to stop me. I ignored the world as I dropped the last ingredient in whole. A puff of silver smoke came out of the milky silver liquid now in my cauldron. I slowed my stirs down, then stopped all together. I grabbed my flask and ladled some potion into it.

Remus pushes a piece of parchment toward me. I look down.  
Who was it?  
I frown at the paper. I snatch his quill and place the ink between us. I scribble a response quickly.

What do you mean?  
The person who made you fear people touching you.

My eyes widen. I keep looking down. What should I say? The truth.

An adoptive parent.

He looked at me, surprised. He wrote quickly.

Adoptive? I would never have pegged you as an orphan. How long?

My whole life.  
I gave him a look that said the subject was over. He wrote still.

What is going on with you and Sirius?

I rise a brow at him before responding.

Nothing that I know of. I think he is my friend.

Think?

Not too experienced with friends. Only had a few before this year. Sev., Lily, and Trinity.

Why?

. . .

Alright. . . So how is it going with Theodore?

I do not know. I never liked him. Made it up to get July and Sirius off my back.

You made it seem like you were embarrassed to let them know.

Good acting. Have to be to be this way. Stolid is not appealing. Well that is what Sirius and July said. I've had to adapt to showing emotions.

He looked up at me shocked. He smirked.

Prove it.

How?

Flirt with Sirius. For the rest of class and day.

I smirk at him. I slip from my stool and slide over to Sirius. I lean across him to grab the flask with his name.

"Slug's busy. Here," I say slipping some of the potion from my large flask into his.

I smile as I slip away from Sirius. I slide back onto my stool. Slughorn turns as Sirius clears his cauldron.

Sirius smirks as he butters Slughorn up. Remus watches as the bell rings. I gather my things up and rush away from Sirius with a shy blush. July rushes after me.

"What are you doing tonight?" she asks as we walk to our Commons to switch our books out.

"Class after dinner, Slug Club, then Astronomy. Why?"

"I need help on an essay."

"Come to the Hospital Wing after dinner."

We enter the Commons. A girl in our year rushes over to us. The gossip of our House and year. Whitney Scott.

Total ditz. Perfect example of the Hufflepuff everyone pictures.

"When were you going to tell me?" she demands with a frown. "You just shot out of the shadows to talking with the populars and befriending them."

She likes to emphasize words. I just look at her like I would before acting with emotions. She shut her mouth as she looked at my cold eyes and blank face.

"Why would I tell you?" I ask in my cold drawl and making sure to stress words like she does. "You gossip and start rumors. Now, why does it concern you who I speak with or befriend? Besides being in the Sirius Black Fan-Girl Club."

She looked shocked. She opened and closed her mouth like a fish. How does she think I care about her?

"I just- . . . I didn't mean to bother you."

She walked away. I lead the way to our dormitory. July sits on her bed while I switch my things.

"That was kind of mean."

I pause, caught off guard.

"How do you want me to handle the gossip?"

"A kinder way."

"Then I shall try next time."

She smiles at me as we leave. The Commons was calm as always. July opened the door laughing at something I said.

"So you're going to do that all night now?" she laughs.

She stops and sobers quickly. A group of Slytherins were standing close to the door to our Commons. I ignore them. I had my arm linked with July's so I used it to gently lead her on.

"Of course. I don't like him that way though. So it shall be a game. Not that hard to flirt. Bat your eyes here, blush there, compliment every now and then, smile. Easy. Besides he will know it's just a joke."

"You are so mean. First Whitney, now Sirius Black. When ever will you settle down and be serious about boys, maybe even kind to some people?"

"Boys? Serious? I'm always serious. Studious even. Boys we meant to be ignored like girls for me. School first. Frivolous things like love are far from my thoughts."

"What about Severus Snape?"

"He found me. We are just friends. Speaking of. It is about time for our book exchange."

A first year ran into me as we went around a corner. My books flew out of my hands. I juggled my crystal ball. I caught it and held it close.

The first year Hufflepuff was stuttering away. I sent him a look as I bent to gather my things after putting my crystal ball in my bag.

"Here," I say holding out his Beginner's Guide to Potion Making.

"Thank you," he says trying to ignore the laughing Slytherins.

"Shut up," I snap at the group of boys laughing.

They smirk as I stand with my books. One stepped out the group. I don't know any of them. He was tall with long white blond hair.

"What's your name?" he asks eying me.

"In polite society it is considered rude to ask someone's name without giving yours," I drawl, calmly looking at him as if he was uninteresting.

He smirks more.

"Lucius Malfoy," he drawls eying me.

"Ethriana Lothmeirr," I drawl back.

My drawl sounded more natural and true. His sounded like he had to practice his for years. I smirked.

I turn on my heel without further or do. July giggled as she kept pace with my long, quick strides.  
I giggled as I sat with Gryffindor for dinner. July sat to my right; Sirius, left. He looked confused. Lucius entered the Great Hall with his mates.

He searched the room. He smirked at me when he spotted me. I sent him a dry look. I turned away.

"So, Siri, how are you?" I ask smiling at him.

"What was that about?" he asks still watching Lucius and his gang.

"Oh, they followed us from our Commons. His name was Lu or something," I say like it was the most frivolous thing. "So, how was your day, Siri?"

Remus raised a brow at me. I sent him a wink out of the corner of my eye. Sirius smirked as he noted us sitting at Gryffindor.

"Good. I didn't have to fail that potion, Slug let me out of detention. -Siri?" he asks just noticing the name.

I gave him a sweet, innocent look.

"Do you not like it?" I ask in a hurt voice and sounding like those ditzy girls he dates.

"It's-" he stopped speaking to look me over.

He took in how my hair was in a bun with my bangs framing my face. I had a clear lip-gloss on. My cloak was hanging open. My tie was loose, my shirt was unbuttoned at the top, and I had a small silver cross around my thin neck.

He smirked.

"How is it going with Theo?"

"I don't know," I say biting my lip lightly. "He won't notice me. No one does."

I let my head fall on his shoulder as I let out a deep sigh.

"Nobody likes me that way. What is it that I do wrong? I smile at them, giggle, and everything. Everything the other girls do," I pout.

I sit up as his arm lifted to go around my shoulders. I acted the part and played oblivious. I lift my drink and send Remus a wink.

I drink slowly. I drink every drop slowly without pause. Sirius' eyes watched hungrily. I set it down on the table when it was empty. It filled again.

"I'm not even sure I want Theodore anymore. He is Slytherin, not funny, and he isn't on the Quidditch team."

Mention his favorite points.

"Besides, there are cuter boys out in the sea. Anyone who thinks a cat, who's face looks to have been beat in with a shovel, is adorable must be dumb and I don't want a dumb boy."

Sirius laughs. I smile at him. Remus smiles while holding his laugh in. The warning horn fills the room.

"See you later?" I ask Sirius hopefully.

"Sure."

I smiled happily before gathering my books and throwing my bag over my head. I rush away and give him a backward glance with another smile.


	7. Chapter 7

July giggles as I drop the girlish ways I had practiced with Sirius. She thought it was funny. I smile at Lily as we pass her. I had Divination. July split from me as I strode down the halls.

"Ethriana!" somebody calls rushing after me.

I turn to see who it is. Theodore Revette and his close friends, Lucius Malfoy and Regulus Black. I watch them with my normal look of indifference.

"What is it?" I drawl while looking at them.

"Do you have a date to Hogsmeade this weekend?" Theodore asks with a nervous smile and ruffling his hair. How like James Potter.

"Not that I know of."

I eye the others wearily. They watch me as well.

"Would you go with me?"

My eyes snap to him. Should I act girlish? What should I say?

I open my mouth. Snap it shut to glare at the smirking Malfoy.

"Something funny?" I demand of the boy.  
"Yes."

My eyes focus more on him and I sneer.

"What was your name? Lu- something or other. What, exactly, do you find humorous?"

"You're rather short for your age."

My glare turns to disdain. I flip my hair from my face. My dark blue eyes were furious. One hand hung at my side.

"You think my height is humorous? Do you find it humorous when I tell you that I think you remind me of an ogre trying to pass as a snide wizard?"

He sneered at me. He didn't.

"Do not insult me. Height is a frivolous thing. The power of the person is what matters. As it is, you are of average height so my 'thought' is void."

I let a bright smile out. Fake. They didn't know.

"As to your offer, Theodore, I would be charmed."

I smile once more before climbing up the ladder and into my class. I sat down in my place in the back of the room. Professor Carlton sat at the table up front.

The class was a mix of all four houses. A Seventh year Hufflepuff boy sat at my table. He smiled as he sat. Handsome. I pulled my crystal ball out and placed it on the silver stand from my bag.

"Welcome, class," Prof. Carlton says with a smile. "We will be working on the reading of crystal balls. Last year we worked on seeing the past. The year before that was the future in general. Now we work on the immediate future. Everyone wishes for the insight of the immediate future. Today just work on Seeing in general. A whole summer, and I know most of you have not practiced."

Light laughter filled the room. I smiled lightly. It was becoming second nature going on first when it came to seeming normal with smiles and such.

I faced my ball as the whispers slowly dissolved into a peaceful silence. My eyes fell on to the pleasant crystal. My mind slowly cleared of thoughts.  
My focus zoomed in on a swirl of smoke forming in the center of the crystal. Forming. My mind fell into the shapes, the scene.

I gazed down upon the scene. I stood in the dark. The forest around me was unnaturally quiet.

I looked up at the sky. The moon hidden by clouds. The strong glow still lit the night. Beautiful. Peaceful. Sere-ne...

My heart skipped a beat. The bag on my back seemed heavy after that heart chilling howl. I slowly glance over my shoulder.

*Thwap!*

The clatter of me falling from my stool brought more attention to me. The left side of my face stung. The Professor stood over where I had sat not long before.

I felt something warm and wet on my lips. Lifting my hand I touch it. Thick and sticky. I pull it away to see.

Blood. I was calm. Besides getting slapped by my teacher. I look up. His lips were moving. I blink the ringing from my ears.

"Sorry, what?" I ask using a hanky from my bag the wipe my nose.

"You wouldn't blink. What did you see?" he asks crouching down next to me.

"Nothing too important since you cut the vision short," I snap dryly at him. "It was just revealing itself to me when you so kindly slapped me," I hiss while standing. "Why ever did you think of that? Of course, hit the student while she is in mid-vision. Thank you ever so much for the nose bleed and impending bruise."

I snatch my things up while glaring at him. I push past him.

"Excuse me while I have Pomfery fix my face," I hiss.

I stride down the hall with one arm holding my books and the other holding the hanky to my nose. The whole left side of my face was red. It stung still.

"Poppy? " I call as I enter the Hospital Wing.

She turns from the boys she was speaking with. The hanky was soaked. Her eyes widened.

"I wasn't prepared for this one," I admit with a shy tent.

"Dear Merlin! What happened to you?!" Poppy Pomfery frets. "I thought you dropped the dangerous courses!"

"Unless you call Divination dangerous, do not blame me. Carlton smacked me out of a vision. The bloody git," I say hissing the last. "I have the cream for the bruise, but not the potion for a strong nose bleed. His hand is as big as that Hagrid fellow's."

Poppy gives me the potion quickly. I down it in one. She takes the empty flask and passes me a wet rag.

"Thank you," I say with a soft smile.  
"You say you were in a vision?" she asks curiously.

"Yes. I was in the woods around that shack everyone avoids. I was able to note the full moon and bag on my back. I heard a chilling howl and was about to see what it was when the twit **hit** me. What genius interrupts a vision? Let alone hits a student? His hand is close to the size of my face. What ever was he thinking?"

My nose had stopped. I quickly cleaned my face with the rag. Poppy was frowning at something. I glance at the boys. Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. All eyes on me. I lift one brow before dropping my books on a bed and lifting the flap to my messenger bag.

Poppy was frowning still. The vial in my bag came out quickly. I let a content sigh out as the cream touched my burning face.

"This sure complicates things," Poppy says sadly.

The boys still watched me as I slipped my bag off and grabbed my books. I strode across the room while pulling my robe off.

"How so, Poppy?" I ask yanking my hair into a sloppy bun. "I'm at your service for the rest of the night."

"That's just it, dear."

I turn from slipping my hat into place. The white hat was identical to hers. I pulled the apron over my head as I strode over to the group.

"Does this have anything to do with you leaving early on full moons?" I ask as I reach behind my back to tie the apron.

"It's time you knew," she says sadly.

All the boys open their mouths and spout protests. They were all mad now.

"We don't need her," snarls Sirius.

"She-" I cut James's insult short.

My wand was out. I flick it at the doors. They shut with a burst of wind and the sounds of bolts slamming into place causes everyone to shut their mouths. I slip my wand into a pocket on the apron.


	8. Chapter 8

"Is this about Mr. Lupin's moon sickness?" I ask looking at the whole group of people.

"Good, you know," Poppy says with relief.

"I've known for years," I say calmly letting a soft smile touch my lips. "How ever do you think Severus figured it out?"

"You told Severus Snape ?!" James almost shrills like a girl.

"Should have used a charm to muffle," I mutter as I look at him. I continue in a calm, smooth voice. "I found out in second year. Severus found my notes for my light reading. I didn't put names. Just things on werewolves. He pieced it out on his own. Honestly, Severus is the one who talks to me, not me to him. My thoughts are mine alone. This is Mr. Lupin's secret to tell not mine. I don't tell mine so why would I tell his?"

"Thank you," Remus says smiling thankfully at me.

His friends relax, following his lead. Poppy sits in a chair.

"How do you feel about them?" Sirius asks eying me.

"They are still people. He has a disease that is linked with the phase of the moon. They just let their animal out. Rather unlike us. Remus Lupin is still a good man no matter his wild side."

Where did that come from? My mind was calm. Odd. The boys looked shocked at how calm I was.

"Will you go with them tonight?" Poppy asks.

I look past them all to look out the windows.

"I guess I must. My vision consisted of my participation. Why am I needed?"

"To help them after Mr. Lupin returns to himself."

I smile at Remus. He looks unsure. His skin was paler and he looked sick. I pull a chocolate from my pocket and pass it to him. He takes it.

"I will be there."

At dinner Theodore keeps looking at me. I had changed into a black blouse, black trousers and black boots that went to my knees. My clothes used for a rough night. I used the boots for working in the dirt. The pants tucked into the boots.

July smiled at my clothes. My deep red hair was up in a ponytail and a watch graced my thin wrist. I raised a brow.

"What are you wearing?" Sirius asks as he slides into the place on my left.

"My dueling cloths and boots."

I had my blackish red wand slipped into a boot and a hunting knife in the other. The black handle made it harder to see. Plus the fact that I had a cloak covering it when I came in.

"Why? Not that it isn't pleasant to see you in," he says looking at how form fitting the pants and top are.

"They are comfortable and I move better in them. Poppy is speaking to Slughorn and Westbury about me missing. July, What essay did you need me for?"

"Um...Muggle Studies."

"Copy mine."

She smiles joyfully. I stand quickly. My cloak slips down to my ankles. Sirius stands following my lead. We leave.

We met up with the others by the whomping willow. Poppy passed me a black bag. I took my cloak off and slipped it into the bag. Turning back I paused.

They had shifted into animals. All besides Remus that is. A shaggy dog, rat, and a stag. Dear Merlin. My lip twitched as I fought off a laugh. The rat had rushed the tree.  
The dog pushed me forward as the tree stopped moving. Remus was pushed in a hole by the stag. I sent a glare at the dog as I reached the hole.

I stepped in carefully. Dark. The brush of fur on my hand alerted me to the dog at my side. I became curious as we walked. They kept me away from Remus as we walked.

My hand was lightly petting the dog as we walked. We came to a stop. Remus pushed something up. The stag leaped through, followed by Remus and the rat.

I looked at the dog. I lifted the whining dog through the hole. Remus, stag, and dog look down at me.

"Poppy said to wait here until it was time for Remus to return from his wild side," I say before closing the hole.

I lit my wand and fell to the floor. A while into notes on my books, literally, I fell asleep.

I woke to whining and scratching at the wood over my head. I sat up after throwing my book and quill in the bag.

The dog had blood on it. I rushed out to look around. Silence. The dog yipped at me from the base of the stairs.

I went up them two at a time. Lights were on in one room. I rushed in. Nothing. It was empty. I looked for the dog.

I caught sight of its tail end rushing down the stairs. I followed quickly. What is going on?  
I burst through the door to the open expanse before the house. I stepped carefully out to look around me. Silence.

I looked up at the sky. The moon hidden by clouds. The strong glow still lit the night. Beautiful. Peaceful. Sere-ne...

My heart skipped a beat. The bag on my back seemed heavy after that heart chilling howl. I slowly glance over my shoulder.

My breath hitched and I stood still. The Wolf stood gazing at me. I slowly turn to look at him. My hands slowly slipped down to my boot tops.

"Remus," I whisper in a greeting and my voice wavering. Points, I didn't stutter.

A scream of a spell escapes my mouth as he lunges at me. The red shield shoots from my wand and covers my front. He bounces off. I heave in a shuttering breath. I had forgotten to breath in that short moment.

The Wolf is not down for long. The sky was slowly lightening. I watch in horror as the dog and stag come from no where and attack Remus the Wolf.

He falls. Howls erupt from his mouth. They turn painful as the sky lightens. Slowly it fades to moans. I rush over.

The dog and stag blocked him. I push them away roughly as I slide on my knees over to the now stable Remus. Gashes and scrapes everywhere. A few dog bites.

The bag comes off. I work in a rush. My wand flashes about. The gashes start to heal faster. Bandages float about as they are put on after I put healing cream on.

I sit back a while later. I throw the things in the bag and put it on. I glance at the animals once before hefting Remus up.

I sit on the bed letting out a tired yawn. Remus was in dream land. I had forced a sleeping drought into him when he started to waken. Peter was sitting with my bag on the floor.  
The stag and dog remained. I blinked at them.

"Well?" I ask impatiently.

They leave the room. A little later Sirius and James enter in sweat pants. I roll my eyes at the slashes on both. Back to work.


	9. Chapter 9

"Should we wake her?" a deep yet smooth voice enters my dream. This voice rumbled and I felt the voice from the surface my head was on.

"She was up late patching us up," another voice says.

"She looks kind of cute," another adds.

I let a yawn out. I snuggle closer to my pillow and hold it tighter.

"She doesn't seem as scary now," the second voice says.

"Shush," I demand in a sleepy mutter. "Sleep."

Silence. I smile as my head shifts on the pillow. Thump. Thump. My eyes fly open.

I sit up and pull away from the bare chest my head had rested on. Remus smiles shyly at me. My face flushes a red that would battle my hair.

I stand and look at my watch. 9:57.

"Merlin!" I cry out. "I'm going to be late for my date."

I ignore the looks as I gather my things. I rush down the stairs and into the hole. Feet pound after me.

"Date?" Sirius asks as he and James catch up. I had been jogging.

"Who asked who?"

"Who asked when?" Sirius amends.

"Theodore Revette asked me on my way to Divination yesterday."

"Theodore?" James asks in disbelief.

"Good job," Sirius says thumping my back.

I groan in pain. I push on. My back hurt from when the dog tripped me. Sirius lifted me without warning. Before I could cry out I was sitting in front of the hole.

I sat stunned by the bright light of the sun. Dust, cobwebs, and dirt cover my hair.  
"Move your arse," Sirius snaps pushing me.

I fall over and gaze up at the sky. I jumped up when his head peaked out. My feet pounded the ground as I ran for the commons.

Girls yelled as I threw the door open. Most were dressing. I push past them and into the shower. I didn't care if the door was open and a girl was putting make-up on.

I was out quickly. I pulled on a white blouse and white flowing skirt. My hair was hanging down in wet locks. My watch was on and I had a white clutch.

I ran out of the dorm and Common jumping and trying to get my heels on. I jumped in place while one didn't want to go on.

A hand held my elbow to steady me. I put the shoe on and stood, flipping the hair from my face. I blush. My blue eyes locked on to his brown ones. His brown hair was messy, but cute.

"Sorry about that. Woke up late," I say dropping the acting over my normal indifference.

"It is alright. You're only a little late. So, fashionably late," he says smiling at me.

I smile back. The short sleeved blouse was great. It was a rather warm day for fall. We went up to the Entrance with our arms linked.

Sirius, James, and Remus were there with two girls. Peter was staying for a tutoring session.

They looked at me. I waved with a smile as we went out.  
"What are the plans?" I ask as we walk into Hogsmeade.

"I thought we could look in the shops. Around noon we could go to The Three Broomsticks, if you like. Then I thought you might have some shopping you need to do."

I look around. People were noticing me again. I shrug it off as we look in a window. The joke shop. I have no use for such things. Theo walks toward the next. Quality Quidditch. He opens the door for me.  
We look at the brooms. I had a Cleansweap. That is all I need. He was telling me about the brooms.

"This is the fastest for those with skills. Slow with maneuvering. The cushioning charm is weak," Theodore explains.

He had me in here for a few hours now. I looked out the window. Sirius was out there with his date and Remus. He was looking for something. Remus was watching me. I blush lightly.

I duck away from the window as Sirius looked toward me. Theodore was oblivious to it all. His eyes were on the broom. I smiled and looked interested when ever he looked up.  
"Ethriana," a voice drawls happily from behind me.

I turn to look at the person. Sirius, pulling his date along. I lift one perfectly arched brow. Theodore had stopped and looked up.

"Sirius Black," I drawl back.

"What are you doing in here?" he asks making it seem like a fluke that I was here.

"Looking at broomsticks."

"I thought you had one."

"What do you want, Black?" Theodore asks frowning.

"Just visiting a friend."

Dear Merlin. A macho contest. I roll my eyes. Remus stood like the third wheel.

"How are you today, Remus?" I ask with a smile.

"Good. You?"

"Good, just a little peckish."

"Have you not eaten?"

"You haven't eaten yet?" Sirius cuts in. "It's almost 2. You haven't even had breakfast."

He was starting to rant. I frown. Theodore was getting angry at how he was pointing out his flaws. I grab Theo's hand.

"Excuse us while we go find some polite company," I hiss at Sirius. "Excuse me, Remus. Anna."

I lead Theodore from the shop and the stunned Sirius Black. I smile at him as he takes the lead. We enter the Three Broomsticks. It was crowded, but Theodore pushed in.

He pulled a chair out for me. I smile as I smooth my skirt and sit. He pushes the chair in before sitting next to me.  
Lucius sat with Narcissa Black. Regulus had no date. I smile at them. They nod. Narcissa smiles at me. I spot Severus at the table.

"Hello," I greet.

"How is your date?" Narcissa asks.

"Greet."

"What would you like?" Theodore asks.

"A water and salad."

Theo stands and heads to the bar. I flip my hair from my eyes. Severus passes me a book. I look at the title. Potions.

I smile as I sit back and open the book.  
"I'll give you mine tonight."

"You trade books?" Narcissa asks watching me read.

"Notes."

"Trade notes?"

"Trade notes."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

She smirks at me. I glance at her.  
"Here you go," Theo says putting my order in front of me.

"Thank you."

I eat in silence. Theodore sat with his friends. I read the book while eating. I sit for a bit.  
"What would you like to do?" Theodore asks after a while.

"I have to buy more parchment, quills, and ink. Then I thought we could stop at the sweets shop after I stop in at the book shop."

He smiles. In the book store he holds my bag and book from Severus. I stand in front of a shelf in the very back. I lean against the shelf while flipping through the book.

It was an advanced book on potions. I snap it shut and turn to grab the other book I had pulled out. I was taking my time.

"Why are we hiding back here?" Theodore ask understanding that I had come to hide.

"Sirius has been following us since we left the Quidditch shop. He won't look for me here. He hates books."

"Why is he following us?"

"I think he wants to know how the date is going or ruin it. He has been working with July on getting me a date."

"Working on what? Why?"

"I've just come out of my shell. Or how ever July explains it. I'm being assimilated to people. I'm not one for crowds or such. So she and Sirius are trying to make me outgoing and nice. Either way he has started to become a pest."

He laughed. I flushed but tried to act it out.

"I was wondering how you go from Pureblood to regular. You're good," he says looking at me in a new light.

"Does this mean I can quit acting with you? At least when not in public."

He laughs. I just look at him calmly. A head pokes around the corner. Lily and July. What on Earth?

Theodore doesn't notice. My eyes return to my book. I gather the books and straighten.

"Sweets next?" he asks offering an arm.

I loop mine with his and pay for the used books. Outside I spot James hassling Lily. Huneyduke's was crowded.  
Theo holds my bags and puts an arm around my waist. I ignored it as I found a huge box of chocolate and a box of candy sticks. Both were huge boxes.

"Stocking up?" the man behind the cash register jokes while tying a ribbon around the boxes.

"Yes. Always best to get them before the rush."

I smile as I leave with Theodore.  
"Theo act like you're telling a joke," I say glancing over my shoulder.

"Still following us? Does he do this a lot?"

I laugh and smile happily at him. Sirius looked relaxed now. Theodore smiles back.

"Only today. So why did you ask me out?"

"You looked pretty and I thought a girl who can look after herself would be a nice change. I liked how you stood up to Davies. How you talk to who ever you wish. I like your company. You don't push me to act like a Slytherin Pureblood. Or push yourself on me. Or talk constantly about frivolous things."

He smiles at me. I smile. No acting this time. I felt at ease with him like I do with Severus, Lily, Remus, and July. I didn't think I would like him.

"To tell the truth; I didn't think I would like today. I had told Sirius that I liked you so he would quit pestering me about a crush. You're different than I thought you would be."

He smiled at me. His hand slipped into mine.

"Glad I met your standards. Would you like to date? I know you're a year bellow and all, but..." He nervously pulls his hand through his hair.

I pause. What would one say? I hardly know him. I smirk up at him.

"Why not?" I ask shrugging.

He walks me to my commons and waits while I drop my things off. I come out with my hair half up in a clip.


	10. Chapter 10

Dinner.

I walk in with Theo holding my hand. I had to fight so hard on hiding my wanted/natural reaction. I sit down at his table. New people. Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Black, Bellatrix Black, Regulus Black. I do not know the others. Severus sat with us not long after. I slide my book to him.

I slowly put a small piece of meat on my plate. Corn and potatoes join it. A little roll and slices of apple too.

Ignore the looks. I kept repeating it. Lucius eyed me as I ate. Just a girl eating.

"How was your day, Ethriana?" Lucius finally asks.

I swallow my food, slowly, and take a slow drink.

"Good. Got my shopping done and relaxed."

"Where did you go after returning to school? You were gone for hours." He smirks watching me.

"Library. I needed a book for light reading."

"Light?" Theo chokes out while coughing from his drink. "It was huge. How do you read so much?"

"Easily."

"Riana," a voice demands from directly behind me.

I put my goblet down and place my napkin on the table.

"Sirius Black, just the person I need a word with," I drawl while standing.

I turn from him and stride toward the doors. In the hall I glare at him. He seemed shocked.

"What?" he asks innocently.

My hands were on my hips.  
"You. I was on a date. You followed us about all day. That alone pisses me off. Then you insult my date," I hiss as he stands with his back to the wall. "You have no right to insult him. He should insult you. You were dragging your date about like she was a doll. You are rude, Sirius Black."

I pause to take a breath. He opens his mouth. I cut him off to continue my rant.

"Where do you get off going around following me? I'm a grown woman. Theodore is a gentleman from a respectable family. He obviously knows how to treat a woman. Unlike you."

He looks shocked that I snapped at him. I turn quickly in my huff and stride back into the Great Hall with my head held high. Sirius Black comes in seconds after me.

I'm stopped by a hand on my arm. He lightly spins me around to face him. I'm frowning.

"I just thought Theo wasn't good enough for you. I was worried about your safety. I didn't mean to offend you," Sirius says.

"Theodore is kind, Black. My safety is under my own control," I drawl coldly.

"Something wrong?" Theodore asks putting his arm around my lithe hips.

Sirius released my arm. He frowned at Theo before turning on his heel. I turn away with Theo and head back to the Slytherin table.

Sirius sent me a glare the next day as he sat down. It softened quickly. We were in D.A.D.A. The Professor was Theodore's older brother. I walked in a little before the bell would ring. Most of the seats were filled. My hair was down covering one side of my face as I focused on reading Severus's Potions book.

"Miss Lothmeirr," Professor Revette says with a bright smile. He doesn't smile much.

My head shoots up with my free hand on the back of the chair I always sit in. In the back of the class. I flush as the whole class turns to look at me.

"Your essay from last class was exquisite," he praises as he comes down between the middle aisle. "Where did you find your information?"

"In one of my books, Sir," I say in my slow, soft, polite drawl with a little hesitation.

"Most of what you wrote about is in Advanced books, Ethriana. Why did you not inform your Head of House that you were in Advanced?"  
He was standing right in front of me. My cheeks were almost as red as my hair. I had the book in my hand closed and one finger holding the page open. He was looking down at me like I was his star pupil. That should be Potter or Lily. I was thankful Lily did not have this class with me.

"I like to use my free time wisely, Sir," I say meekly.

"Call me Richard," he says cutting me off.

"Sir, I am not sure that is appropriate. I am a student and you are my teacher. Professor or Sir are the titles required," I state in my strong, normal drawl.

I was not hesitant about correcting him.

"You are dating my little brother. You have every right to call me by my first name," he says with a laugh.

Girls glared at me harder now. I ignore them all and stare Richard Revette in the eyes. I was frowning at him. A few gasps had escaped mouths at the announcement of my new boyfriend.

"That has nothing to do with class, Professor," I say as I frown at the sound erupting in the room. "Excuse me."

I had dismissed him as easily as I dismiss everyone. I slid into my chair and placed my bag on the floor next to my chair. I was not so easily dismissed by him or other boys.

"Ethriana, I must insist that you sit in the front," Professor Revette says pointing to an occupied chair.

"On the contrary. That student is not very good at D.A.D.A. and needs every bit of help they can get. It is proven that students who sit in the front of the class do better and focus more. I need not focus more. I have already read the book for this class and can focus just fine from the back of the class. So I see no just cause for me to take the seat from a student who needs it," I say while looking down at my D.A.D.A. book and highlighting.

Some one snickered and the other burst out in a hearty laugh, no it sounded more like a bark. All eyes fell on the two boys. Potter and Black were basically in hysterics. Revette frowned at the boys.

"On the contrary," Black snivels like he has a stuffed nose. His nose was held up high enough to show the class his bogies. He flipped his shaggy hair as he stuck his chest out.

My face pales. I can feel my eyes burning with fire. I was watching him with my full lips bit down close to thin lines. My knuckles were white. I seethe and try to calm myself. Potter was laughing. July sat next to me in complete fear.

"Oh, Richard," Black crows like a girl trying to flirt. He makes a kissing face at the Professor. "You just know how I want you more than your brother."

My chair was flying across the floor and July struggling to grab hold of me. I was already across the room and reaching for Potter.

He had enough time to get a shocked look. He was shoved from his chair and out of my way with as much ease as I would push a leaf from my face. Sirius Black was smirking and smug.

My tiny fist was flying before Richard Revette could use a spell to stop me. Black fell out of his chair. I was sneering like any great Slytherin. My hand hurt and my knuckles were bleeding. Yes it was my blood.

Black stared up at me shocked. Richard was just as stunned as the other students. The room was silent as I glared down at Black with every bit of hate I could muster. Lily couldn't hold a candle to me when it came to anger and fury. She learned it from me.

"You ignorant pompous fool. To think girls actually like you. You need to learn manners. It is no wonder that you were disowned you fowl prat. You cease to disappoint yourself. You wonder why I never like to speak to boys such as you?" I hiss at him. "I do not speak to gits like you because you make a great arse of yourself endlessly. You do not amuse others on another's behalf. You amuse them because you degrade yourself. You are a disgrace to all pureblood and all men."

I lift my nose and stride over to my spot. July was pale and covering her mouth in horror. I snatch my things and leave for the door.

"I am sorry for the disruption in the class. I shall return tonight for detention," I drawl coldly at the door.

The door closes softly and firmly behind me. I fume as I stride down the hall. Hingleton, my Head of House was in his office. I stride in with grace and my head held high with pride. He frowns.

"What happened?" he asks putting his pen down.

"I believe I am in for detention for a while. I have just punched Black in the face and disrupted my D.A.D.A. class," I state proudly.

"I thought you liked Regulus," Hingleton says with confusion.

"Not Regulus. The Gryffindor git."

Hingleton's lip twitches as he tries to hold his laugh back. He failed. He fell back in his chair laughing so hard tears came to his eyes. I frowned at him. I did not see the humor in this matter. I had just broken a rule. I waited for him to stop and clear his eyes. His face was red from laughter.

"For that I must say you do not deserve detention."

"But, Sir, the rules clearly say that students are not to hit each other."

"Fine one night of detention for disrupting the class," Hingleton says dismissing me. "Now go find something to do until class is over. Go to lunch early."


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews. I'd like to thank ncy555, sam, and bella for the reviews. Here are some more chapters. For those who care, I'm stuck on chapter 33. I have so much I want to happen and it's hard to get it out without having to stop and think, make it all fit, not mix up scenes, and not get distracted by my boyfriend calling all the time. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and kill the person who invinted the phone. It's not good for my writing. Eitherway. Got off track. I'm posting to chapter fifteen this time. Enjoy! If you have any ideas for the story tell me in a review. I'm really open minded, people, and I love critisism. **

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I sit at the Slytherin table with my advanced D.A.D.A. book out. Students were filing in in large to small groups. I had my right hand under the table to hide my hurt hand. I had no desire to heal the marks. I wanted to remember it with joy and pride. People glanced my way as the rumor and gossip spread.

Sirius was sulking at the Gryffindor table. Theodore sat down next to me. He had not heard the rumor. It was rather unlady like to hit Black. I was still fuming so I kept my focus on the book.

Lucius and Narcissa sat down with wide smirks. Severus sat down across from me and sent me a praising look. Theodore reached down for my hand. He smiled at me as he held my small hand in his. I showed no sign that it hurt as he squeezed the hand.

He frowned at me then. He pulled his hand back from mine and held it up to examine. Sticky red blood was on his hand. He reached down and yanked my hand up on top of the table. I ignored it and kept reading.

"Riana," Theo growls as he grips my wrist tightly.

I glance at him once before turning back to my book.

"Yes, Theodore?" I ask in my regular drawl.

"What happened to your hand? Why have you not healed it?"

I glance at my hand. I acted like it had only occurred to me that it might be a problem.

"I saw no need in healing it. It can heal itself."

"What did you do to it?" he demands gripping my chin and turning my face to his. He held my chin tight enough to bruise it.

I frown at him.

"Remove you hand, Theodore Revette," I warn in a cold tone.

"Answer me," he says squeezing tighter.

"Re-move… your… hand," I hiss in my bone chilling cold tone.

"Answer me!" he snaps drawing more attention to us.

"I am warning you, Revette."

He let go of my face and gripped my shoulder. I was lifted from my seat and lead from the Great Hall. His followers were not far behind us. He pulls me down the stairs toward our commons.

I try to yank my arm from his. My free hand slips into my robe pocket.

"Bloody hell!" Theo yells releasing me so fast I stumbled.

I scream as he shoves me away. I felt nothing under my feet. My back slammed into the stairs and I flipped head over heels. The momentum had me bouncing all the way to the bottom.

I was crying like a child. My arm was cradled to my chest. My head was spinning. I could hear Narcissa's frantic calls as she rushed down to get me. I could see Theodore horror struck. He was dragged away by Lucius and his friends. I did not scream again. I whimpered and took painful breathes. Narcissa had her skirt hiked up higher than she would dare.

She was on her knees shaking her hands as she tried to think of what to do. I was lifted from the ground in a rush. I had tears down my cheeks as I gripped at the person's arm with my good hand. I knew I had more than one broken bone as one leg hung limply. Narcissa ran ahead of us. I knew the black robes of the person carrying me.

I gave a short yell as my foot from my hurt leg touched Narcissa as she held the doors to the dungeons open. Heads turned our way. Severus was walking as briskly as he dared. People rushed over.

I had no time to see faces. It was all blurs. I did hear someone yelling and Narcissa yelling back. I fainted at some point. I was up again as he walked into my second home. Pomfery was on me in seconds I was given a potion to knock me out before she put me on the bed.

My head was light with the smallest of head aches. I groan and feel the stiffness in my right leg and left arm. My eyes open at the sound of something next to me. Shifting of cloth.

Severus was not there. Theodore wasn't there either. Remus was in a chair pulled over by the bed. He had a book in his hands. July was asleep on the bed next to mine. Potter was laying across the trunk like table at the end of my bed. My eyes try to hide it from me. My mind even does. My conscience does not let me ignore it.

Sirius Black lay in the chair closest to me. I turn my eyes from him. I felt shamed. My eyes looked down at the cast on my arm. Pomfery knew how I felt about healing broken bones. Only a little to make sure it heals correctly, other than that, let it run its course.

I sigh and frown at the white gown I was in. One of the long night gowns mother had gotten me to try and make me look more feminine. It was the kind women wore in 1790 or such. She said it made me seem like one of those women in Jane Austen's stories. Mother loved those books. She bought me dresses just like the ones from that time. The gown was a crisp white.

Remus looked up at me as I stared at the roof. I hate being sick. Hurt is twenty times worse. My hand reaches out toward the table. A book sat on it and a quill that never needed ink. Pomfery or someone knew me well.

I grab the book with my good arm and place it on my chest. Remus watches calmly as I move the book to my lap. I go to sit up and something stops me. My eyes move from my lap to the arm behind my back. I look up at the face of the person. Sirius.

He has a calm look as he holds me up with one arm and fixes the pillows to hold me in a sitting up position. He gently lifts me by my sides to lean against the pillows in an upright position. He pulls the blanket up around my lap and finally sits back down.

My eyes had stayed on his face the whole time. There was a gentle care in his eyes as he worked. I watched him, unsure of how to react.

"Thank you," I mutter while looking down at my lap again.

The clock on the table said it was around 1 or 2 am. I open my book and start to read through the chapter I left off on. I had the quill in hand jotting down notes and key points. The silence was natural to me. Remus was reading again.

"What happened?" Sirius asks in a soft tone so as to not wake anyone.

The question catches me off guard and causes me to freeze. I turn my head to look at him out of the corner of my eye.

"I fell down the stairs to the dungeons," I state like it was obvious.

He frowns at me. It was then I notice the nice shiner he had around his eye.

"I mean between Theodore Revette."

I look at my book and continue to write like I had not heard him. The silence was thick and uncomfortable.

"Ri," Sirius demands in a kind tone. The kind tone that Lily used on me. I had thought she was the only one who could affect me with that tone.

I let my shoulders sag a bit. Why did I have to feel like I owe him something? I couldn't let it seem like a weakness.

"You," I say like I was stating the weather.

He is silent now. I glance at him. He was waiting for me to explain.

"I busted my knuckles on your hard face. Theodore became angry that I was bleeding and I wouldn't tell him. He was angry and gripped my wrist too tight. He did not heed my warnings and knew something was going to happen. So we left the Hall. He was hurting my hand by pulling me by it. I used a spell so he would let go. He did. Too quickly though and he accidentally pushed me. Neither of us had known the stairs were behind us. I fell," I say calmly while looking at my book. "Are you happy?"

He says nothing. Remus does.

"Theo would have hunted Sirius down."

I say nothing. I let the silence sink in.

"Theodore has been jealous of Sirius since he asked me to go on the date," I say while writing. "I have no clue why. I don't even know why I didn't tell him. I think Theo is going to be gone soon."

"Are you going to end it with him?" Remus asks.

"I believe so. I am tired of him cling to me and holding me close as he searches the halls. He seems to think that Sirius will ruin our relationship. He keeps saying that I need to stop talking to mudbloods and act as my status calls. My status is none of his concern."

"What will you do?"

"I can not go back to the way it was before. Sirius has made sure of that," I say sending a look at Sirius. "It was better when I was not noticed. Just another quiet student. Now I am almost as talked about as your group. Maybe if I stay quiet it will blow over and I can go back to the nobody I was."

Remus opens his mouth. Sirius cuts him off.

"You were always talked about," Sirius demands firmly. "Nobody knew your name though. People thought you were too high and mighty to speak to anyone. You were like the mysterious girl everyone wants to know and girls wish to be."

"I was not mysterious."

"You are. You hide your emotions and tell nothing to anyone."

I frown at him.  
"Emotions can be used against you. You fake them to confuse those who wish to use them against you."

Sirius and Remus look at me stunned.

"Do you really believe that?" Remus asks.

"What about your parents?"

"What about them?" I snap.

"Do they not show you their emotions? Smile at you?"

"I have no family. I fake for students. I fake for those who had tried to be my parents."

"Who do you not fake for?" Sirius demands with some strange emotion.

"Severus, Remus, and sometimes July or Lily."

"You fake for me?" he asks pained.

"I try to. You seem to want me to be one of those stupid Hufflepuffs that give my house the bad name. I did not act when you pissed me off. I didn't act when I met you. I only started when you started to demand that I be different."

He seems stunned. I frown.

"Mother will have me home for Christmas," I admit. Christmas break was only a few days to a week or so away. "She will pull me out. I have drawn too much attention and I am not working for what my parents wish."

I hear Sirius stop breathing and Remus stiffen. I focus on my book. I glance up at them.

"Father thinks I should be home schooled for a while. If I do well then I shall be back for Seventh year."

"I thought you had no family?" Remus asks.

"I have an adoptive home that I visit."

Sirius says nothing. If he did say something I didn't hear it. I had fallen asleep. With my quill in hand.

I woke to the sound of arguing. I turned my head to look. Severus was silent and watching the people argue by the door. It was Theodore, Sirius, and Potter.

"What's your problem?" Sirius demands, his anger was evident.

"You!" Theodore snaps. "You try and show off in front of Ethriana all the time. You are closer to her. You know her better. You can have anyone in the school and you must try and take the one I claimed."

"You don't claim women!" Potter snaps. "They are not property. They are equals."

Theodore snorts.

"She is pureblood, Potter. Pureblood women are claimed. Sirius knows what I mean. They are meant to be a companion for the husband and continue on the pureblood ways."

"Theodore," I snap. My voice was sharp, cold and to the point.

Theodore freezes and looks at me. He sends a smug look at Sirius and James Potter. He walks toward me. I sit up with Severus's help. A glare was on my face.

"Don't you dare come near me, Revette," I hiss darkly.

He stops with his foot in mid step. He frowns.

"Is something wrong?" he asks.

"Do not play with me, Revette."

I sounded colder and deadlier. He frowns.

"I am tired of your games. I am not some game. I am not a doll. I am a person. I may be pureblood, but I am not going to be some man's servant. I will not be my mother or your mother. I will be an equal."

Theodore stares at me with shock. I continue.

"Sirius is a friend. No matter how much he tests my patience. As it is you are the lower class. I am higher ranking than you in our society. I am stronger even. I will never take you for more than a boyfriend in title alone."

I take a breath.

"The way I see it I should kill you," I hiss. "You have bruised me. You knew the stairs were there. You pushed me knowing well that I would fall. Were I not injured you would answer for it. As it is I am injured. There is no doubt that my adoptive father has heard of this. No respecting family will marry their daughter off to you. I am sickened by my trust in you. I with draw every bit of friendship and trust I had for you."

"But what of the Ball?"

"Find someone else."

"Your status will go down," he growls at me.

"I think not. All of your followers saw. Drop it."

Theodore glares.

"Leave."

He turns abruptly and listens to me. I watch the door close.

"Severus," I ask in a softer tone.

He looks down at me.

"Have you written to Tom for me?"

He nods.

"Then my adoptive father knows."

I close my eyes. My head was hurting.

"I have taken care of your things."

I turn my head slowly and open my eyes. Severus had it all packed at the end of my bed. I would stay here for a while. I smile at Severus.

"Did you get my dress?"

"Will you be well enough to attend?"

I laugh. It sounded like a giggle from a girl. It was soft and light.

"I will have my leg and arm taken care of. Take my D.A.D.A. book and your Potions book if you have not already."

He smirks at me. Severus sits down in the chair and pulls out my D.A.D.A. book to read. Sirius and James Potter were talking at the door. Their loud whispered argument was not helping my head.

"Is there a reason you two are here?" I ask raising my voice so they can hear me clearly.

They look up.

"I have a headache and your voices are not helping. Argue some place else."

They leave. I close my eyes and relax. The sound of pages flipping every now and then was soothing and made me feel comfortable.


	12. Chapter 12

It was the day of the Ball at school. I was in the Hospital Wing. I had my arm in a magic sling. It was just a spell that made the sling invisible. My leg was healed. I had let Pomphery heal it.

I sat on my bed staring out the window. I had no date. I didn't want one. I was dressed. The dress was black and satin. It went to my knees. I had silver heels on. My red hair was curled and in a half up half down look. We would go to the train straight from the Ball. I had to go without a bra in the dress.

My nails were silver. Shiny pink gloss was on my lips. My eyes were black and silver shadowed. I made my eyes draw the attention. It was not hard. My deep red hair was actually red, unlike Lily's whose hair was more orange. My eyes looked darker and lighter.

I had an emerald cloak on my arm. My trunk was gone.

Pomphery smiled at me one last time. All of my belongings were removed from the room. She knew I would not return after break.

I had my face set to smiling as I entered the Great Hall. Music filled the Hall. Couples danced and socialized everywhere. I went right for the punch bowl. I was dying of thirst. Some moved out of my way as they stared at me.

The punch was marvelous. I didn't know why I came I look at the dancing couples with my normal, cool uncaring look. I set my cloak over the back of a chair in a deserted section of the Hall. I sit facing the dance floor and room with my legs crossed. My left hand holds my glass, resting on my lap with my right hand. It's not so bad.

My eyes catch sight of something. Trinity was headed my way with a smile and a curious look in her eyes. She wore an elaborate dress in gold. She sits next to me, tired and a light sweat going. I keep my eyes on the crowd. She watches them too.

"So where's your date?" she asks while I lift my glass to my mouth.

"I didn't bring one."

"What happened to Theodore?"

She was confused. Ready to snap into a comforting way.

"It didn't work out." Final.

She understood. She turns back to looking at the crowd and biting her lip. I sip my drink, letting the tension on her behalf increase. It didn't bother me. It sure did bother her. Her eyes take in the group of boys she had left. A lazy smile catches her lips.

"I came with Remus. I asked him."

She turns to look at me, leaning on the table with her chin in her palm.

"Lily's with Potter tonight."

I flick my eyes to her then the group. Lily sat next to Potter, drinking a punch to cool down. She wore a green dress, like her eyes.

"Why don't you dance?" Trinity asks while turning back to the dance floor and crossing her arms. She wants to dance. Have fun. She looks like she feels she must be here with me.

"I didn't ask for you to keep me company, Trinity. We both know I don't dance."

She frowns. Angered. I pay no mind to it. She glares at me. Taken aback.

"What's wrong with you? You're being so cold," she snaps.

"Nothing is wrong with me, Trinity. I'm relaxing. Has your date angered you?"

"Riana!"

My head snaps toward the voice. July ran toward me. Sirius watches her go. His eyes flick to me. July smiles as she sits next to me.

"Trinity," July says in a happy tone as she flicks her hair from her face. She smiles as Trinity. "Remus was looking for you."

Trinity stands in a huff and marches off toward the group she had left. I pay it no mind. July watches with curiosity. She turns back to look at me. The smile is huge on her face. She is clearly enjoying herself and pleased with the night thus far.

"Sirius asked me."

"Good. You like him."

She sighs contently and sits back.

"I can't wait for break."

I say nothing. I sip my drink and watch Lily and Potter dance. Potter isn't the best, but Lily is trying to help him along. My eyes flick to the side, a group is descending upon July and myself. Lucius Malfoy, Regulus, Goyle, and the other Slytherins that Severus hangs with. Severus was in the back of the group. He wore black robes.

I ignore them as they stand to my left. July sits, tense, scared. They aren't too nice to her or half bloods. July is a muggle born.

"I'll talk to you over break, Riana," she says in a nervous rush as Lucius sits next to me. The rest of his group stand. Lucius faces the dance floor like I am. He's holding a glass like I am and sipping gracefully. He lacked the fluid grace I had. July stands quickly.

"I will be unable to respond," I drawl as she turns her back to me to rush off.

She freezes and turns to look at me. Her eyes are wide. Horror in them.

"No," she whispers.

I flick my eyes to her but keep my face to the dance floor. "You said-" she rushes in a raised, panicked tone, desperate.

"I said nothing, July. Father wishes it. I must make it so," I drawl in my cool uncaring tone. My normal tone.

"Riana!" she pleads while grasping my right hand with her hands. "Don't. Please," she whispers with tears in her eyes.

"It is final."

I squeeze her hand lightly so Lucius couldn't see it before pulling my hand away. She bites her lip and turns away fast. She runs to Sirius, crying. She buries her face in his chest. Sirius quickly recovers from his shock to holding her in a comforting way. His eyes go to me. He frowns at the sight of the Slytherins that are surrounding me. He's listening to what July is saying through her tears.

Regulus sits in the seat July had cleared. I sip my drink again. July was a good friend. It was bound to end this way. She knew that. I had warned her times aplenty. Lucius is sitting closer now. His leg is lightly pressed against mine.

"Regulus," I drawl in greeting.

Lucius stiffens for a moment in anger. I had addressed Regulus, and under classman and lower class pureblood before him. He hides it quickly, but not quick enough for me not to see. Regulus looks at me and gives a small smirk/smile.

"Ethriana."

"How are your studies?"

"Fine. I hear yours are exceeding."

I say nothing to that. He wanted to end the conversation. His eyes flicked nervously to Lucius. I got it. Lucius would punish him for this. Because of me. I move in my chair so Lucius isn't touching me and I'm a little closer to Regulus, but the distance between me and both men is even.

"Hello, Malfoy."

He smirks into his glass.

"Hello, Ethriana."

"Are we on such close terms?"

He got the point. He sneers in his glass now. He likes me. I'm pushing him away and pushing with formalities.

"Soon we will be."

I stand. Severus steps forwards and takes the empty glass from me. My eyes go to his. The worry is in only his eyes. I lean on my once hurt leg to show him without telling the others clearly. He relaxes as I go over to the punch bowl a few feet away. I fill the glass smoothly.

I turn and hit a chest. My arm twinges with light pain and my glass is taken from my hand. I look up. Lucius.

"Dance with me."

I do not get to agree or disagree. I'm swept out to the dance floor with my dress swirling around my legs. I try to recover as he already has us dancing. I'm too busy trying not to fall or show pain. He has my left arm stretched out fully. The sling spell is broken. The pain is enough to make my eyes almost water.

I twirl out briskly at a dizzying speed. He pulls me back with my left arm. I fall into his chest. I have no time to think as he dances us about. We're moving through the crowd, dancing like we are in the ballroom of the highest ranking pureblood.

I feel the light sweat from the pain and my skin cooling, paling. The final note for the song fills the room as he leans me back fast enough for my neck to snap back harshly. My head hit the floor. He pulls me up. The world moves too fast for me.

My tiny hands grip his robes tight as my eyes cross and I stumble. I push away as soon as the world settles seconds later. I flick my hand toward him in a harsh movement that somehow looks smooth and graceful when I did it.

He stumbles back, gripping his cheek. He glares at me. I'm breathing a little hard, a light dew is on my skin and it is clear now that it is from pain. My eyes are hard, cold.

A little blood escapes his hand. His group surrounds me and smacks me into the wall. My eyes stay on Lucius as I'm search harshly for my wand.

"Stop!"

The Slytherins turn sharply to the female out cry. Lily stands with her wand out. The Slytherins found no wand on me. The two holding me are thrown off suddenly. Lily's eyes widen as she looks at her wand. She hadn't said a spell or moved. Heads turn to me as I step forwards.

"You lack manners, Lucius Malfoy," I drawl. My voice was cold. You would think my voice couldn't sound any colder or darker. My anger was clear and I was definitely scaring the boys around me.

My hand swings like I'm slapping somebody, but nobody is with in reach. Lucius's head snaps to his left and he lifts from his feet. He falls to the floor with a red mark on his face and wide eyes.

"Ethriana," Severus says briskly, his hand reaching for me. He pushes through the group of boys to me.

My head lifts to look straight, stand straight. A breath of air rushes from me and the tense air around me falls suddenly. Severus drapes my cloak over my shoulders without touching me. I clasp it and flick my eyes to Lily.

"It's fine, Lily. Have a great break," I drawl while gliding away with Severus behind me.


	13. Chapter 13

I apparate into my parlor with my luggage in my hands. Father and mother are sitting on the couch. My luggage drops harshly. The pain was too much now. My eyes close as I stagger a step and grip my left arm. Mother stands.

Father grabs her arm to stop her. She sits with wide eyes. Father watches calmly while I calm my breathing and the sound of a snap echoes. I stand fully, arm healed, pain gone. I calmly remove my cloak and drop it without looking into the arms of an elf.

"Hello," I drawl while looking at my adoptive father. "Father. Mother."

I turn without a word and go to my room, leaving my luggage to the elves. I hardly acknowledge my mother and father. Most of my time is spent alone. I open the doors to my rooms.

The main room is the bedroom. The large room is decorated in black and silver. Lavish. The room to the right is the library. Left, bathroom. My walk in closet on the left. The tea room is on the right. The tea room is an open room with a wall of windows that look over the grounds behind the house. It's the room for relaxing, guests, and personal dining. The tea room is where people enter to get to my room. There is a door to my bedroom, but it is bolted with spells and muggle ways.

The door to the balcony in my bedroom is open. The balcony stretches to the library where there is another set of doors. I'll spend a lot of my time in my rooms, hardly leaving them.

I look up from the large book hiding my face. I'm sitting on the couch in my library, legs stretched out across it and half my face hidden by my hair.

My eyes go back to the book as I calmly turn the page. Father looks down at me. His emotions are hidden. Not as well as mine. He's watching me.

I'm wearing something that I frequently wear. The black dress is long sleeved. The white collar is buttoned at my throat. The dress is form fitted from the neck to the waist. The dress bells out to dance just over my knees. Black tights cover my legs and classic Mary Janes grace my feet, with a small heel that is about an inch and a half tall. My hair is brushed back into my usual coiled bun. The only skin showing on me is my hands, my neck and my head.

"What is it, father?" I drawl while reading.

"I've received word."

I close the book and stand. The book is put back in its place on the shelves. I turn while grabbing my wand. The white, stiff cuffs of the dress are folded back so they don't cover my hands. My heels click softly as I pass father and go to the tea room. The doors are closed.

My eyes close. I let a breath out. This isn't what I wanted with life. I have no choice. I made it years ago. I lift my hand without opening my eyes. The cool metal of the lever meets my small, warm hand. This is it. No turning back. My hand presses the lever down and pushes softly. The door opens to my twilight shrouded tea room. Father watches with hope and fear in his eyes. My back turns to him as I step in and close the door.

This is my choice. I hope it is my choice. No turning back. Darkness fills the room now, no light from the outside to add to it. I step boldly into the dark. No fear. Calm. At ease. My wand in hand.

"Name." The cool voice seems to echo in the open darkness.

"Ethriana Isadola Lothmeirr, Sire." My normal drawl echoes back to him.

My hair falls from the bun suddenly and the silver rod that had held it up falls to the floor. I remain unmoved, calm. My hair is in soft waves, silken, resembling rivers of blood. Beautiful against the black and my milk white skin. With a thought the candle in the lamp in the middle of the room bursts to life. My eyes adjust. The man says nothing.

"Your wand."

I hold my wand out in offering. It shoots up from my hand and into the darkness on the other side of the small lamp. I left my hand drop and stand, ready for anything, but looking calm and relaxed.

"Come here, Lothmeirr."

I glide forwards, the small heels making delicate clicks. I stop in front of the lamp. He steps forwards now. He smirks down at me. He's looking me over.

"I could never forget those ruby red locks," he says while reaching out to brush touch my hair.

I dodge to the side a little, without thought. He pays it no mind, and continues for my hair. My left eye flinches once as his hand runs over my hair. He lifts some to the light, inspecting it, his thumb running over it. My eyes remain looking over his shoulder.

"You've finally come to join your kind," he says while dropping my hair. My wand flashes in the light. It looks so wrong in his hand, too short and elegant. "Do you remember, Lothmeirr?"

"I remember what you speak of."

A light pressure comes to my mind. He's trying to get in. He won't. He looks me in the eyes, searching for something. There is nothing. He grips my left wrist tightly. My eyes go to his now. I look down to my sleeve. My right hand lifts. His eyes remain watching me. I undo the buttons hidden under the stiff white cuffs and push my sleeve up over my elbow.

My eyes return to looking at his brown ones now as my other hand drops. He smirks. He lifts my wand and presses the tip to my left forearm. The skin blazes red and pain shoots up my arm. Worse than when I fell down the stairs. Stronger than any I've felt before. Almost like the Cruciatus.

My skin pales and my teeth clench. I do not cry out. I do not flinch. I do not look away. The mark forms on my arm. The snake moves through the skull on my arm. He releases my wrist. The skin around it looses its red flush and the pain ends. It stung a little. Nothing to bother me now. It would go away.

I step back and dip into a low curtsy. I return to standing. My upper arm is grabbed suddenly. The feeling of being pulled through a tube the size of a knut by the center of my body fills me.

I stumble as the new surroundings come into view. A muggle cul-de-sac. I look up at the man who brought me here. He's looking at a house. I do not have time to look him over. He's changed.

My eyes turn to the house. It looks no different than any other home in the area. My wand is placed in my hand. I flick my eyes to him. It is clear what he wants. I roll my sleeve down and button it.

No going back now.


	14. Chapter 14

The door to the home opens without a sound. The silent, wandless spell had opened it. I step in and leave the door open. The voice of a woman is in the living room. With the soft cracking of a fire.

"Then the prince took her in his arms and-"

The woman stops as she looks up at me. Startled. My hand lifts slowly, my eyes locked with the woman's. My wrist flicks suddenly like I'm throwing something without moving my arm. A green light shoots from my palm and into the woman. She has no time to scream. The child does. I twirl and fling both arms out, palms aimed at the child in the chair and the man in the door way behind me.

Light shoots out and they both fall. I lower my arms. My eyes on the child.

"You've done well, Ethriana," he says while placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you, Lord Voldemort."

I sigh, months later while sitting in my library with a book and quill. I'm scribbling down notes.

"Ethriana."

"My Lord," I drawl while finishing my note. I look up slowly, quill raised to write again.

He stands in the doorway with his usual attire on. Black slacks, white button down top, and black old fashioned vest. It was all in style for the wizarding world. His hair is set like he always has it. He steps in with something in his hands. It's wrapped in velvet. My eyes remain on his face, waiting. My hands close the book and set it and the quill on the table behind me. I turn and set me feet on the ground.

He stands facing me, the object held out to me. His eyes are on my face, trying to read it. Read my reaction. My eyes flick to the object. He sits next to me on the small couch. My eyes remain on his face, trying to understand what he wants. The object is placed in my lap.

I look down at it. My hand lifts slowly to remove the velvet cloth. A velvet box sits on the velvet cloth in my lap. My breath stops. I'm unsure of how to react. He is watching me expectantly. My hand stops in the air. It falls to my lap, clenched. My eyes stay on the black box. My head is tilted down to look at the box, my hair hangs like a shining curtain, blocking my face from his sight.

"Open it."

My hand unclenches slowly. My fingers move, stretching for the box. They stop just before opening it. My hand is shaking a little. I clench my fists angrily.

He shifts suddenly. I feel his impatience. He thrusts my hair over my shoulder and grabs my hand. He puts it on the box firmly.

"Open it," he orders.

"Is this what I think it is, Sire?" I ask with my focus on the innocent box.

"Open it," he snaps.

My other hand lifts and grasps the lid. I lift it slowly. He sits back, calm. My breath rushes from me. I snap it shut and thrust it toward him.

"No," I say firmly, turning my head from him and standing.

He regards me with a light frown. He won't take the box. I drop it in his lap and stride away. He stands suddenly, following me into my room. I do not pause as I stride for my open balcony door. My arm shoots out and snags my broom.

"Ethriana," he growls as he follows me.

I put one hand on the ledge and swing over without pause.

"Ethriana!" he calls in a raised, angered voice, rushing the ledge.

I fly out suddenly, speeding for the woods on my broom. My hair whipping behind me in the wind.

"ETHRIANA!" he yells.

My arm burns as I fly, weaving through trees. The lights of an approaching village meet my eyes. I lean closer to the broom, my chest pressing against the handle. Villagers look up as I zoom in. I hop off the broom with out slowly and stride for the bar. The Leaky Cauldron. Some people watch as I glide through them. Diagon Alley was busy. I push for the bar and sit.

The bartender comes over quickly as I lean my broom against the wall on my right, my back to the bar.

"Wot will it be?" he asks while leaning on the bar. He's a few years older than me, an older man is working on the other end.

"Fire whiskey."

He sends me a look before pulling out the bottle and a shot glass. He pours it. I snatch it in a flash and down it. He looks shocked as I tap it down.

"More."

He fills it again with raised brows. I down it fast again. It taps once more. He fills it. I down it.

"Leave the bottle."

His eyes widen.

"Miss, doan' ya think the bottul will be a lit'el much? Yer bein' tiny an' all."

My eyes flash up to lock on his. He lifts his hands in surrender.

"I din't mean nuttin'," he says quickly while stepping back.

I look down and fill my shot glass. I down it again. I'm brooding. The bartender leaves me be. Somebody plops, ungracefully, down in the chair next to me.

"Now if it ain't little Riana," the male says smugly.

"Go away, Flint," I snap while swallowing another shot.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?"

"Go away," I growl darkly.

He takes my shot. I watch as me swallows. He sets it down with a smug look.

He flies from the chair without warning and into a group of boys' table. They laugh and grab hold of him. I take a long swig from the bottle before grabbing my broom and heading out. I launch into the air without seeing the boy rushing out after me.


	15. Chapter 15

I land in my courtyard later that night. I set the broom so I'm standing straight up and the bristles face the ground. I step of the broom calmly and glide into the sunroom. A house elf pops up as the people at the table look up. I thrust the broom into the elf's hands as I stride past them. The sound of a chair sliding across the marble floor follows.

Foot steps follow my long, quick strides. I go for the pool room. They follow. I pay it no mind. My hair is lightly tangled from the wind. I turn sharply into the pool room.

I do not slow or pause. The splash of me diving into the pool fills the once silent room. I do not come up. I swim for the other side and emerge when I can walk. I walk out and up the stairs on the other side of where I had entered. I stop. My hands wring my hair and dress. He is on the other side of the pool watching me.

I flick my hands once to get the water off. I push on. I go through the door before and into the hall. He follows.

This part of the house is my parents'. It's different than the rest. The halls are warmer. Not as wide. Red and gold carpet cover the floors. Oak paneling and red wall paper cover the walls with oak trimmings. The doors are less frequent. I push one door open.

The footsteps quicken at a yell of surprise. Mother is with father in their parlor. Mother is reading and father is watching the empty fireplace with a glass of bourbon. Both are looking at me.

Mother screams as father falls from the chair. His empty glass rolls from his hands. Mother won't stop screaming. My eyes remain on the body as mother clutches to his cooling body. I step into the room calmly. He stops in the doorway. I know he's frowning as I cross the room for the screaming woman. I grip her hair and pull her up quickly. She screams in pain and fear as I drag her behind me.

I stop in front of the book shelf. She's clawing at my hand. I stick one hand in the shelf and sweep all of the contents from the shelf. I look calm, uncaring, like always as I find the button I was looking for. The book shelf swings open like a door. A hall of stone meets my sight. Torches burst to life as I throw her in ahead of me. She scrambles back, crying.

Mutters, voices, and movement come from further down the hall. I flick my wand at the woman on the floor before me. She flies down the hall like she was thrown by a troll. She hits the source of the noises. Screams burst to life.

I stride down the hall, my heels clicking sharply in my wake. I come out of the darker tunnel and into the lit room at the end.

"Now, I thought you were a good mother, Eleanor," I drawl while stepping out of the shadows of the tunnel and into the room.

Screams erupt. I look at them all as they press into the back of the room. I'm calm. Eleanor, mother, is cowering on the ground before them.

"Please! Ethriana!" she pleads.

"Are you asking me to spare them? You?" I ask while stepping further into the room. My eyes lock on her. "I trusted you, Eleanor. You've betrayed me. How can I spare your life now?"

My wand slips out again. She sobs as she sits in a praying position.

"You're a traitor."

Her scream echoes as she falls to the floor. He stands behind me as I regard the six muggleborns she and father were hiding. A family. They all fell to the ground in their turns.

"Evanesco quamtotius," I drawl while flicking my wand at the pile of bodies.

They vanish. I turn sharply from the room. He is looking at me. I do not look at him as I glide past him, lightly dripping. I wave a hand at my body as I go down the hall. My clothes dry instantly.

Somebody stops abruptly in the doorway. I have my back to the room, facing the fireplace. Father's dead body at my feet, his hand is before my foot. I'm coiling my hair into a bun. The person stays, frozen in the doorway.

"Riana?"

"Severus," the Dark Lord says while motioning to the body at my feet.

"No."

Both men look at me. I snap my fingers while saying the same vanishing spell that I used in the room seconds before. The body vanishes. I go to the mantle and take the bottle of bourbon. I remove the crystal stopper and set it on the tray. I turn while taking a big swig.

"They went on a vacation," I drawl while gliding for the door. "Vanished. Haven't heard from them for the last week."

I leave the men while taking another swig of the strong bourbon. He follows me. Severus stays to look at the rooms. I glide through the pool room calmly. He's not far behind me and gaining as I reach the entrance hall.

He grips my arm and twirls me around. He follows it through and smacks me into the wall. I let him. It would only be asking for trouble if I strike back at something so small. I finish the bourbon off with my eyes on his. Daring him. He smacks the crystal bottle from my hand. He's looking down at me calmly. Like me. Masks. My hair has fallen from the quick bun.

He has me trapped against the wall. His arm blocks my exit to the left and the table on my right finishes it. He stands close enough that my chest almost touches his as I breathe. I turn my face away from his. I could feel the alcohol again.

Lucius, Severus, Regulus, Goyle and Bellatrix are in the room. The shattering of the crystal bourbon container had drawn them. He's angry. His free hand grips my chin tight. It was painful. He turns my face toward his. I frown as he forces me to look at him. My hair falls over my shoulder to cover most of his hand and some of my face.

He frowns as his eyes lock on mine. He's trying to get in again. I sneer.

"It doesn't matter how drunk I am," I say in my drawl with a light snap to it. "It doesn't change my mind."

My face snaps to the side with the sound of his slap resounding in the entrance hall. I turn back to looking up at him with a dark look. The red mark covers my cheek. The air around me shifts. I have only enough time to let a gasp out before my head snaps back and my eyes roll to the back of my head as the vision takes me. I fall limp.

_The female holds her self tight. He would come. He promised. She had left her home for them. For their cause. He had to come. She bites her lip as she stands on the corner of the street in London. _

_July. The sound of footsteps echoes from behind her. She lets out a started cry. Potter steps out. July sighs. _

_"Thank Merlin," she says while gripping her bags tighter. "I thought you weren't going to come."_

_Potter smiles. "I wouldn't leave you out here alone," he says while taking a few of her bags from the ground. "We need all the help we can get."_

_"When will this end?" she whispers while looking at the night sky. "I want to go back to before all of this. I miss it."_

_"Don't we all," Potter laughs lightly, a nostalgic look in his eyes. "Come on the headquarters is this way."_

_"So I'm in the Order now?"_

_Potter smiles as they walk toward the alley he had come from. "Definitely."_

My breath rushes out as I come back to the present. He caught me. I'm pressed to him. I jerk away with a glare. I slip under his arm and run up the stairs briskly for my room. I throw the door to the tea room open and go for the library.

I'm bent over pulling drawers out and slamming them shut. He stands in the doorway, watching as I thrust the parchment on the table and pull my quill over quickly. I scribble quickly while bent over the desk. I fold the parchment and seal it.

"What are you doing?" he demands as I whisper to the owl and rush it out the window.

I shut the window and put a hand over my eyes. I lean against the wall.

"Personal matters, my lord," I reply with my fatigue in my voice.

I pull the hand from my face slowly. He's a foot in front of me. It startled me. I'm pressed against the wall as he corners me. He reaches out and grips my left hand. His stern look is locked with my lightly surprised one. The feel of something cold on my ring finger causes me to look down.

I jerk my hand from his and try to pull the white gold band with an emerald in the center. It won't come off. I point with my finger and use spell after spell. It won't budge. I push at his chest as my angry eyes look up at him. He doesn't move. He stands his ground, looking down at me calmly.

"I said no!" I growl while thumping my tiny fist on his chest.

He says nothing. He turns and walks from the room. I rush to the tea room door.

"I don't love you!" I call angrily as he reaches the open door.

He stops. He slowly turns to look at me.

"Who said anything about love, Ethriana?" he drawls before closing the door softly behind him.

"BLOODY MEN!" I scream in rage while kicking the table in the tea room.

It flips and the glass top shatters and the glass case behind it shatters seconds later. I slam the door and go for the bed.


	16. Chapter 16

I sit on the ledge of my balcony with a cup of tea in hand. My feet hang over the edge. My back is to the wall. My crossed legs are graced by my usual black tights. A shorter black skirt dances around my thighs in the light wind. The black, fitted cashmere turtle neck with long sleeves was on my upper half. My hair is pulled back in a ponytail with swept back bangs. Black high heeled boots are on my feet. My wand handle sticks out of the top of my left boot.

"I don't want you going," is the greeting I get from the man as he strides out to my balcony.

"I'm going, Tom. It's my final year. It's my request."

He frowns out at the grounds. He grips the stone ledge of the balcony.

"What kind of witch would I be if I can't even graduate from Hogwarts?"

He turns in a huff and leaves me. I sit smugly and finish my tea. My things are already being taken by the elves. I hop down and pass the cup to an elf. My hands fix the silver locket around my neck. I look over my room before grabbing my small black back and apparating to the station.

The platform was crowding. Students were rushing for the train, saying by to their family. Severus spots me and motions me over. Regulus stands calmly next to him. I push through the students and parents. A few people look my way and whisper. I pass my bag to Regulus and step onto the train. A compartment is held by Marcus Holland. Marcus is in Regulus' year. Slytherin. I brush past him and into the compartment.

Severus and the two boys come in after me. I sit by the window and pull on black gloves. I've been wearing them for the last few months. Since he forced this thing on me. I turn away and look at the book Severus passes me. I don't pay any mind to the boys talking.

Later on in the train ride the door had been open a lot since we got on the from all years were stopping by. They started to slow once I spelled the door so it wouldn't open.

"Can you remove the spell, Ethriana?" Marcus asks.  
I continue writing my notes. He seems to think I didn't hear him and sits back sullenly. I flick my hand with the quill at the door after a minute or two. He stands quickly and goes out. I return to my work. Severus is doing reading next to me, not as studious as me. He's reading over my notes in the book.

Regulus is napping with his head resting on the window. A commotion starts in the hall outside the door. We don't look up. It stops. Severus looks up. The door slides open. I remain writing in the book.

Marcus falls in. His face smacks the floor at my feet. My quill pauses. I close the book with the quill in the page. I look up then. Potter, Sirius, Remus, and Pettigrew. Potter and Sirius are glaring at the men.

"Stupid Death Eaters," Potter snaps.

My book is put down as I stand. All eyes turn to me. The Potter four look at me with wide eyes. I look a little different. I have a light make up on. My lips are glossed and my eyes are drawn out with eye liner and mascara. I look threatening now. And more sure of my looks. I stand over Marcus. He's out for the count. Regulus is up now. Glaring at his bother.

"Riana?" Sirius asks with confusion clear in his tone.

"You're back!" Potter says happily, standing on Marcus and lifting me in the air in a hug.

My cold eyes lock on his. He sets me down slowly, frowning.

"You've changed."

"Everyone changes eventually, Potter," I drawl while fixing my clothes.

"Go away, Potter," Severus sneers.

"Shut up, Snivellus," Sirius sneers back, pushing into the crowded compartment.

His wand is out. A red wall goes up and blocks the spell aimed at Severus. All heads turn to me. My hand lowers smoothly. The wall falls with it.  
"I would appreciate it if you would leave," I drawl, "You seem to forget that Severus Snape is my close friend."

"Ethriana!" Sirius says with a look that said he couldn't believe that I had chosen Severus over him. How childish.

"Go."

Sirius and Potter have their wands out, ready for a duel. Remus grips their shoulders.

"Let's go," he says while noting the look in my eyes and my hands ready to move.

"You're siding with a Death Eater, Moony?" Sirius sneers.

"She's Ethriana, Sirius. She's standing up for her friends like you do for James and us," Remus deduces calmly.

My cold eyes were on Sirius. I'm sneering at him. He frowns at me before they leave. I lock the door again.


	17. Chapter 17

I step out of the train and say nothing to anybody on my way to the carriages. The Marauders didn't say anything to us as we left them and the other students. I sigh as I sit with Severus and Regulus. Marcus was with his other friends.

"I'm glad I conned him into this," I say with my eyes closed. "It feels good to be away from him."

"You shouldn't say such things," Regulus says quickly.

My eyes open and lock on him.

"He's not forcing you to marry him," I sneer.

He sits back, cowed. The carriage stops and I get out. I don't have my uniform on. I do have a Hufflepuff tie and my robe on. The robe billows behind me as I glide into the crowding Great Hall. Heads turn as I go for my House table. One person stands up.

I glide over and sit in one of the few open spots at the table, across from the person. She sits. Her mouth is open.

"Riana?" she asks in a whisper.

I look at her. She looks thinner, tired, worn. Shocked to see me.

"July."

"I thought…"

"Don't assume, July. We know what happens."

"I make and arse of you and me," she jokes with a smile.

I pull my book and quill out, wasting time while the sorting goes. Dumbledore goes into his speech. I close my book and put it in the small bag when the food appears. I eat quickly.

July looks up with wide eyes as I stand half way through the feast, finished. I head for the door. I don't get too far. I'm stopped.

"Ethriana."

I turn. Sirius stands behind me. I sling the bag over my shoulder and let it hang.

"Where have you been?"

"Home."

"Why didn't you come back?"

"I am back, Sirius."

"No. You're not."

I regard him. What ever does he mean? Ideas for what he means flick through my mind. I stop on one. That's it.

"You mean how I've changed."

"Why are you so cold? Don't tell me you're a-"

"Ah, Miss Lothmeirr," the warm voice says as they come over.

I look up. Dumbledore. I relax, I didn't even notice I was that stiff.

"You've returned to Hogwarts."  
"Yes. My father had wanted me to return home. Being underage, I had to comply. Now that he's passed and I'm of age, I've decided to come back."

"Will you take Prefect this year?"

"No, Headmaster. Not this year. I wouldn't want to be the one telling students what to do."

He smiles with a knowing look. I shift the bag on my shoulder.  
"Where is your uniform?"

I stiffen. My eyes lock on his. He knows. I bite back my response and remain calm.

"My elves packed them and sent them off before I could get one out. All I had at the house was this old, small robe and tattered tie," I lie smoothly. The robe was a little small and the tie was coming apart on the end with a few stains on it.

He smiles again.

"Well. If you feel the need to talk to me, come by anytime," he says with a meaningful look.

He leaves. I take the distraction and leave Sirius before he can stop me. I'm not in the mood for this.

I enter the Great Hall a week later, frowning. The air around me is thick with my clear aggravation. I have hardly spoken to anybody. The teachers seem unsure of my skill.

I glide into the Great Hall like a storm. My robes billow behind me. I'm dressed in the uniform but I put more effort into my appearance like I did at home. My hair is back in light ringlets and a light make up is on my face. I look good, knew it, and didn't care.

I move like an angry storm cloud, leaving startled students behind me and a few students rushing after me. I move down the middle isle with purpose. My eyes are set on the Teachers' table. It was rare to see me like so openly, or students moving for the Teachers' table in such a manner.

I come to a stop in front of Dumbledore. The students who had followed me looked nervous and scared of what I was doing. I slap a paper down before him, with my left hand. I wore only one glove now. I stand over him expectantly.

"Good morning, Miss Lothmeirr," he says in his kind tone, like I wasn't angry and I hadn't just thrust a paper before him. "To what do I own your visit?"

"I have some things I would like to address," I drawl with a light sneer to my tone.

He looks at the paper. My schedule. A comment is on it in red ink.

"I find it hard to believe that Hogwart's teachers can be so harsh, and degrading to their students," I hiss while snapping my hand away from the paper. "'It is unwise to try any harder classes. You wouldn't want to FAIL.'" I quote the note with venom.

I pull out a stack of papers from seemingly nowhere. Simple spell. I thump the pile down on top of the schedule. Red is on each one. Little remarks. Seemingly simple with no meaning, but he true meaning is clear.

"It is beyond angering to receive your work back with remarks hinting at one's intelligence, or lack there of. 'You write surprisingly well for your education.' 'When did you learn this? When you were gone?'" I clench my teeth and ignore the shifting teachers at the table. "I've put up with this nonsense long enough. I'm in bloody sixth year classes! I was doing advanced seventh year courses in my sixth year."

Dumbledore pulls the papers over and reads over the notes, and stops on one paper in particular. He reads over it and lifts a brow.

"Bezoar does that? How did you find that out?" he asks looking over the paper for Potions.

"I tested it myself."

"You poisoned yourself?"

"It was a very common poison that I had curses for in abundance."

"Why is it you were put in these courses?"

"I missed the second half of my sixth year. They must think me daft and that I did not work over my break."

"I'll have your new schedule made and ready by tomorrow."

I nod and reach for my papers. He pulls them closer. My brow furls lightly.

"I'd like to read over these. Your work is interesting."

I nod again. "Yes, Headmaster."

I turn in a whirl of my robes and march out of the Great Hall. Severus, Regulus, and July rush after me. Thank Merlin that it was a Friday night. I'm stopped in the doorway by Lily. I come to an abrupt halt. She's looking me over searching for something.

She frowns sadly.

"What happened to you?" she asks in a whisper. "You never wrote back."

I furl my brow softly in confusion.  
"I never received any letters besides one from July," I say truthfully.

"I sent one every week."

I look at Severus. He shrugs. He doesn't know. My eyes widen in realization. Father. I frown in anger. I turn back to Lily.

"Father."

She understands. Father was known for burning my mail and not liking my non-pure-blood friends. She smiles though, relieved that I'm not mad at her. She hugs me. I don't hug back, but I let her hug me.

"Thank Merlin. I thought the worst."

I hug her back uncertainly. My mouth is by her ear.

"It's never as bad as it seems, Lil," I whisper. "We must always push through it and live with our choices."

She pulls back. She looks me over. Her eyes widen suddenly as she understands. I flash a weak smile before brushing past her and whispering one last thing.

"I'll always remember the important things."


	18. Chapter 18

I lounge under a tree by the lake with my book and a mass of Slytherins. I'm relaxed but clearly not happy, as only Severus and other close friends can tell. Severus is the only close friend here. I have a bottle in my hand. The book sits on my lap, open. I'm gazing out at the Lake as the students buzz with talk.

I'm furiously ignoring the students trying to talk to me. Severus is trying to get them to leave me be.

"Shut is, Snivellus," a Slytherin male snaps.

Silence. My head is turned to him. All eyes are on us. The boy quickly stutters an apology to me.

"Do **not** apologize to me," I drawl coldly.

"Sorry, Severus. I didn't mean anything."

My eyes scan the crowd like I had just noticed them. I sip from the bottle.

"What are you all doing here?" I drawl to them.

They jump up and rush off, muttering excuses for where they 'should' be going. Severus relaxes as I turn back to looking at the Lake and drinking from the bottle. I ignore the approaching group.

My bottle is taken from my lips. I turn sharply to glare. Sirius takes a big swig as he sits next to me. Potter sits next to him. Remus and Peter sit in front of them. Remus sits closer to me.

"I was drinking that," I drawl sharply.

"I need some too," Sirius responds.

I snatch the bottle back and take a huge gulp. Sirius watches. I ignore it. My hand holds the bottle out to him.

"Seems I'm not the only one," I say while closing my book.

Severus takes it from me and slips it in my bag. I rest my head against the tree like Sirius is doing. He passes the bottle back.

"What's yours?" Sirius asks, normal conversation.

"Slytherins, teachers, personal things, list goes on."

He nods.

"Yours?" I asks while sipping at the bottle.

"Revette, girls, Slytherins, family."

"I lucked out on the family. Gone and died on me. Thank Merlin."

Sirius chuckles.

"Lucky. I got disowned."

"Eh. Lucky. Wish mine would have done that."

We laugh lightly.

"So what's your problem with the Slytherins? They follow you around and look up to you like a goddess, not that you aren't."

I don't notice the last part of his comment.

"My status has come to light. I don't care about it and they think I'm like their leader or something. It's bother some. I got kicked out of the library because of them."

Remus winces at that. He knew the pain. Sirius laughs.

"Finally kicked out?"

"Eh. Not like the library has any good books in the normal sections."

Sirius turns to look at me suddenly, eager.

"You have access to the Restricted section?"

I give him a look like I don't understand how it is important. "I've had it since second year."

He smirks as he sits back, facing me. He's smug about something. I warily regard him.

"What are you doing with bourbon, Miss Lothmeirr?" Sirius drawls in an aristocratic way, mimicking the DADA teacher.

I laugh. I actually giggle. My small hand covers my mouth as I giggle.

"Filched it from a party," I say with a dark smile as I turn to face him.

He lifts a brow. Potter falls over Sirius to get closer.

"Party?"

I laugh as I stand. Their eyes fall on my clothes then as the cloak that had been on my lap falls. I'm in my school blouse, a few buttons undone, pulled from the skirt, a black skirt that is shorter than the school issued ones, thigh highs that stop just under the skirt and high heels.

"How else would I get it?" I say while flipping my hair from my face. It's pulled back in a high ponytail with thick, side swept bangs that cover half my face.

Sirius and Potter stand quickly. Both put their arms around my shoulders. Remus looks disapproving. Peter looks nervous. I smirk.

"Now where would such a party be?"

"One is in the Slytherin Seventh Years dorms. Another…Hogsmeade."

They look at me. Smirking. They start to lead me to Hogsmeade.

"Take my things, Sev!" I call over my shoulder as we march away. Remus follows, telling us how this was against the rules.

"I don't care, Remus," Sirius says proudly as he finishes my bourbon. "I'm in the mood for a good shag and party."

"Ditto," I say while slipping out of their arms and jogging for the little village.

"Won't we get in trouble for leaving grounds?" Remus calls as they follow.

"Nope," I call back. "We're Seventh Years. We have right to leave on weekends without permission. We're of age."

"Wait!" Sirius calls jogging next to me, just catching what I had said before. "I thought you were an uppy girl!"

I laugh loudly as I jump over the brick wall of a house on the outer skirts of the village. It's lit up and music is coming from it. I waltz right in. It's full of people that are clearly in their early twenties.

"I don't shag people, Sirius. I get drunk and party," I laugh while going for the group around the keg.

Cheers go up.

"Wooh!" the boys cry as I glide over. "Ri's back!"

People turn to look. I cross one arm over my abdominal, the other behind me and bow gracefully.

"A shot!" I call while standing. "And rounds for my friends!"

They take in the Potter Four. They are quickly accepted and girls swarm them. I snuck out a lot since the ring met my finger. Got to rebel sometime. I drink the night away, out drinking many of the people at the party.

I'm sitting on the couch with two boys around me. I'm relaxing with their arms behind me. The bottle of firewhisky stays with me, I don't share. Sirius is with girls on the other couch. The party is dying down, people are staggering home or passing out.

I kiss the boys on the cheek and stand. Time to go. Remus is sitting with James in the corner by the door, watching. James is drunk. Sirius stands when I do.

"Bye boys," I cue to the remaining men. "I'll try to be back for the next one."

They call their byes. Remus helps James up. Peter left a long while ago. Sick. I dance out the door with the bottle of firewhisky. We all walk down the main street of Hogsmeade in a line. We're loud and laughing. Sirius has his arm slung over my shoulders.

"Where'd you learn to party like that?" he asks.

"When I found out that I can't have fun after graduation," I say while passing him the bottle.

"We'll always have fun," he says while giving me a half hug. "Even when we're old and married."

Potter snorts.

"You? Married? Padfoot, you're full of it," he laughs.

He's walking on his own. I become quiet. They sense the change. All heads turn to me. Sirius's eyes widen. He pulls us to a stop. He looks me in the eyes, serious.

"That's it. You're upset about marriage," he says while looking me over. "Are you in an arranged marriage?"

I turn my head away and keep walking. He rushes after me and grips my arm. I'm swung about. My hand flies without thought. He doesn't pay any mind to my slapping him. He pulls the glove from my hand. The emerald flashes in the light. He frowns at me. I pull away sharply.

"It's not my choice," I snap while holding my left hand to my chest. "It's out of our hands."

"Nothing is out of our hands," Sirius says while stepping closer.

I step back. I turn away. I can't look at them. So happy with their good lives.

"It won't come off until I die or he takes it off."

Sirius's voice darkens.

"Why did you come back, Ethriana?"

My dark eyes flash as I look at him. Hate, anger, and…sadness are in my eyes.

"Because it's the only way I could justify time. I needed time to think of an escape," I hiss.

His hand flashes out. I don't get to react. His hand circles my left wrist. My eyes widen as his hand goes for the sleeve.

"Stop!" I cry out.

He rips the sleeve up. Silence. No body moves. Sirius steps back like I'm the plague. I hold the arm to me like it was the only way to stop the pain. My eyes are watering up. I'm biting my lip. This is the first time I've cried because of anything besides pain. I won't look at them.

Remus steps forwards slowly, cautious.

"Riana," he says softly.

His hand goes out slowly, unsure of my reaction. I hold myself tight. He delicately pulls me to him. I fall into his arms and cry. He holds me to himself soothingly.

"It's alright, Riana," he whispers.

"It's not," I cry.

I pull away.

"I was forced into this life. My step parents had been training me for this since they got me. Now…" my voice breaks. I whisper now. "Now I'm a slave. I'm what I hated. Those _stupid_ women that let men have their ways with them. Those _sickening_ pure-blood women that marry because they are told to."

My eyes lock on the boys.

"I won't have it. This school is my escape for now. If I don't find an escape…there is only one answer left."

Remus tenses. He reaches for me. I jerk out of his reach. Anger is in my eyes and light fear.

"I'm not changing my mind, Remus. If it comes down to it I'll do it!" I snap.

I wave my hand over the tattoo on my left forearm. It disappears. I gasp in pain suddenly. My hand grips my forearm as the tattoo blazes to life. I hunch over, my breathing hard.

It stops suddenly. I pant for a moment. I stand, face set to my blank mask.

"He can help," Remus says.

I look at him.

"No. He can't. I know what Albus is up to," I snap. "I've been have damned visions of you all and that Order all year. Do you have any idea how hard it is to restrain from confronting Him with my wants to save you all? I can't keep stopping the patrols where you pick up your people."

"What?" Potter asks while stepping up next to Sirius.

My eyes go to him.

"I stopped the patrol when July was out waiting for you," I snip. "If you were any later she would be dead!"

My hand grips my hair. Fighting off my anger. My eyes close tight. A shuttering breath escapes me.

"I can't talk here," I say in a calm drawl. My eyes open. "I know what I'm doing."

"No you don't!" Sirius snaps, angry.

I close myself off. It hurt to see him angry at me. I had missed them all so much over the time I was gone. Now… It was bound to hurt. I hide the pain in my eyes. My mask slips down. Solid. Like when working or around the pure-bloods and Tom.

"You're filth!"

I slip further into my shell. He doesn't mean it, I keep lying to myself.

"Killer!"

My hand flashes. His mouth vanishes. Pure hate is in my eyes as I look at him. My hands clench at my sides.

"Ethriana?" a voice calls from behind me.

"Go back to the castle, Severus," I order without looking in a dark voice.

He stops, looks at the scene. He turns and leaves quickly when he sees me. I wait, letting the tension build. Potter and Sirius have their wands out.

"Do you honestly think…" I growl, I stop. Grit my teeth.

"You're his whore," Potter sneers at me.

My hand swings. Potter flies off the ground and hits the ground at a roll. I pull my hand back sharply. He staggers to his feet.

"I am no whore, Potter," I hiss. "I would rather die than marry any one. Let alone Him."

"It can be arranged," Potter hisses.

I laugh. I out right laugh at them.

"You can't kill me," I laugh, hysterical, crying almost. "I've tried it so many times. He bloody stops me. Now I just try to get by."

I look up at the sky. Sirius somehow removes my spell on him.

"Stop," Remus growls.

Sirius and Potter turn, wide shocked eyes to him. He's standing in front of me protectively.

"Let her talk."

I look at him, just as stunned. I was surprised that anybody would stand up for me. The boys look at me. Waiting grudgingly.

"Not here," I say again, softer. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, in the Room of Requirements."

Sirius jerks his head in a harsh nod. I turn sharply, pulling my sleeve down, and stride away.


	19. Chapter 19

The next day I went to classes. Severus was with me everywhere. We talked in hushed voices together at breakfast and lunch. He sat with me at the end of the Hufflepuff table. He kept trying to convince me of something. Change my mind. I hissed back just as heatedly throughout the meals and in the halls with him. In classes we did the same thing.

When dinner came we sat together. Nobody sat near us. He was leaning across the table, angry.

"Ethriana," he snaps in a whisper. "We both know-"

"I know, Severus," I snap back in the same whisper. "I told him no. I'm not going-"

We both fall silent. Lily sits next to me, ignoring Severus. She wasn't on good terms with him. She turns to me sharply.

"When were you going to tell me?" she hisses.

I just look at her calmly. I stand and grab her upper arm lightly, tugging her along after me. The Potter Four watch with glares. Remus doesn't glare at me. I leave Severus and go for the dungeons. Lily pulls from my grasp and turns on me. Angry.

"You've lied to me."

"I did no such thing, Lily," I reply, just as heatedly as her.

"You're engaged!"

"Not by choice!"

"When?" she growls.

"Christmas break. Not long after I got home."

She pales.

"That long?"

"Yes."

"You have to talk to Albus."

"Not yet."

"You're using this as an excuse."

I just look at her.

"Have you found a way out of it?"

I shake my head sadly. She pales.

"We'll find away," she says, trying to assure herself more than me.

"There you are, Ethriana," Alex Avery drawls as he spots me. "I was looking-"

He stops and sneers at Lily. She glares back. Avery is our year, the worst of the Slytherin, one of Tom's good men. He watches me for Tom.

"What are you doing here, mudblood?" he sneers. "Is it bothering you, Ethriana?"

"No," I drawl while sending Lily an apologetic look.

"I was just leaving," she says before pushing past him.

I close my eyes. Alex looks down at me as I open my eyes. I turn and brushing by him. He quickly follows me.

"He would like me to inform you that it is not advisable to ignore his letters," Alex drawls.

I stop with my back to him. He stops.  
"Tell him that it is not advisable to piss me off."

I walk away. I go back to the dinner. The Halloween dance is tomorrow. Potter and Sirius swarm me before I can sit. They link arms with me and whirl me around, dragging me off. Slytherins stand suddenly. I send them warning looks. They all sit, glaring at the boys.

They lead me from the room, trapped between them. They led me to the seventh floor. The tapestry of Barnabus the Barmy trying to teach trolls to dance the ballet was across from the door Remus stood at, holding open. I'm pushed in by Sirius.

I tumble and fall into a table. I grip the table and stand quickly. Sirius stands in front of the door, arms crossed and feet spread. Potter frowns down at me from next to him. Remus stands calmly next to the desk. We are in classroom. Old, unused.

I pull myself to my feet and sit on the edge of the table, desk.

"Explain."

I look up at Potter. Sirius won't talk.

"You said you would, now do it."

I sigh.

"This would be so much easier if I could just pass the information to you by-"

"No," Potter snaps.

I let out a calming breath. Alright.

"Life story then," I sigh while pulling my legs up onto the desk with me. I look down at the floor as I start the story.

"When I was younger I went from foster home to foster home, orphanage to orphanage. No stead homes. Who wants a poor orphan girl who's creepy, doesn't like to play, does strange things? Nobody. I became a bully by the age of eight. I caught dolls on fire. Girls' hair. Clothes. Beat up boys. I pretty much could do basic spells you learn in first year before I even knew I was a witch. One day an old man came by. Dumbledore. He had seen me in the yard, in the mud, beating an older boy up for calling me a witch. He told me a boy would be by to take me shopping for my new school. I thought nothing off it and didn't trust him. I've had too many people smile at me the way he did. Kind… Then turn out to be abusive, perverse, molesters." The air rushes from Sirius and Potter then. "I learned to hold back all of my emotions when I was nine. My foster parents used them against me. Well. Any way. The boy came. Tom was his name. Handsome. I trusted him. I had just left my last family. Wizards. Pure-bloods. I knew what I was clearly then. The last of a noble house. The most noble and influential. Blah, blah, blah. He had treated me kindly." I sigh at the memory. "Then I went off to school with," my eyes turn to Sirius. "You. Your mother picked me up from the orphanage on the way to the station. Tom… I owe everything to him. He got me parents, parents that don't beat me, or …anything else. Then he changed. He taught me things that were years ahead of my age. Wandless magic. Great defensive spells. Dark magic. Healing magic. He got me books to study. He was like a friend to me. Now… My foster parents were pushing me for something new. No more of just knowing my status. Now they pushed me to be a lady. Stronger. Hate muggles, muggle borns, mudbloods. Last year… my foster father found out that I was showing emotion. Behaving differently. Everything that happened, he knew of. Especially July. July is a muggle born. I befriended her. Cared for her. Still do. So…Father threatened. He would kill her if I didn't join. I did the only thing I could do….What he said. " I sit back and look up at he roof.

"Do you know how much it hurts to get this stupid tattoo?" I ask curiously.

They say nothing. I didn't expect them to reply.

"Like falling down those stairs last year time nine. Like getting the skin peeled from your arm and salt poured on it. Then it comes down to his wanted to make sure it was clear I was his. That what this was all about. Tom had been culling me since I started school. Making me the perfect bride for him. When I 'joined' I became his in a way. Just the way father and he wanted it. Soo…My mark burns more when he calls me."

I look at them.

"Do you know what it's like to take a life?" They say nothing, frown at me. "No? The first few are… hard. I get all these visions the next few days of how their life could have been had I not done it. Their past. Stupid. I know. Sucks being a seer. I just have to block it out now. I fought at first. But…he just killed loads more than he would have had me kill. My one muggle or his fifty. You do the math. I started getting visions of this Order. I didn't tell Tom. I told nobody. It was a new hope. Then Tom heard of it from his other men. Started having patrols set up. I knew where all of your spots were. I would use my command as His second to tell them to go another way, keep it clear for you guys. Slyly maneuver things into your hands. I… worked things out."

I fall backwards into the wall behind me. Saddened.

"It was all going so well. Then Tom did something I had not expected. He wanted me to marry him. I told him no. I started to drink then. Hide more. Then he forced this," I hold my hand out glaring at the ring. "_Thing. _On me. It won't come off. His claim on me. Now all his men and their children look at me as being on his level. Like I'm the Holy-bloody Grail. All these spies in the school." My hand drops. "Now I just want to kill them all. Severus is under watch constantly. I had wanted to find my own path in life. Dreamed of finding that one guy and marrying him. Having a kid. Living in the manor." I smile wistfully. "Teaching the kid to fly. Merlin I love flying. Tom hates it. Says it's unladylike. That apparating is much more appropriate. Laughs at my dreams. I wanted to be a Medi-auror." I sigh while looking at the roof again, sagging against the wall rather unlike my normal stiff, regal manner. "He laughed at that too. Says I'll be better as his wife, standing at his side when he becomes the leader of all wizards and witches."

My eyes close. I let a breath out. My head turns to look at Sirius.

"I thought that was all I had in life last year. Just being a simple minded woman for him. Then Sirius comes along. Filling me with new ideas. New hopes. I didn't even know what dating was until then. I saw a new light to things. I questioned all the things I had once thought were truth. What Tom had told me. Then it all crashed. Now I'm hiding at this school. I had to con him for months to let me come. I needed time away. Time to think. Get out of it all. This ring ties me to him. He can find me anywhere with it. He used a lot of my own spells on it. Now I'm just enjoying life until the end of the year. He'll force me to marry him. In one of those stupid over done weddings. Mocking my dream wedding. Then… I can't even think of it," I say while tangling my hands in my hair. "I also came back because I know Tom doesn't like Albus. I-" I stop. The vision coming back. I bite my lip. "So much will change after this. Too much will happen. It will never be the same."

"You came back to seek help," Remus says, understanding.

I have tears in my eyes. I won't look at them I keep my head resting on the wall, looking at the roof. He comes closer.

"What did you see?" he asks.

I close my eyes and smile sadly. Nothing comes out.

"Ethriana. What did you see?"

I say nothing. I don't move. I'm not smiling at all now. Just sad.

"What did you see that changed your mind?"

Sirius grabs my upper arms and shakes me suddenly. My eyes snap open to lock on his.

"What did you see?!" he demands.

My mouth opens in an oh. I have no time to stop it. My head snaps back and I fall into the vision I had been fighting.

I come out of it quickly. Sirius looks worried. I push off the desk and rush from the room. They don't follow.


	20. Chapter 20

"Riana."

I turn to look at the speaker. Alex. I turn back to the mirror. My hair was swept back from my face. Glitter covers my skin. My eyes looked drawn out. The costume was nice. The white short toga had gold cord winding over my middle. The dress was held up by one shoulder with a Greek clasp. The toga went to mid thigh. A snake arm band is on my upper right arm. And sleeve gloves went to my elbows, held in place by little elastics over my middle fingers. The Roma boots went to my knees. My hair hung in light ringlets behind me. The white cloth behind me gripped as the clasp and went to my ankles; thick metallic gold cloth rimmed the bottom of the cap like cloth. One side of the cloth met at the hip opposite the shoulder with the clasp.

I turn away from the mirror and glide into the Great Hall Alex stays close to me. I look so stupid. Tom had sent it. I had no choice in the costume, I feel so… uncomfortable. I go for a table. Lily smiles as she sees me and motions to me. I ignore Alex and go over to her. I sit next to her; she's dressed as a fairy, in green.

"You look beautiful, Ethriana," she says while looking me over.

"Yes. Lovely," I say with sarcasm. "I just wanted to the Venus."

"Alright, not your style," she says, "But it looks good."

A boy nervously comes over. He stops in front of me. I don't look at him.

"Ethriana?" he asks meekly.

I look up. Travis Pane. He's from my House. Handsome. He's dressed up in muggle clothes.

"Care to dance?"

He offers his hand. I place my hand in his.

"I can try, but I'm not sure how good I'll be in these high heels," I say while standing.

I moved surprisingly gracefully in the tall heels. I smile as we dance. I dance with quite a few boys. I even dance with Lily and July. Trinity won't talk to me. I'm smiling and having fun.

"Ethriana?"

I turn from listening to Lily and July talk. Severus stands behind me in the black robes he usually wears out of school. He has his hand offered. I take it and follow him to the dance floor. He dances a little stiffly. Not bad.

I smile as we dance.

"I see you got a costume," he says while we move about the dance floor.

"Yes. It was sent to me."

He nods. He's nervous. "Alex is staring," he says while looking over my shoulder at nothing.

"Let him. Alex is nothing."

"Alex is important."

I laugh as I dance with him. "No. Not to me. Nor should he be to you."

He says nothing. The song ends. I turn. I'm stopped suddenly. A chest blocks my path. Sirius. He's come as a God. He pulls me into a dance.

"So…" he says while we dance.

"What is it, Sirius?"

"There's a party in the Requirement Room after this."

I pause.

"Are you asking me to go as your date?" I ask while looking up at him.

"Our costumes do match."

I roll my eyes.

"Sure."

He smirks proudly. Things changed from there. We left not long after. Lily came, surprisingly. Most of Gryffindor was there. I laugh as I come in on Sirius' arm. The place looked great. I had snuck away from Alex's sight to get here. He would be angry. What do I care?

The next day I came into the Hall with a smile and talking with July, happily chattering. We look over at the Gryffindor table and giggle as we sit. Potter was hung over.

An arm goes over my shoulders and pulls me to them not long after I sit. Sirius is smiling as he smiles at me. I smile back and laugh with him and July. Almost all of Slytherin and the school was watching us. We lean in and whisper. I pull back giggling girlishly, a hand over my mouth. July laughs with me. Sirius looks smug.

We all glance over at Potter. He glares at us.

"Quit showing off, Padfoot!" Potter calls to him.

I giggle as July whispers to me. Sirius laughs. His hearty bark like laugh erupts. His arm isn't around my shoulders now. He's sitting close still. He winks at me before taking a drink of his juice. I blush lightly and turn to eating.

"Oi! Prongs!" he calls, turning in his seat to look at Potter. "Sure you're not sick? Going to fall?"

"Shut your trap, Padfoot," he snaps back with a laugh.

We have another round of my giggle and their laughs. The warning horn sounds. Sirius grabs my bag and stands, smirking at me, and offering a hand to help me up. I place my hand in his and stand. July stands too. We walk to Advanced DADA.

I sit in the back, Sirius sits next to me. July sits in front of us. Potter runs in and falls into his seat a second before the horn. Sirius leans across his desk, Potter is in front of him.

"I see a little silhouetto of a man," he sings brazenly.

Potter whirls around, smirking.

"Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango," Potter sings back.

"Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me," Sirius calls back. The whole room was looking at them now.

"Gallileo, Gallileo,"

"Gallileo, Gallileo,"

"Gallileo Figaro – magnifico!"

"Well, good to see you're awake today, Potter," Revette says while looking at Potter.

Potter smiles proudly. Sirius is chuckling. Revette sends a look at my table. His eyes snap to me. He's surprised to see me next to Sirius. I have my book out, quill in hand. Sirius has his feet up on his end of the table.

"Miss Lothmeirr, good to see that you want to continue your education."

I stiffen. I bite back my anger. Sirius catches the meaning behind Revette's words. His feet slap the ground as he glares at the teacher.

"Are you implying that Ethriana is stupid, _Professor?_" Sirius demands.

Revette looks at Sirius.

"Of course not," he drawls snobbishly. "Miss Lothmeirr has her reasons for getting an education. Which she strongly needs."

I grab hold of Sirius's robe. He stops his remark. His wand was out under the table. He looks at me. I'm calm. I look right at Revette.

"Every one needs an education. Even educators. Maybe we can take up your veiled insults with Dumbledore. He would love to know that you hold a grudge against me. I did, after all, beat you in a duel over summer break."

He sneers openly at me. I look up from my book, smirking lightly.

"Why you-"

"Cheated?" I ask while looking at him from the corner of my eyes. "How can I cheat? It was all under your terms, Professor."

"The Marauders have rubbed off," he sneers.

I smile at him. "Rubbed off?" I turn to Sirius. He looks back at me. "Have you rubbed off on me, Sirius?"

"Nope," he says with a huge smile.

"Well. I could have sworn that somebody said you have."

"Hmm. What kind of person would say such a thing?"

I turn a sly look at Revette. He frowns and drops it. He's been cowed. He goes into the lesson. I pay it no mind. Sirius passes notes to Potter. July turns to me after the lecture and smiles.

"That's going to be around the school and back by next hour."

I nod and roll my eyes. It was all so stupid. All of these teachers used to love me. I can get it back just as easily. Starting with Slug. I waltz out of DADA with Sirius at my side. We have every class together, just like Severus.

Slughorn looks up as I enter the class room. He smiles at me widely. I smile back and take my normal seat in the back. He watches as I pull out my things for class. I sit and act intent on his lesson. I'll have him in moments. He gives us a quiz. I finish with a flourish a few minutes later. Lily looks up with wide eyes as I glide down the stairs to the desk. Slughorn looks up at me with wide eyes.

"Here you are, sir," I say while holding out the parchment to him.

"Have you thought about coming to my meetings this year?"

I smile. "I had only needed an offer, Professor."

I turn and glide back up to my desk.


	21. Chapter 21

I got most of the teachers on my side again in a matter of a month. Word was out. I'm back on top. Star pupil. I wasn't happy though.

I sigh as I fall into the pile of cushions on the floor in the Room of Requirement. Muggle music is playing and we got alcohol again. Sirius falls down next to me a little later. Lily is on another set of cushions with James. Remus is with July, talking about school. Sirius' arm drapes around my shoulders. I pay it no mind.

"Prongs says he got Lily to be his date to the dance," Sirius says while drinking a muggle beer. I'm doing the same thing.

"I know. He's like her for a long time."

We don't talk for a bit. I'm moving my foot to the music.

"Do you have a date yet?" he asks.

I stop and think.

"Had lots of offers. Avery scared them all off."

"I could always take you."

I stop with the beer to my lips. I turn to him.

"You're asking me to the dance?"

"I'm asking you all together," he says slyly with a smirk.

I frown at him.

"What do you mean?"

He laughs.

"I forget how new you are to this world. I'm asking to go steady."

I search his face for any lie. Show that he is joking. Nothing. He's serious.

"I'm engaged."

"I don't care. Do you like him?"

"No."

"Is he here?"

"No…"

"So why not?"

I smile as I look at him. "Why not," I say in that same care free way he is.

He smirks. There goes his ego. The Bee Gees comes on. He puts out beers down suddenly and pulls me to my feet. I laugh as he starts to dance us.

"Their right," he says as we dance, "You should be dancing."

I laugh with him. I've had so much fun with him. I've never had fun like this. I flick my hand at the room. The lights go out and a disco ball comes on. I laugh as the music turns up and Potter pulls Lily up. July pulls Remus out. Peter watched us dance.

All in all. It was the start of my change.

July and I start sitting at the Gryffindor table after a few days. I evened out my day. Half of my classes I sat with Sirius, the other half I sat with Severus. I spent most of my nights with Sirius and some nights with July and Lily for girl nights, as they called them.

Today I wore a gold sweater, one of Sirius' ties, a pair of red jogging pants with gold stripes on the sides, and red shoes. I had Sirius' scarf around my neck and a strip of red and gold paint on each cheek. Lily stood with me, Severus, and July in the risers. Severus wore his school robes. Us girls were decked out in red and gold. None as much as me.

"GO SIRIUS!" I yell over the crowd.

We were going against Slytherin today. Gryffindor was winning by a landslide. I'm cheering and yelling with the best of them. My eyes shift to Alex Avery. My eyes widen.

"SIRIUS!" I scream in panic. Avery had the beaters coming up on him.

He smirks as he glances at me. He sees my panic. He looks behind him. Too late. The bat smacks the side of his head.

I scream and react before Dumbledore. Sirius' freefall stops suddenly, about a quarter of the way down. My hand is out stretched to him. The strain is clear on me as I keep the boy hovering in mid air.

"Lily, summon his broom here," I say with my teeth clenched.

"Accio Sirius' broom!" she calls with the swish of her wand.

It flies toward us. Avery I frozen like the rest of the players. Avery is frowning at me.

"Here," Lily says while holding the broom out.

I leap over the edge of the stand in a flash as the spell snaps. Sirius starts to fall. I dive for him. I know I'll make it. The crowd watches with baited breath.

I fly off the broom with the impact of him hitting me. I circle my form around him and smack the ground. My breath gushes out. He's so heavy. I roll him over and painfully get up to lean over him. Pomphery is coming.

"Come on, Sirius," I say in a hushed, soft voice, worry touching it.

I turn his head a little. I don't have my wand. I search his form for the wand I know he has. In his shin guard. I pull it out and start muttering spells as Pomphery reaches me. His gash knits shut and the smashed bone reforms. His eyes weakly flutter as I pull back.

I go to stand. Pain flashes through me. I stagger to my knees. Pomphery goes to stop me. I grit my teeth and stand again. My right leg isn't right. Knee's dislocated. Few ribs broken.

Avery stands with his team cheering. They stop as I limp over. They fall silent as I push through them. They all move out of my way. I go for Avery fast. He has no time to think. Nor do I. My fist swings.

He cries out as he falls back. He frowns up at me, shocked I had hit him like a muggle. I don't use the wand in my hand. I grab his broom and snap it over my leg. I don't pay any mind to the people yelling my name. I don't pay mind to the throbbing pain, cuts, or bleeding gash from where a rib had pushed through my skin.

I swing the broom at his head like a cricket bat. He fails at dodging. It gives a resounding crack. Joyous for me. I pull back, breathing hard. I'll kill him if I do anything more. I won't stop until I kill him.

"Stupid, git! You could have killed him!" I growl in my dark voice. He looks up, fear fills his eyes.

I'm lifted from the ground and pulled away. I throw the broom end at Avery. He understood what he had done. He knew the consequence now. James carries me away. He puts me down next to Sirius in the Hospital Wing. Pomphery looks at me. I still have Sirius' wand.

Sirius turns to look at me as I let out a cry of pain when Pomphery touches my ribs.

"Just bloody fix them!" I yell. It hurt so much. She uses a spell to remove my sweater. The skin is already bruising and one rib is cut clean through the skin. Blood runs from the hole.

"I have to get your knee," Pomphery says, trying to calm me.

"I DON"T CARE ABOUT MY KNEE!" I yell. "I CAN"T BLOODY FEEL IT! FIX WHAT I CAN FEEL!"

"Calm down, Ethriana," she says in a calm voice.

I lock my eyes on her. She looks a little frightened now.

"Alright," she says while turning to the ribs.

I scream as all of the bones snap into place. God this hurt so much. Nothing like a broken rib. I don't even care if my top is clad in only a lacy bra. Pomphery heals the hole from the rib and rubs the bruise paste on quickly.

"Potter, lift her in the air," Pomphery orders while pulling out the rolls of bandages.

He uses his wand to lift me. My eyes are shut tight in pain. She puts the paste on my back before coving my form from under my breast to my hips in the bandages. She moves to my knee. It's a quick fix. It still hurts. She passes me a potion. I look at it then her. A frown. I know what potion this is.

"I know," she says sadly. "But you need it."

"It'll knock me out. I haven't tested it yet, Poppy," I hiss in pain.

"Test it now," she says with pleading eyes.

I look at her one last time. I snatch it and gulp the foul thing down. The beaker falls to the floor as all the muscles in my body contract. I let out a sharp cry before falling into nothing.


	22. Chapter 22

My eyes snap open a few days later. No pain. Nothing. The potion worked. I sigh as I sit up. My ribs didn't bother me. I smile proudly as I stand. No side effects. Just the way I made it. Pomphery smiles as she sees me. I'm still in the jogging pants and my bra. I note Sirius in the bed next to mine, looking at me, relieved.

My eyes go to the owl at the end of my bed with the red letter. I pale as I take it. Howler. It opens suddenly. I stand my ground as it drops out an open mirror.

"What are you doing, Ethriana?" the cold voice of Tom hisses. "You're starting to act like a filthy mudblood. Do you honestly think you're safe there? That it's your safe haven? There is no solace there," he hisses. "Your little tricks are done. You're coming home."

"No."

Tom frowns at me. I hold the mirror up to my face.

"I'm not leaving. This is my school now," I growl.

"Don't start with me, Ethriana," he warns.

"I'll start all I want, Tom," I snap. "I'm finally able to be a girl my age. I'm going to do it all I want. I know I'll never be able to have this time in my life later. I've seen the future."

He frowns at me. Knowing I'm not done.

"I've seen what the out come of this war is."

"You'll come back, Ethriana. I'm not letting you get away."

I laugh. "I know."

"Ethriana!" Tom yells.

"I'm in the Hospital Wing. I'll talk to you when I'm better."

I snap the mirror shut. I slide to the floor. The compact falls to the floor. Sirius is crouched in front of me, worried.

"Riana?"

He turns as somebody clears their voice. I lift my head to look at the person. Sirius stands. Dumbledore sits next to me. Sirius steps back, giving us space.

"I believe it's time Miss Lothmeirr and I spoke," Dumbledore says while giving Sirius a look to tell him to leave us. Poppy leaves too. They close the doors behind them.

I tell him everything. I even tell him what I've seen of the future. I told him what I knew was to come and feared so very much. I showed him.

I look at my work. Dumbledore looks up at the sound of me stopping. We're in his office. It was starting to hurt.

"Perhaps you should head to bed, Ethriana," Dumbledore says with a look of light worry.

"No."

"It will be here tomorrow."

I sigh. That was a dismissing order. I gather my robe over my arm and my books. I stand and go for the door. He's right.

"Good night, Dumbledore," I call while leaving him.

I walk down the stairs silently. Thinking. This was for the best. It has to be. Something moves in the shadows of the dungeons. I stop.

"Who's there?" I call.

Nothing. I press on. A noise causes me to stop again a few minutes later. I frown and whip around, wand out. Nothing. Somebody's here. The air is tense. I can feel them there. But where? I turn fully, wand unwavering. I'm frowning with thought and concentration. I can feel their minds. More than one.

I whirl and have my wand to what seems like thin air.

"I know you're there," I growl darkly. "I can feel you."

I pull back in a whirl of my skirt and slip my wand away. I snatch my fallen robe up just as smoothly and look toward the way I had come, expectant. Foot steps start to echo in the distance then. Closer they come and a form comes around the corner.

"There you are."

"Yes, here I am," I drawl as Severus comes out of the shadow of the hall and to the small torch lit section I stood in.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" he demands while coming closer, angry.

I remain calm and regard him with my cool look. "I know quiet well what I've done. I'll take every punishment, Severus."

He stands in a threatening manner. I pay it no mind. He's sneering down at me.

"He'll kill you."

"No. He won't."

"Do you honestly think you hold something over him that he cares of?" he sneers harshly.

"Yes."

"What could you possibly have that he wants?" he demands angrily in a harsh whisper.

I look him in the eye. "Me."

"You're just a woman!" he snaps in his hushed voice and gripping the front of my shirt. My feet lift a little off the ground so the tips of my shoes touch the ground.

"Severus," I say in my calm tone.

"He'll curse you with everything, Ethriana," he continues. "Kill everything you hold dear."

He cries out as he suddenly smacks into the wall behind him. I land on my feet lightly and fix my shirt calmly. He looks up at me. Fear, shock and worry are in his eyes. He doesn't care that I had done that, he's worried for me. I look down at him. I understood clearly.

"I've told you, Severus," I drawl while looking him in the eye. "I can't love you. Don't worry about me. I've dug this. I'll keep digging my way in. You will do your part. If he finds out of this, there will be dire consequences. If being beaten, raped, tortured, or murdered will change what I see, I'll let it happen. You'll understand someday, Severus."

"I'll understand that you'll let him kill you because of your conversing with them?" he demands in a hiss while standing.

I look away.

"Don't, Severus. We both know-"

"That you're so bloody righteous that you'll give your life up for some stupid mudbloods?" he sneers.

I close my eyes. That stung.

"Don't go there, Severus. I do not want to fight with you."

"You killed your own parents, Ethriana."

I bite my lip as I fight off the tears. I turn my watery eyes to him. He looks hurt them. He looks to want to take it back.

"They were going to tell Him, Severus. Ruin it all. I didn't want to loose July or Lily. They were fighting for what I should have fought for. They knew where the Headquarters for the Order was."

"Ri-" he says reaching out to me.

"DON"T TOUCH ME!" I yell sharply.

He looks hurt now. I'm angry.

"I've told you time and time again that I'm doing what I must. When will you ever trust me?" I hiss venomously.

I whirl about and march away quickly.


	23. Chapter 23

"Get up, Riana," July says happily shaking me.

I groan and look at her. She's dressed up. I look around the room. The girls are giggling and crowding the mirrors.

The ball. I groan and sit up.

"I'm up," I say while rubbing my face.

"Good. Now where's your dress?"

I sigh and get up. "In my trunk."

She dives into my trunk quickly while I stand and go for a shower. I'm assaulted when I get out. The girls of my dorm attacked me with make up and beauty products.

"You're going with Sirius Black, you have to look good," Whitney Scott says while happily doing my make up.

I stumble away an hour later. My hair is straightened, my make up is focused on drawing the blue out in my eyes, making them look darker, and my dress is on.

The dress is a halter-style dress with black lace and satin trim at the empire waist. It's black with a beige background and beige band under my chest. Tea-length. I didn't buy it. Tom sent it. Stockings went on my legs and simple heels graced my feet. Black opera gloves went up over my elbows.

My small trunk is packed for break. July would be staying. It was safest for her that way. I link arms with her and guide us out to the hall. She was with Remus. She really likes him. She wore a pink gown. She looks like a princess.

The boys were waiting for us at the door. I smile as I split from July and go to Sirius. I lean up and kiss his cheek. He looks stunned.

"What was that for?"

"I'm going home for break."

He frowns.

"You're going to visit right?"

"I can try. For now, let us bask in the night."

I slip my arm throug his and lead him in. I go for the dance floor. I danced the night away with him. We only stopped when the last song did. I look up at him. I lift my hand and cup his cheek.

"I have to go," I say while looking him in the eye.

"Be careful," he says while brushing his thumb over my cheek.

I close my eyes. I have to go. I pull away and leave. He was going to go with the Marauders later, with Dumbledore. July and Lily are staying to. They will go with Dumbledore after the boys.

I pull my cloak on and look back at Sirius. He's watching me, where I left him. I give a weak smile before stepping into the cold.

I step off the train in the same dress from the dance. I hadn't changed anything. My small trunk is in hand as I step onto the platform.

"See you, Ethriana," some girl I don't know calls as she passes me.

I furl my brow as I watch her go. What was that about?

"Happy Christmas, Ethriana," a couple chirps happily while they pass.

What?

"Happy Christmas," a group of girls chirps to me. "Have fun over break, Ethriana."

People keep passing and saying my name while wishing me a happy Christmas or saying they'll see me. I stand dumbfounded on the platform. Even bloody first years are saying it!

"Ethriana."

My head snaps to the speaker. Tom stands in his normal attire. I lift a hand and brush the hair from my face.

"See you in a few weeks, Ethriana," a girl calls as she passes.

I whirl to glare after her.

"What the bloody hell is going on here?" I snap.

The girl stops. "What do you mean, Ethriana?"

"I don't bloody know you."

"Oh, come on. I'm in the fourth year class that you aid Professor Therstrum in."

I frown. She smiles.

"Besides," she chirps. "Everyone knows you. You're the it girl of Hogwarts. Especially after that game."

I tilt my head a little. My eyes widen as I pale lightly. I had forgotten I had done that. Great. Now they all know I can do at least some wandless magic. I wave her off. She smiles before rushing off.

I lift a hand to my face and cover my eyes. I run it down my face as I fight off my wanted reaction to this all. So there's my explanation. Tom takes the lugage from me. I look up at him.

"I think I need some bourbon," I drawl while linking my arm with his offered arm.

He apparates us to my home, his headquarters. I take my cloak off after we apparate into the Entrance hall of my home. An elf pops up and catches it. I glide for the stairs. I'm suddenly tired. I shouldn't have danced so long.

"Where are you going?" Tom calls after me.

"My room. I'm dead tired, my feet are killing me, and I want to get out of this dress. The clasps in the back are grinding into my spine," I call back, half way up the stairs to my room.

"We have a meeting."

I pause at the top of the stairs.

"I'll change and be down."

I go to my room and strip quickly. I pull on a black floor length nightgown that was rather like a slip. I pull a night robe over my shoulders and kick my heels off. The gloves land on my bed before I leave my room, daringly, with the robe hanging open and bare foot.

I sweep into the dinning room with my robe dancing behind me. I didn't care who saw me in my night cloths. I flip my hair from my face as I sit next to Tom. The men at the table watched me closely. Tom's eyes lit over my form. I had never worn something as revealing as this in front of him or any body else for that matter. Most of my clothes didn't cling as this silk gown did.

"Good evening, Ethriana," Lucius drawls while looking me over.

"Malfoy, how good to see you," I drawl back while lifting the glass of wine before me to my lips. I sip before speaking again. "I hear you are engaged to Narcissa."

That cowed him. I set my glass down and set my folded hands on my lap. Tom glances at me before looking over every one.

"The Order is growing."

Nobody dares whisper like they wish to.

"I want their names."

I stand quickly. My hand is to my mouth. My eyes widen as I run from the room. My stomach was turning and what little I've had today was going to come up. Whispers follow me as I run for the nearest bathroom.

The world turns on me as I stumble and land on my hands and knees before the toilet. I quickly scramble for the bowl. I don't even feel it coming up or out. I justgrips to toilet as the world spins. What's wrong with me?

It slows. I cough. The world is there, but I feel heavy, hard to stay up. I'm tilting. I smack the floor hard. Unable to up anything else. My skin feels cool as I stare at the wall through my hair. I feel so…tired.

"Ethriana!" a panicked voice calls while the person runs into the room, falling to their knees next to me.

They grips me and turn me over fast. I can't focus on anything. Can't … move. My breathing is slowing. What could have made it this way? I'm unable to do anything. The world slows. I'm able to see clearly. I can't turn my eyes, I can only look ahead, the way my head is facing.

"Come on, Ethriana," Narcissa says while tapping my face.

I look right at her. I see Tom running into the room. He slows as he sees me. His eyes are widened a little as he slowly goes to his knees next to Narcissa. I'm racking my brain for what it could be.

My mind snaps to the flickering thought that I had pushed off before. That boy had given me a drink on the train. Who? His face was hidden.

"What's wrong with her?" Narcissa asks, scared for me, head turned to Tom.

Tom takes me from her arms carefully. He turns my face too look at my eyes.

"She's concious," he says while gazing into my eyes. He presses his fingers to the pulse in my neck. "Her pulse is slow, like she's sleeping."

Date rape.

"I want the person she rode with on the train here now!" Tom orders as he lifts me from the ground and stands.

He pushes through the crowd. My head and body hang limp in his arms. I'm seeing the world from a new angle, upside down. What I'm seeing isn't in time with reality. I'm moving a little slower.

I feel a bed under me. Hands lift my head and position it so it isn't uncomfortable. I'm not on a bed. I'm on the couch in the living room at the front of the manor. People are crowding in to see what's wrong. My face is turned to the fire place.

Tom kneels next to me, face close to mine, searching my eyes. I could open my mind to him, speak to him. No! Too much there for him to steal a look at. I can't risk it. He frowns as he realises I'm not going to open my mind, thinking I can't.

A thundering crack comes from behind him. Tom whirls around, allowing me to see more than his face. A boy stands, scared to death, in Lucius' grip. He pushes the boy to the floor and Tom swoops in.

"You shared Ethriana's compartment on the train?" he demands in a cold voice.

The boy looks up. Marcus. He looks at me. His eyes widen. He stands and goes to move toward me. Tom whips his wand out, stopping the boy in his tracks.

"Y-y-yes, my lord," Marcus stutters. "She insisted that nobody else join us. She was tired and wished to rest."

"Why did she have you in the compartment?"

"Sh-she wanted somebody in the compartment t-to ensure that she wasn't b-b-bothered."

"Why was she tired?"

"She-she hasn't been sleeping well lately. She's been staying up, working or sneaking out."

"Explain." Tom's getting angry.

"Well, she's been going to the Hospital Wing a lot. Working on something."

"Do you know what?"

"Some potion. Something Pomphery had requested. She had found one of Riana's books and something caught her eye."

Tom glances at me. He looks thoughtful, confused.

"Did anybody enter the compartment?"

Marcus looks a little startled by the change.

"A-Avery, my lord. He came while she was bent over her book, working on something."

"Did he give her anything?"

"Yes. A butterbeer."

Tom sends Lucius a look. He apparates out. Marcus looks at me again.

"Is she going to be alright, my lord?"

Tom glances at him before turning back to the person he is speaking to.

"Please, Sire. She's like a sister to me," Marcus pleads.

"She'll be fine," Regulus says from somewhere out of my line of sight.

Another echoing crack comes.

"Let go of me!" a male growls.

Avery stumbles into my sight. His eyes widen as he sees me. I catch the look of guilty fear. He did it. Tom sees it to.

My head turns from the sight, a soft hand cupping my face to turn me. Severus. He puts a glass to my lips and pours. Nothing happens. He passes the glass to somebody before messaging my throat.

I gag suddenly. I shoot up, coughing. Severus holds my shoulders to help keep me balanced. I swat him away after a second. My hair is brushed from my face. I turn my head to see who. Tom.

"Are you all right?"

I frown and push him away. I stand quickly. Avery's eyes widen as he sees the anger in my eyes, focused on him. He steps back as I stride forward.

"Ethri-" his plead breaks into a scream of pain.

I keep my hand out stretched to him. All my muscles in my arm are contracted, tight. My fingers are spread and crooked as if I am gripping his head as tightly as I can. He falls to the floor, writhing in pain. I fling my hand back like it stings.

"You filthy, traitor," I hiss while striding forwards.

I reach down and grips his throat. He grips my wrist while I pull him behind me. The fire bursts to life with a sharp flick of my wrist.

"No! Have mercy!" he cries.

I drop him next to the fire. I step over him and stand facing the fire, him between me and the fire. I sneer down at him.

"Mercy? I have no understanding of mercy, Alex Avery," I hiss while lifting my foot.

He grunts in pain as I bring my heel down on his ribs hard. It turns to a cry of pain as I feel a rib break. I lift my foot again and stomp down on his ribs again.

"You have been testing my patience for too long," I hiss though clenched teeth. "I hate spies. I hate you."

"Please!"

"Please?" I ask while raking the hair from my face. "You bloody almost killed me plenty of times in the last month. You expect _me_ to let it go?" I laugh darkly. "You are far dumber than I thought, Avery."

I reach down and grip the front of his shirt. He panics.

"Please!" he screams.

"Please let you down?" I ask calmly, like I'm curious.

"No!" he cries desperately. He's gripping onto me tightly.

I throw him away from me, toward the middle of the room. He sighs in releif after he lands. I half turn to look at him.

"You're bloody crazy," he gasps out in pain.

I smirk darkly as a thought comes to mind. I turn slowly and glide over to him.

"Really? Have you ever visited the psych ward?"

His eyes lock on mine. He's unsure of what to think. I lower to my knees, ladylike, slowly. I reach out, a soft look in my eyes. I lightly pull him to me and set his head in my lap. My pets his cheek like his mother would, lovingly.

"Ethriana," Tom calls from behind me. "That's enough. Let me finish this."

"Shh, Tom. You'll make this harder," I call over my shoulder. I smile down at Avery. "If he thinks I'm crazy, I'll show him crazy." His eyes widen. My hands grip the side of his head, stopping him from getting away. "Besides, I've got a new spell I wish to try. And who better than Avery?"

I lock my eyes with Avery. My lips move, no sound comes out. Avery starts to convulse in my hands. The simple words are said, just three words. I pull back and push him from my lap. I stand, watching as he stops convulsing and starts screaming.

I circle him while watching what happens. The screams stop abruptly. I look up and look over the people in the room.

"Where am I?" Avery asks, nervously looking around him.

I glance at him as I stop next to Tom. I give Avery a lost look.

"What ever do you mean? Who are you?"

Avery's eyes widen as he racks his brain. "I-I don't know. Who am I?"

I flash him a smile.  
"Why," I drawl while going to him. "That's up to you. You are a muggle after all."

"Muggle?"

"Oh, just a non-magic folk," I say like it's nothing of importance. I pull him to his feet. He stands, looking around him, scared of the people.

I slip his wand from his pocket without his notice. He looks at me as I place it in his hand. I hold my hand over his and point the thing at the fire.

"Now, I need you to do something for me," I say softly while he looks at the wand like it is only a stick. His eyes flick to me. I'm standing behind him, almost pressing against him, my free hand rests on his shoulder and my face is next to his. "Focus on the stick in your hand and say Lumos with meaning."

He frowns. His eyes go to the wand. "Lumos."

Nothing happens.

"One more time, focus all of your might on the tip of that stick and say it again with feeling."

"Lumos," he growls at the stick.

Nothing. I smile brightly while slipping the stick from him. I pull away and walk away from him.

"Wait!" he cries as I hold the wand out to Tom.

I stop and wait for what he has to say.

"Please," he says softly, scared. "What's going on? Who am I?"

I turn with a smile. I hold the wand in my hands.

"Why, you, sir, are Alex Thomas Avery the fourth. I've just experimented on you."

"What?" he's utterly confused.

"It's quiet simple really. I've taken your memory and swept you clean of your powers."

"Powers? What are you talking about?!"

"You were a wizard, Mr. Avery. I've made you a muggle."

His eyes widen. I turn and hand Tom the wand before glidding through the crowd. I need to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

I wake to my curtains being opened. I groan, mutter, and turn over, covering my face with my blanket. The blanket is pulled from me.

"No," I whine sleepily, eyes still closed.

I pull myself into a ball and hug the pillow under my head.

"Get up, Ethriana," a cold voice says from behind me.

I crack an eye open. Tom. I close my eye and lift my hands to my face. He says nothing while I rub at my face with my hands and stretch my legs out.

"Can't I sleep in?" I mutter while turnign over to look up at him through my hair. "It's my first day back from school."

"Not that I don't mind the sight," he drawls while looking down at me, a light in his eyes that was pure male, "We have things to do today."

"It can wait."

"You need to get up, Ethriana. You need to get a fitting."

"Fitting? For what? I've not gained or lost any weight."

"I highly doubt you will. You're in Narcissa Black's wedding."

"What?" I ask, sitting up now and looking at him with one hand holding my hair from my face. "She's actually going to marry that man?"

"That man happens to be an aristocratic pure-blood."

I snort. "Oh yes, who else in this world would have guessed?" I snip sarcastically. "What, with his prancing about with that practiced drawl, up lifted nose and seemingly perminant sneer. Lucius is a pig."

I slide to the edge of the bed, next to him, and drop the half foot to the floor. I glide past him and to the balcany.

"Must I be in it? She hardly knows me and I have more important things to do than look pretty for photos."

"She's specifially requested you as her first bride's maid."

I lean on the door to the balcony, my forearm against the glass and my forehead to my fist.

"I suppose I'll have to choose bride's maid too and start the plans for this damned wedding." I sigh and look out at the snow covered grounds.

"You should have started on that before now," he says while coming over to stand a little behind me and look out too.

"Of course, I'll just drop my research to plan a wedding I didn't want in the first place. Why don't you do the wedding plans?"

I turn my head to look at him. He's looking out the window.

"We both know I know nothing of weddings."

"It will be your big day."

I snort as I push from the door and face him.

"My big day? It's more of your day. I'm just the object to be traded off from my freedom to servitude as your wife. Where you'll, no doubt, want me to supply you with an heir." I sneer as I walk past him toward my closet. "I think it wise to inform you that both you and I lack any parenting skills and that I so not want to have a child."

"You'll think different of it later, Ethriana. You're still thinking of those childish dreams of a teenage girl," he says calmly.

I whirl around in the middle of my room.

"Childish dreams?" I demand sharply. "If you haven't noticed, Tom, I'm a bloody teenage girl as you call it! Those dreams were my life." I motioning with my hands angrily, openly angry as he looks at me calmly. "How childish is it to wish to work to better the wizarding world and help those who need it?" All right. I'm basically yelling now. "How childish is it to want to marry the man you love? I want that normal witches life, Tom! I don't want to be the evil wife of the dictator of the wizarding world! I don't want to have bloody children! Not with you, not with anybody!"

He had crossed the room in a few quick strides while I ranted. His hand lifts and connects with my cheek. I fall to the floor, my face stinging from the hit. I look up at him, shocked, pissed.

"You'll do as I tell you, Ethriana. I give you more leeway than you may think. Get up."

"Get out," I say, softly.

He doesn't move.

"Because your hormones are running amuck from your female cycle doesn't give you right to act in such away," he continues.

"GET OUT!" I bellow. I stand and seeth.

He regards me calmly. "Be at Madam Malkin's in an hour."

He leaves leisurely. What gall that man has. I march into my bathroom and get ready.


	25. Chapter 25

I walk out of the shop a few hours later. I glance at my watch. I have time. I calmly walk toward the Leaky Cauldron, checking for spies slyly. None. Good. I just had my fitting for the bride's maid's dress and my measurements taken for my wedding gown. I had to give her my order for it. Tom had informed her that I would give her such an order and it had startled me.

It was rather crowded in the Leaky Cauldron. I continued past the tables and went for the door. Nobody stopped me. Nor followed me. I step out into the street and cursed not having a cloak. I had opted for a muggle coat that was as long as my dress. It went to my knees and the skirt of the dress danced around my legs in the frigid wind.

The people passing gave me looks. My red hair was blowing in the wind around me. I had a 50's style sundress. It was black with white, tiny polka dots. The cotton dress had a 'sexy' gathered bust and flared skirt. I didn't see it as sexy; it was just a dress to me. Then again I did have on white tights and black pumps.

I ignore the people and walk on. I didn't have a specific place I wanted to go to. I just needed to get out, relax a bit. I stop on a street on one of the more populated streets. Lily was inside. A book store. I wanted to go in. I can't. She turns her head. Her face lights up as she sees me.

She motions me in. I purposely make it obvious that I'm looking around for people following. She bites her lip. She scribbles something down quickly. She presses the paper to the window before me. I read over it quickly.

_Coffee shop, three blocks toward Cauldron, half an hour._

I nod and walk away. I find a news stand on my way to the café she was telling me of. I stop and look over the news.

"It's the Prophet you're looking for," the man behind it says while pulling out a paper.

I pass him muggle money and he winks at me as I leave with the paper under my arm. I find a table in the back of the café after getting a coffee. I'm starving, but Tom would be mad if I ate anything. He wants to have lunch together.

I open my paper and start to read over it.

"Well hello, doll," a male voice says in a false suave voice. He's young. About my age or a little younger.

I do not look up at him or his friends that strand around my table. I lift my coffee and sip it. They wait for me to say something. They'll get nothing.

"What's your name, sweet thing?" the guy asks.

"I believe I'm busy at the moment and do not wish to be bothered," I drawl while reading over an article.

"I can help keep you busy," he says with a perverse lilt.

I look up then. Frowning at him.

"You look like a bloody rat, boy. Do you think I would want anything of that kind from you?" I snip. I lift my hand with Tom's ring on it. "I'm engaged. Do you understand that? Taken. No go away before you anger me any more."

"Eh, no need to get mean," he says, defensive.

I turn back to my paper. The chair across from me pulls out suddenly. The boys are quiet, still there though.

"Hello, Riana," Lily says happily as she puts her bag on the table.

"Well hello darling," the boy says while looking over Lily.

I slap my paper down on the table and stand. My coat is hanging open. His eyes don't look at my face, they go to my body. The other boys back up and leave him quickly.

"Get away from us you pig. We're taken," I hiss.

He opens his mouth to say something.

"Is there a problem here?" the owner of the café asks, coming over.

The boy is clearly scared of the owner.

"No, he was just leaving," I drawl while sitting.

The boy rushes off. Lily laughs as I sip my coffee.

"How are you, Riana?" Lily asks as she takes the extra coffee I had sitting on the table.

"Angry."

"What happened?"

"He happened. He forgets that I'm still 17 and have my own dreams. He's so-so aggravating." My stomach growls while I lift my paper to read.

"You haven't eaten?"

"Can't. He wants to have lunch together."

I fold the paper and look at her.

"He hasn't got on me for Sirius or you guys yet. I know he will. But… I feel like he's waiting for something."

"Maybe he's got the idea that- You haven't had sex with him have you?"

I give her a purely disgusted look. "No. Merlin, no. He wants me to have his children though." I shiver in disgust. I pale then. "I'm so not going back."

"You have to, Riana," Lily says quickly.

She grips my hand in hers, I'm smaller than her. "Be strong."

I look at her eyes. She's right. I take a breath.

"I'll contact you somehow," I say while handing her the paper. "Don't worry, Lily."

"I'll always worry, Riana."

I smile sadly at her. "Good bye, Lily."

"Bye, Riana."

I stand and leave for the bathroom quickly.


	26. Chapter 26

I apparate into the entrance hall of my home. A small bag hangs from my arm. I start to walk for the stairs before anybody could blink at my arrival. Narcissa stood with Bella in the entrance hall.

"Ethriana," Narcissa calls.

I stop and turn back to her, seeming to have just noticed her. I go back over to her.

"So did you decide on a dress?" Narcissa asks happily.

"Which dress?"

"Your gown of course."

I give her a lightly confused look.

"For the ball."

My eyes widen.

"There's a ball? When?"

"The Christmas Ball."

I relax a little. That's a few days off.

"I'll have something by then."

"Did you decide on the dresses for your bride's maids?"

"No."

"You should hurry up and decide. Who have you chosen as your maids?"

"Probly that filth July Setters she always hangs around," Bella sneers.

"Bella!" Narcissa says with horror.

"Well, we both know Bellatrix isn't one," I drawl while turning on my heel. "If I had my way I would be living on my own, single, in Normandy working for the Ministry as a medi-auror."

An elf pops in next to me.

"Lunch is served, Mistress," it squeaks.

"Where is it set at?"

"You're tea room."

I push on. I have things I wish to do today.

Tom is sitting at the table in the tea room when I come in. I go by him calmly. He watches as I drop my bag and purse on the trunk at the end of my bed. I pull my coat off while going for the closet.

"Where have you been?" he calls.

"London. I stopped at a café for a drink after the fitting then went to Flourish and Blotts. I stopped by Borgin and Burkes," I say while slipping my heels off by the door to the tea room and leaving them there.

"You went to Knockturn Alley without an escort?" he asks with a look while I sit in the chair across from him.

"Honestly, Tom, who would bother me?" I ask calmly while placing my napkin on my lap.

"Did you decide on your wedding gown?"

"Yes. Not an easy feat, but it's down. I'll have to go back the day after Boxing Day for a fitting on it."

The elf, Holly, pops in and puts a plate of food before me. I look it over. It will do. I lift my foot and begin to eat. Tom watches, while he eats.

"You received mail today."

I look up and lift a brow.

"Mail? From who?"

"The Ministry."

"What was it concerning?"

"They offered a job for when you're done with school."

I wipe my mouth, happy. "Really?" I ask with a little excitement.

"I burned it," he says in his normal drawl.

I snap my mouth shut and return to eating. I won't look at him now. He calmly remains eating as he had been, like dashing my dreams was so easy and uninteresting.

"Did you get anything on the wedding done?" I ask calmly, completely formal now. I'm not showing my emotion so openly as I had been.

"Yes. Narcissa is taking care of most of it. I've made the list for those attending and the date."

"You've decided on a date?" I ask, with out me? Wonderful. I roll my eyes at my plate.

"December 31st."

I almost choke on my food. I quickly finish swallowing the food and put my fork down. I look right at him now. Frowning. He lifts a brow lightly. Daring me to say anything else. I snap my napkin from my lap and slap it on the table.

"Excuse me, I've suddenly lost my appetite," I say while standing and going to my room.

I close the door to the tea room and snap the locks in. Spells fall into place. I turn to my bed and glare at the package I had gotten. So much for getting him a present. How could I lie to myself in such away?

I stand with one hand on my hip. The back of my right hand is to my mouth as I try to think quickly and calmly. No. Not calmly. I snatch up my coat and pull it on as I swing my doors to the tea room open. Tom looks up as I come in.

I don't look at him as I march for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Where ever I bloody please, Tom," I snap with my hand on the door. "I can't very well have my friends at the wedding and I know well that after I'm married I'll not see them. School and memories. I'm going to see them. I'll be back when ever I please."

"You'll be back tonight."

"Just keep telling yourself that," I drawl snidely while letting the door close behind me.

I march for the entrance hall. That is the only place you can apparate to or from in the manor. Narcissa sat with Lucius and Bellatrix in the parlor, talking over something. She looks up when she sees me.

"Is something wrong, Ethriana?" she asks, stopping me with her worried tone. She cared for me, for some odd reason.

"Yes. Anywhere away from men in this house and hopefully getting bloody smashed," I snip with at frown over my shoulder, toward where Tom stood at the top of the stairs.

"You like lilies right?" she asks after looking at the parchment before her.

"Yes. Thank you for taking care of the wedding. We both know he can't waste his time with something as _frivolous _as wedding details."

Narcissa flashes me a sad smile. I disapparate.


	27. Chapter 27

I sigh as I step out of the alley. There is no question of where I will go. I walk briskly, coat held tightly to myself. The little houses in Godric's Hollow all resembled cottages. I strain to remember what Sirius had said. The house number evaded my mind. I look at one house. The lights up stairs are on and people are moving about in the room.

35. I look around. At the end of the block. Children are out in the yards playing in the snow. Freshly fallen. I hurry my stride and go for the house. I stop on the door step and hide my anger. I lift my hand to knock.

The door swings open with my hand in the air, ready to knock. I flash a smile and lower my hand. The woman before me is tall, dark blonde, hazel eyes. A man is looking over her shoulder. He's smiling warmly. The woman is looking me over cautiously, she would frown if she didn't find it rude.

"Good evening," I say in my normal voice. "Are you Mr. and Mrs. Potter?"

"Of course," the woman says quickly. "Who else would we be?"

I give a fake, nervous tussle of my hair. "I wanted to make sure. I was going from memory on the house number."

"Sirius," the woman says with a roll of her eyes and leaving me.

"Who is it?" a male calls from the stairs.

James' face pops over the edge of the top floor, clearly some how looking between the rails and on the floor. His face lights up.

"Riana!"

His face disappears and there are raised voices up stairs, excited, and loud things moving, thumping, or sliding. His father smiles and motions me in. I step in slowly, cautiously looking behind me at the street. He looks out too.

"Hiding from somebody?" he asks in his kind voice.

"Just somebody I really don't want to see right now," I admit while he takes my coat and hangs it on the rack.

I'm scooped up and spun with out warning. I let a startled cry out as the person crushed me to their chest.

"Riana!" the warm voice says happily in my ear.

"Sirius Black! Put me down now!" I demand angrily.

He sets me down and can't stop smiling. I frown at him and fix my dress. I have no time to scold him, I'm swept from my feet again. I quickly clutch to the person, their lifting me higher than Sirius had and I felt like I would slip from their grasp easily.

"James!"

"Riana!" he calls back, swinging me happily.

I cry out as his grip slips. I fall back wards. I fall onto somebody, who quickly grabbed hold of me before setting me on my feet carefully. I flip my hair from my face and glare at the boys.

"Thanks, Da'," James says while the two teens pulls me up the stairs.

I'm released in a room with Gryffindor colors every where. Clothes are strewn everywhere and it is clearly a teenage boy's mess. Quidditch poster were on the roof. James sits on his bed happily. Sirius sits on the other bed in the room. I stand in the only clear spot on the floor. I sneer at the clothes.

"Oh, lighten up, Riana," James says while they both look at me.

"You all live like pigs in your room," I say while looking up at the posters.

"Oh, come on, Riana. You must have clothes on the floor in your room," Sirius says while pulling me to him. I step carefully over things and avoid the questionable dish on the floor with molding bread and hardened gravy.

"No, I don't. My room is meticulously clean. When I take my clothes off my elf takes them to be cleaned or I put them in the hamper. All shoes are put in their proper places and ect."  
Sirius whistles as I carefully sit on the edge of the bed next to him. He won't let go of my hand. They look at me after a sudden realization. Sirius' eyes turn to angry.

"What did he do?" he demands.

I look at him. "Nothing, just angering me."

James laughs. "That's hard to do."

"I don't have until the end of the school year."

The laughter stops suddenly. Both look at me.

"He's got Narcissa Black, soon to be Narcissa Malfoy, planning it and he chose the date."

"When?" Sirius asks in a soft voice.

"The 31st."

"Don't go through with it."

I frown at him. "Sirius, you know I have to."

He looks into my eyes and relaxes. "I know, but-"

"But nothing, Sirius." I stand and pull him up. I smile brightly. "Besides, I didn't come here for that. Until then, I shall see my friends and have all the fun I wish. The wedding is going to be far from my mind and only my friends shall be there."

He smiles. James whoops and stands quickly. "Now, let us go out and have fun."

"I'll call Moony," James calls, already bolting from the room.

Sirius grabs his coat and scarf. I walk in front of him, slowing his fast, happy walk with that joyful skip. James is standing impatiently at the door. Mr. and Mrs. Potter are in the doorway to the parlor. I smile at them and go over to them. I offer out my hand.

"I'm sorry for not introducing myself," I say with a kind lilt to my voice. "I'm Ethriana Lothmeirr."

"Lothmeirr?" Mrs. Potter asks, her eyes lighting up. Pure-blood.

Mr. Potter sends her a look.

"She dated your dad back in our Hogwarts days," Mr. Potter laughs while shaking my hand.

"I never knew him." Mrs. Potter's face falls. Mr. Potter looks sorry. "They died some time after I was born in America in a raid."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Mr. Potter says.

Sirius holds my coat out to me. I smile at the Potters and slip into the coat. Sirius pulls my hair from under the coat while I pull the gloves from my pockets and pull them on. He's in his coat and scarf already. I'm rushed to the door by the excited James and Sirius.

"It was nice meeting you, Mr. and Mrs. Potter," I call before James can close the door.

"Come on, we have to get Moony, Wormtail, Lily, July, and everyone."

"I thought it was just Moony?" I call after James; he's walking quickly in front of us. Sirius is at my side.

"James, I think you're rushing. How about just Moony and Wormtail?" Sirius bargains with him as we stop at the corner. James has his wand in the air.

My eyes widen as the rattling sound and a double decker come from seemingly nowhere and squeals to a halt before us. I stand, shocked, with the bus a mere inch from me. The door opens and a boy stands before me. A register hangs from his neck. He perks up at the sight of me and smiles. Not the best looker.

His hand snaps out to help me up. I step in daintily, holding my skirt down.

"Where to?" he asks with a thick back street accent.

"Diagon Alley," James calls from behind Sirius.

I step in and go for the stairs in the back. Sirius comes after me. James trails us. I go up and look around. Sirius sits next to me. James plops down across from us. The man comes up and holds out the paper with the price on it. I snatch it before either male can.

"Here," I say passing the man the money. He smiles at the sight of me opening my coat to get to my money.

He leaves after I turn from him, like he wasn't important. In my world, he's not. But in somebody else's world he is the focal point to their existence. Sirius watches me watch the city of London flash by. Sirius reaches out and holds on to me tight suddenly. I jerk in his hold as the bus comes to a lurching stop. No warnings.

"Leaky Cauldron!" the male calls.

We get of quickly. I rush in to the bar. It's not as crowded as normal. Sirius follows me. I do an uncharacteristic girlish giggle as I rush away from him and out to Diagon Alley. He catches me and I laugh as he twirls me. We don't hold hands or kiss. It's not safe here.

Remus is at the ice cream shop with Lily. Lily is now an official item with James. They kiss as Sirius and I approach. I smile and hug Remus happily.

"How have you been, Remus?" I ask as Lily and James have their moment.

"Fine."

"Riana," Lily says while smiling and hugging me. She slips her arm in mine. "I thought you had lunch plans."

"I lost my appetite over the dinner conversation."

She laughs as she leads me for a shop. The boys were clowning around as they followed us. I lean in and make it look like we're gossiping.

"I need you to get a message to Al. Tell him I need a way to contact him without His notice," I whisper in her ear before laughing and going in the store. I've gotten good at acting.

Lily follows me and finds me in the books on the top floor, advanced section. Sirius and the boys don't know where we are in the store, though it should be obvious.


	28. Chapter 28

I laugh as we reach the open part of the graveyard that had yet to become graves. I open my arms wide and spin while looking up at the night sky. It was beautiful. I fall backwards while watching the sky. Lily joins me, our heads touching. The boys join too, we for a circle with our heads touching.

"I love this place," I say while looking up at the stars.

"Me too," Lily says.

"When I have kids, I want them to grow up here. And when I die, I want to be buried here in this grave yard in a beautiful white gown with a corseted bodice with ivory embroidery. I want to have ruby red shoes on too," I say in a dreamy voice.

Everyone sits up, leaning on one elbow to look down at me. Lily looks the most worried. She's to my right.

"Riana?"

She knew I could see the future. Nobody else in this group did though. I smile at her. She relaxes.

"I'm pessimistic," I laugh while she lays down again. James and Sirius follow her lead. Remus sends me a look. He knew something. I send him a sad look as I turn away.

"I want that too, but without the dress and shoes," Lily says with a dreamy voice. "I want a little boy. What of your dreams?"

I sigh.

"I won't ever have them now."

"I know, Riana, but what were they? I want to work for the Ministry. I might go back and teach at Hogwarts."

"I want to be a medi-auror. I want to have 2 or 3 children. Preferably two boys and one girl. I'd name the boys Harry Alistair and Dontanian Scorpius. The girl would be Rosalie Helga. I want a home in the country with a lake and lots of open space. I'll teach them how to fly and swim. I want a husband that will play with the kids with me and be a good father. I'd marry for love. I'd wear a white gown with a corseted bodice, ivory embroidery, a gauze like material will go over the skirt and make a small train in the back, and I'd wear sparkling red high heels for my dream wedding out by the lake of our home. When the kids go off to school I would become the new school healer. I'd retire when I'm in my 60s and be a good grandmother. I'd have a big family. I'd donate to orphanages, adopt some. I'd work on my constant research happily. I'd cry at my daughter's wedding. Smile at the boys' weddings. And never loose contact with my friends. The war would never happen."

I sigh sadly at all the dreams I had shattered in a matter of a day by one person. Lily sighs dreamily.

"That would be a beautiful life," she says while holding James' hand.

"I know. I got a job offer from the Ministry."

"Really? What job?"

"I don't know. He burned it. –"

I'm cut off by my burning forearm. I let out one hiss of pain while holding it to my chest. I sit up fast and look at the sky.

"I have to go," I say quickly as they look at me. "I'll try to come out again soon."

"I'll do what you asked," Lily says as I stand.

I smile at them before disapparating.

The thundering crack signaled my arrival. I had no time to see it coming or who. I cry out and fall backward with searing pain in my face. The world wasn't sitting right with me then. I lay on the floor, dazed, listening to my blood rushing in my veins.

I'm dragged to my feet by my throat. Tom's angry face is the first thing I see clearly. I saw the next one coming. Crucio never felt like this before. I screamed and clawed at the marble floor for a long time.

He broke a rib and hurt my leg. Bellatrix helped me to my room. That was the first time Tom beat me and the first time Bella understood my situation. Her love for Tom was not like mine. We got a bond then.


	29. Chapter 29

I woke the next morning in pain. It hurt so much. I roll from bed and go to my bathroom after drinking a potion for pain. I strip and stand before my mirror, regarding my damage.

My lip was busted. I have a bruise covering the right side of my face. A gash at the end corner of my left eyebrow. Nasty bruising on my ribs and nothing on my hurt knee.

I looked bad. The shower didn't make it better, but was needed. I doctored myself the best I could. I didn't have bruising paste here. I'd have to make it. I healed the rib, gash and lip. I pulled on my normal black dress with the white cuffs and hardly any skin showing. I struggled to get the tights and shoes on. My hair was left down to cover the left side of my face. The potion wasn't strong enough.

I spent most of the day in my rooms. I couldn't eat. The paste was brewing as my door opened. I had the lights out and curtains open.

"Ethriana."

I didn't respond. I was busy dicing up megroot for the pain potion I was going to make. It was late that night. I had refused dinner, just as I had lunch, breakfast, and any food. The person flicked the lights to my library on. I didn't flinch as the lights blinded the person and myself for a second.

He stood in the doorway, looking at me. My face was hidden behind the thick red curtain of my hair.

"Ethriana," he says in a softer voice.

I remain working on the megroot. I slide the diced root into a bowl. He crosses the room to the table I worked at. He stands close to me. His hand lifts to move my hair. I do not react until he touches my hair. I pull away and turn my head in the other direction, clearly hiding my face.

"I've brought you some flowers," he says in his soft voice.

I say nothing still and cross to the other side of the table to check the potion. Done. The fire goes out without a word as I swirl my hand over the cauldron. The potion fills the container I have sitting on the table.

"It can't be that ba-" Tom says while quickly moving my hair.

He stopped at the sight of my hate filled eyes and the nasty bruise. He was clearly surprised by it. I smack his hand away and stride from the room. He follows me with the bouquet of white lilies in his hand.

"Don't be that way, Ethriana," he says while I cross my room.

I stop and whirl around.

"What way, Tom?" I snap, seething hate in my voice. "You beat me and used the Cruciatus curse on me for an _hour!_ What way would you be talking of? Me wanting to cut your male parts off? Or the pure pain I'm in right now?"

"I was angry," he says like it clears it all up.

"Oh!" I cry while throwing my hands in the air. "Oh, yes. When we all get angry we beat our fiancée until they can't walk correctly. Then if that's how it works I should be doing that to you!"

"Calm down, Ethriana. I came to make up."

"Make up?! I bloody hate your guts, Tom! The thought of you doing something for anyone but you is unimaginable! Purely impalpable! I don't want your lies. I don't want your false care."

I glare at him. He calmly sets the lilies on the little table by him, between the tea room and library. I watch as he calmly slips his robe off and stands in his usual white top, vest, and nice trousers. He looks up. I only get time to take a breath before I'm pressed to backwards. I fall over the end of my bed with Tom's hand on my throat; my eyes are still glaring at him.

He looks at my glaring face calmly. He startles me then. He leans in and kisses me. I lay still under him, still shocked and the hand at my throat hampering me. His hand at my throat moved. He lightly brushed my face before cupping it in his large hand. His eyes were open. Mine were shut tight.

I push at his chest the best I can. Nothing works. I can't think of any spells, besides he would kill me if I used a spell or charm or anything on him. My eyes snap open at the feel of his knee trying to bet between my knees. I struggle harder now. He pulls from his one sided kiss to watch me.

"Stop!" I cry, he has his knees between mine and I know what he's planning. "No, Tom!"

My voice cuts off. My lips are still trying to yell. Too many memories are flashing back. Tom doesn't know nor care. He grabs my hands and ties them to the head of my bed. I try to fight him and the bonds, but nothing works. I cried the rest of the night, trying to pretend that it was Sirius instead of Tom.


	30. Chapter 30

I awoke the next day, untied, in Tom's arms. I hurt so much. My hand lifts shakily to my face. A bruise circled my thin wrist. I lower my hand and slowly turn my head. Tom's arm was over my waist, his face pressed next to mine. Is this what spooning is?

Tom's fast asleep. I lift his arm carefully. Slipping out was harder. I get to my feet. My legs are wobbly and unsteady. Oh, Merlin! It hurts so much! I stagger over to the bathroom and close the door quietly. I get in the shower quickly. I feel so dirty. The scalding water beat down on me as I finished up cleaning myself and sat huddled under the flow of water. I put my head to my knees and cried.

The door to the shower opened suddenly. I do not look up. I hold myself tighter and try to look smaller.

"What are you doing?" Tom.

I glance out of the corner of my eyes, through the long curtain of my hair. He has pants hanging low on his hips.

"You've been in here for an hour, Ethriana."

I reach behind me for the towel. I snatch it and cover myself before he can get a look at me naked. I had new bruises and I didn't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing he made them. I slip by him with my head lowered.

He got in the shower after I left the bathroom. I slip into my usual dress, lacking the tights and leave my hair down. I have to hurry. I grab the potions I need, my wand, a cloak, and my purse. The sound of my apparating from my balcony definitely alerted Tom. I stumble as I see the house. It's the middle of a muggle neighborhood.

I keep my head down as I wait for somebody to answer the door. The door opened after a bit.

"Is Lily here?" I ask, face hidden, voice cracking.

"Yes. She's up in her room, Ethriana. Just head on up," her father says happily.

I walk up with my cloak on. Her door was open. I step in and she looks up from her book. Her eyes widen.

"Riana, why are you back so early?"

"I need your help, Lily," I say while taking the cloak off and looking at her with my half bruised face.

"Oh, Merlin," she whispers in shock with wide eyes.

She quickly shuts the door and sits me down.

"What happened to you?"

"Well, he finally punished me for the school year the other night. And last night…" I bite my lip. Her eyes widen and she covers her mouth. "It's between me and you. I need help taking care of the bruises and such."

She nods as she shuts her curtains and locks her door. I slip out of my dress and we get to work. It took a good few hours. I ate lunch with her and her family. I went back up stairs and pulled out my work. Lily said nothing as I started to work on the task I set myself on. It was clear that she didn't agree with it.

I apparated onto my balcony this time. Tom was on my bed, reading. He looked up as I came in with my bag and no bruises. I go past him and to the closet.

"Where have you been all day?" Tom asks while I hang my cloak and put my potions in their rightful places.

"Out."

"You're supposed to tell me where you are going."

"What's it matter? I always return home, safe and sound. Where's my dress for the ball?"

"On the door."

I turn around. A large black corseted dress with a train hung on the door. Strapless. Great. I take in the full skirt that would cover my feet no matter the shoes and the pattern from the ruffles. Alright. I love it. He had obviously chose it. He watched me take if down carefully. It was clear that I liked it. All silk. The dress was too big to put on in the closet without knocking things down. Or the bathroom. I kick my shoes off quickly and briskly go for the library.

It fit me perfectly. I couldn't get the laces in back. I come out of the library a little later. One hand holds the front of the corset up and the other lifts the front of the skirt so I can walk.

"I can't get the laces," I say while he watches me curiously.

He stands and carefully moves the train out of the way so he can get to the lacings. He tightens them to test the lacings.

"Tighter," I say quickly while holding my hands over the bodice of the dress.

He pulls them tighter. I jerk a little backwards with the movement of him pulling the lacings. I nod my head and he ties them at the small of my back. The lacings are stuffed into the small slit for them. I lift the front of the dress with both hands and go to the closet. I can't get in. Great. I bend at the waist and reach for the shoes. Not working.

"Accio," I mutter with the flick of my wrist at the heels.

They lift and come for me. Black heels, taller than I normally wear, about three and a half to four inch heels. Slip-ons. I step into them and go to the bathroom. The dress hardly fit in the room. I love it already. I set to work on my make up and struggle with ideas for hair. Large ringlets, pulled back in the front. I smile brightly as I use a spell to start curling my hair.

Tom is dressing in my room while I walk around with curlers in my hair. I go for my jewelry. A silver chain with a white gold locket for my necklace. I turn to Tom, frowning lightly. He's got his shirt half tucked into his open pants. I have a glove on one hand that goes just over my elbow.

"Can you take the ring off so I can get this glove on? You can put it right back on," I say while holding my hand out.

He looks me over. He takes my hand though and slips the ring off. I quickly pull the glove over my hand. He puts it back on before I can get the rest of the glove up over my elbow. I turn away and go back to my jewelry. A silver bracelet with a ruby goes on my right wrist. I'm good.

I take the curlers out as Tom pulls his robe on over his usual suit. It's tight on his throat, the black cravat pinned with a silver pin with a diamond. Nice. I pull the ringlets in the front back and pin them with a silver clip with diamonds on it.

"Come, Ethriana," Tom says while turning me from he mirror.

He opens the double doors from my room to the hall, I never open them, but I would have had trouble with the tea room doors. I glide out ahead of him. I'm ecstatic to show the dress off and talk with Narcissa and Severus. I stop at the stairs. Why would I want to talk to him? He's been treating me so oddly. I haven't talked to him since that night in the dungeons.

Tom takes my arm and leads us down the stairs. I am not smiling. My blank look is in place.

"The dress looks better than I thought it would," Tom says as we walk.

"For once I actually like your choice," I say coolly while we enter the ball room.

Who got my ballroom ready for this? Tom leads us to the middle of the room. It's already crowded. We came late. Right, Tom likes to show off.

I turn to face him as we stop in the middle of the room. The band quickly sets up for a waltz. Tom puts his hand on the small of my back and takes my tiny hand in his. I hate waltzes. He starts us into the dance.

I look at his face as we waltz. He's looking straight over my head. I'm struck by how handsome and young he looks. He's at least in his late 20s. The little crush I had on him a few years ago doesn't seem so silly now. He looked classy in his prim black and white wardrobe. Always so calm.

Alright, I still kind of have a crush on him, but I hate him for forcing my life and ruining it. It's just a stupid girl's crush. I sigh as my back presses to him. He some how moves so easily with the train of the dress over his feet. Neither of us falters because of the dress.

The song ends. I curtsy to him as he lightly bows. I stand and glide over to the drinks. I grab a white wine and red wine. I turn and stop. The handsome man looks me over while smirking. I flash a smile before trying to get past him.

He steps into my path again. My polite smile drops. The man was quiet good looking but he was aggravating me. I got a good look at him. Tan. Pretty brown eyes. Lazily styled short dark brown hair. Five o' clock shadow of facial hair. Full lips. Tall. Wider than Tom. Built from sports. All in all, eye candy and girls were yet to notice him. He knows how to seem invisible, like me.

"Pardon me," I say while trying to go around him again.

He blocks again. Sly.

"I'm Rafael Glen." Alright. I like his voice. Something has to be off with this man.

"Charmed," I snip while spotting Tom sitting and looking for me. I'm blocked from view by Rafael. "Ethriana Lothmeirr."

"I've never seen you before."

"I know. I'm usually the one in the corner, in that last minute dress and a book to her face."

"What changed this time?"

"My arranged marriage."

I push by him quickly. He turns as I glide into the opening in front of Tom. I hold out the red wine to him. I know Rafael is still watching me. He's charming. Narcissa and Bella come over as I go to sit next to Tom. I stop, halfway down and look at them. I stand again and engage in conversation with them. It quickly stops as a song they like comes on.

I'm dragged to the dance floor by Narcissa. I laugh and smile as we dance. Their actually good friends now.


	31. Chapter 31

I laugh lightly as we come back to Tom a long while later. We all have new glasses of wine. I flash Tom a smile before turning back to the conversation with Bella and Narcissa.

"So have you decided yet?" Narcissa asks as we stand near Tom.

"As best I can," I admit before sipping my wine. "I've decided on making you my maid of honour and Bella as my only bride's maid."

Narcissa smiles happily. She quickly hugs me tightly. She pulls away after a second.

"What of the dresses?" Bella asks while Narcissa pulls away.

"I was thinking black A line dresses. I'll have on a slimmer dress, height issue. Not too wide though," I reply while looking over the people.

My eyes slow and come to a stop on one person. Severus stood there. He's glancing at me. I sip my wine and turn my eyes back to the women, keeping Severus in my peripheral vision. He lifts his drink at the same time I do, his eyes on me from the corner of his eyes. He turns away, heading for the entrance, like he is going for the bathroom.

"Pardon me, I need to check my make up," I say while passing my empty glass to Narcissa.

"We'll be here," she says while I head for the crowd.

I make my way through the crowd, spotting Rafael watching me. I ignore him. He's nothing special to me. I break through the crowd and go out to the open entrance. The black cloth of Severus' robes is all I see, disappearing out the front door. I lift the front of my dress and hurry after him.

I pull the train of my dress up, leaving the front alone as I stand on the porch. The door is silent behind me. The light from the door is gone and the lights from the torches along the drive are the only lights besides the slim moon and shining stars.

Movement across my yard catches my eye. I quickly lift my dress and jog as fast as the heels and dress would allow. Severus stands by the forest, far from sight of the ballroom or any rooms besides those by my bedroom. I stop, breathing a little heavy, with room between us. At least eight feet stands between us. I keep one hand holding the side of my dress up. Severus keeps his back to me. I stay where I am, cautious. One hand resting on my hidden wand, ready to be used.

Severus turns slowly. I watch his every move. He catches sight of my wary way. He looks saddened by it.

"I wanted to speak privately," he says while facing me fully.

"Speak then," I drawl in a commanding way.

"I'm sorry, Ethriana," he says, sadness clear in his voice. He steps for me. He wanted to sooth me.

I shift sharply, turned and wand out. My dueling position. I looked at him with my head turned, left side facing him. He stops quickly. Hurt flashes in his eyes.

"Ethriana, I-" he starts. My sharp drawl cuts him off.

"You've ignored me, Snape. Hissed, spat and sputtered, even snapped. What kind of person do you take me for? I will not go near the dog that went to bite the hand that fed it."

"I'm worried for you!" he hisses. "I-I love you, Ethriana."

I do not change my cold look.

"I've told you not to love me, Severus," I hiss angry. "I've told you that it would never work out. I can't love you. _You_ can't love me. It's not safe."

"He'll never know, Ethriana," Severus says in an almost pleading voice. He closes his eyes and turns his back to me.

I felt something. Hurt. I slip my wand away and the front of my dress. The fabric of my dress moving is the only sound. I stop a little behind him and to his left. He's looking at the woods. I reach out slowly. He doesn't pull away as my hand rests on his arm with the hand to his face. He won't look at me, still hiding his eyes under his hand. I step closer and lean against his back lightly. I set the side of my face against his arm, my eyes closed too.

"I never wanted you to get hurt, Severus," I whisper in a soft tone I hardly ever used, it had too much emotion. "You're my closest and oldest friend."

"How can I not be hurt? He beats you, rapes you and is forcing you to do things you never wanted to do," he says in a soft voice, sad. "Now you're marrying him and I'm stuck as his second best servant after you and Lucius."

My eyes close and I let out a soft sigh. I pull from my pathetic hug and stand before him. My hands rest on his arms as I look up at his hidden face.

"Please trust me, Severus. I want you there at my wedding. I want you to walk me down the aisle and give me away. I want you to dance with me for the father daughter dance. I can't have this wedding if-if I don't have my most trusted friend there. It will kill me inside if you don't, Severus." It's my turn for the light pleading.

His hands lower slowly. My hands rest on his shoulder as I look back up at him. He smiles sadly as his hands rest on my arms. He nods.

"How can I not be there for you?"

I smile as well and touch his face. "Thank you," I say before pulling back and lifting my dress, readying to go back to the party.

"I've something else."

I turn back to him. He turns to look at me slowly. He holds out my compact. I frown lightly while stepping closer to him. I take the black compact slowly.

"How did you get it?" I ask while looking up at him from the compact.

"You left it in Dumbledore's office."

I look at him, eyes a little widened.

"What do you know?" I ask, voice barely a whisper.

"Lily sent it to me at my home. She knew I would be able to get it to you. She said that all you have to do is say the password for his office."

I look down at the compact. The once so innocent thing that had been away to contact Tom when needed seemed so heavy in my hand, more important. My hand closes around the compact.

"What are you doing, Ethriana?" he asks softly.

"What do you mean, Severus?"

I look up at him searching his face with light confusion. He was searching mine with sadness, hurt.

"You're research. What is it you are doing for him?"

"What I must," I say with a set voice, determination in the tone. My voice sounds less set now and lightly saddened. "There's so much to do and so little time. I must do what I've started. If I do not finish…" I look up at Severus, tears in my eyes but not falling. I reach out and cup his face. "You must finish it. I'll get what I can. You'll have to be the one to finish it."

"What are you talking about?" he demands, despite now, his hands gripping my upper arms as light panic hits him. "What have you seen, Ethriana?"

"I've told you so many times not to fall for me, Severus," I whisper. "I've got everything set so far. I just need to start things in motion."

"You're planning something," he says, eyes widening.

"I've always planned, Severus," I say with a warm smile.

I remove his hands from my arms carefully. His arms fall like lead weights. I turn with my skirt in hand and leave him.

"Ethriana!" he calls after me.

I do not stop. I disapparate in the middle of the clearing during mid step.


	32. Chapter 32

I apparate into an alley in London. I need to speak with Dumbledore now. I look around. Merlin! It's cold! I lift the back of my train in one hand and the front of the dress in the other. The dress kept my legs and lower body warm, but my arms and chest were freezing. Bloody Christmas Night. Why am I doing this?

I walk as fast as I can across the street. This is not good. There isn't anyone on the streets. I keep to the lighted areas. I stop on a corner. The road should be busy. Something's off.

I whirl around without warning. I hunch in on my self. Black forms circle me. I hold the dress to myself tighter. Death Eaters. I keep turning, scared. I really am scared. How did they know? I have my hand with the wand hidden under the mass of skirt in my hands.

I glare at each one as I turn. Searching the eyes. The fear is hidden. They won't know. I push forwards suddenly as my eyes stop on one of the black robed people with the metal masks.

I drop the skirt in my right hand and reach out, ripping the mask from the person. Lucius looks at me calmly. I turn to the person to his right and rip it off. Not the person I want. I keep going, ripping masks from the men. I'm halfway through the large circle when I stop at one with my hand in the air ready to take the mask.

I snatch the mask and throw it to the ground. I glare into their eyes. Tom. I'm clearly pissed. He looks down at me calmly.

"Where do you think you were going?" he asks, stepping out of the circle.

I move back to the center to stand tall, frowning at him. He stops not far into the circle. I keep the wand hidden in the folds of the skirt.

"Answer me, Ethriana."

"Why should I explain myself? I'm a grown woman. I can visit my old orphanage on Christmas Night if I wish," I snap in a growl. I had been headed there. That is where I knew Dumbledore would be at the moment, if not he would be there soon.

"Do not lie to me, Ethriana," he purrs in his cold voice, twirling his wand in his hands.

"Lie?" I hiss out, dropping the skirt and letting them all see the wand in my hand. Both hands are free now. "It's Christmas Night! I've visited the orphanage every Christmas Night for the last six years! I'm not changing anything yet."

He steps forwards. I shift quickly into my dueling position, both hands at the ready. He stops to smirk at me.

"Kill them."

"What?" I ask, my glare dropping to shock.

"Kill the muggles at the orphanage."

"No."

"Do it."

"I will not kill another child!"

"It is a muggle," he sneers at me.

"How can you say that of a child?" I close my eyes and bite back the rest of that comment. He knew I had more to say. He frowned when I didn't say it. I look at him with my blank mask in place.

"Kill the muggles."

I turn, twirling out of my dueling position and push through the Death Eaters. They quickly put their masks back on. I march for the orphanage. I do not stop at it. I disapparate.

Tom apparates into the entrance seconds after me. I look up at him smugly. My head whips to the side without warning. I don't care. I look up at his smiling smugly. Let him be mad. I wouldn't kill children.

He pulled me to the bedroom and beat me. I was raped again. I didn't smile at him then.


	33. Chapter 33

The woman in the mirror looked sadly back at the person she reflected. She looked like a goddess. Her thin, petite form drawn out to look taller besides the tall silver heels on her feet. The Empire Waist, bodice detail and vertical lines of silver beading of the dress elongated her short form. Long pure white gloves went over her elbows. Her crimson red hair was curled and piled on her head in the elegant, old fashioned way most bride's wore their hair on their wedding day. A white gold tiara held the veil to her head. The veil was currently not over her perfectly made up face.

She looked lovely. She should be happy. Why am I not? I look at my sad eyes. I didn't want to do this. Narcissa, freshly married a few days before, fussed over my gown and hair. I bat her hands away as a knock comes to my door. Bella stands in the black gown that she and Narcissa had agreed up.

"Who is it?" Narcissa calls happily, she's got this sing-song voice going, like she did when she married.

"Are you done in there yet?" Lucius demands.

Lucius is the best man. I turn from the mirror as the door opens. Lucius steps in wearing the black and white dress robes. He looks good. He had his long blond hair pulled back in a black silk ribbon. He stops as he sees me. He's speechless.

"And down with the veil," Narcissa chirps while covering my face with the veil.

"Narcissa," Bella speaks up. "Relax. Can't you see she's an emotional wreck?"

Narcissa steps back to look at me. She catches the look in my eyes. Her smile drops and she steps forward quickly to pull me into a hug. I step back, out of her reach, looking out the window at the lake.

"Ethriana, I'm sorry you have to do this," she says while trying to comfort me. "You're so young to marry, and he's years older, but…Your parents wished it and he wishes it. You'll be happy once you get used to it."

I whirl on her. My eyes are cold as I glare at her. She had found me this morning, after Tom left me. I was sobbing and hurting from the abuse.

"You of all people know I will not get used to it," I hiss. "If I didn't have people who I cared for I would rip him into shreds and end my own life, Narcissa. But as it is I have too many people who care for me and I couldn't do that to them."

"He'll keep you safe," she says while touching my arm.

"Safe?! He raped me last night! How safe can I get? I would have been better off a mudblood."

"Don't say that," she says sadly.

I snap my remarks away and take a calming breath. "I'll just have to make the most of it," I say in a soft voice while opening my eyes to look at her. "Let us get this over with."

She smiles and I leave the room. They walk quickly after me. Severus is at the doors to the start of the red carpet that led out to the lake where the wedding would be.

The music started. Bella and Lestrange went out first. I took the white and silver lily bouquet from Severus. Narcissa kisses Lucius before they head out. I look into Severus' eyes before we too step out. All heads are turned to us. I keep my back straight and head level. My eyes do not look at Tom. They look out at the lake.

Tom's eyes are on me. I stop at the end of the carpet. I turn and look at Severus. I flash him a sad smile that only he saw. He lifts the veil a little. I lean in and kiss his cheek.

"Thank you, Severus," I whisper in his ear before fixing my veil and turning.

My feet felt heavy as I stepped up to the priest. I had insisted on a Christian wedding. Tom had complained and called it a muggle wedding. I responded that he could not marry me then. I won.

I look up at the priest as I turn to face Tom. Tom looked as good as he always did. For some reason he looked better in the robes he wore today. He takes my tiny gloved hands in his as we both look into each others' eyes and the priest starts.

"We are gathered here in the sight of God and these witnesses to unite Ethriana Isadola Lothmeirr and Tom Marvolo Riddle Junior in holy matrimony. Ethriana Isadola Lothmeirr and Tom Marvolo Riddle Junior, as you prepare to take these vows, give careful thought and prayer, for as you make them you are making an exclusive commitment one to the other for as long as you both shall live. Your love for each other should never be diminished by difficult circumstances, and it is to endure until death parts you. As God's children, your marriage is strengthened by your obedience to your Heavenly Father and His Word. As you let God be in control of your marriage, He will cause your home to be a place of joy and a testimony to the world."  
How false that is. The muggle god had no hold over this. Tom was probly sneering inside now. I keep my eyes on Tom's though.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle Junior, will you have Ethriana Isadola Lothmeirr to be your wife to live together as friend and mate? Will you love her as a person, respect her as an equal, sharing joy as well as sorrow, triumph as well as defeat. And keep her beside you as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Tom says in his normal drawl. I can tell he hates hearing his name repeated so much.

The priest turns to look at me.

"And do you, Ethriana Isadola Lothmeirr, will you have Tom Marvolo Riddle Junior to be your husband, to live together as friend and mate? Will you love him as a person, respect him as an equal, sharing joy as well as sorrow, triumph as well as defeat. And keep him beside you as long as you both shall live?"

I do not respond automatically. I gaze into his eyes for a moment. This is it.

"I do," I say after my pause with a soft voice Tom had never heard before, besides when I was talking to Avery after taking his powers.

His eyes jolt to mine again, not just starring at me dully. They search my eyes trying to read my emotion.

"I charge you both, as you stand in God's presence, to remember that love and loyalty alone will serve as the foundations of a happy and enduring home. If the solemn vows which you are about to make are kept permanently, and if you steadfastly seek to do the will of your Heavenly Father, your life will be full of peace and joy, and the home which you are establishing will abide through every change."

I did something unexpected then. I took the simple white gold band from Narcissa. I turn and look at Tom, eyes daring.

"In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, take and wear this ring as sign of my love and _faithfulness,"_ I say while slipping the ring on his finger.

Tom stars at me for a moment. He takes the ring from Lucius without turning. He stares right into my eyes as he silently slips the ring on my finger. The white gold band had a ruby in the middle with small emeralds circling it.

"I now pronounce Mr. and Mrs. Tom Marvolo Riddle," the priest says louder than he had everything else. "You may now kiss the bride."

Tom lifts the veil from me and stops to look over my face. He smirks before leaning in and kissing me. I do not kiss back. He pulls back after a minute while everyone else cheers. I look up at him as the priest steps around us to speak to the crying and cheering crowd of pure bloods and people Tom wanted to come, his Death Eaters.

"There is a reception in the ballroom," the priest says as Tom and I walk hand in hand down the red carpet.

Severus follows, then the Maid of Honour and the Best Man, and finally Bella and Lestrange in the end. The priest is going to leave. The guests follow behind us.

We split. We head back around to the flowered arch. The photographer is there. The guests will have their cocktails. I stand under the white flowered arch with Tom, bouquet in hand. The camera flashes. I take a picture with just my bride's maid and Maid of Honour. Tom won't take one with the men. I fight for a picture of Severus and myself.

We head in then. All eyes are on Tom and me as have a grand entrance. I hold my blush back as we go in. Tom stops us on the dance floor. The waltz starts. We go right into it. It ends not long after.

Tom and I go to the head table and take our seats in the middle. The head table is set up against the far wall. Tables go around the dance floor. Severus is to my left. Narcissa and Lucius sit on Tom's side. Bella and Lestrange sit on my side on the other side of Severus.

"A toast to the happy couple," Lucius says with a smirk. Every drinks.

"Thank you," I say with a practiced smile, the one I used when I met Sirius and everyone.

Severus stands with his champagne glass raised.  
"I'd like to make a toast to the bride," he says while looking at me. Tom stands calmly. He knows how it works, Narcissa had clearly versed him in this. "I may not be her father, but I was requested to stand in. Ethriana, you are my closest and oldest friend. Without your help through out Hogwarts I wouldn't be the person I am today. May she help and make the marriage as happy as one can wish. To the bride."

He lifts his glass and they all take a drink besides me. I smile at him.

"Thank you, Severus," I say while leaning over to him. "But I could have done with a simple toast." He had hinted, in a way, with his toast that the wedding wouldn't be happy.

Tom sits. Waiters come out then. Trays full of dishes. Tom and me are served first. We eat while the band plays soft music. I eat slowly, savoring the meal. I stand before he is finished and go out to the guests. I stop at the first table and greet them with a smile.

"Thank you for coming," is what I say to each table before having casual talk before excusing myself and going to the next table.

"Would the bride and Mr. Snape please come to the dance floor?" the singer for the band asks.

I look up from the last table and spot Severus on the dance floor. The band all gets ready. I get ready to dance with Severus. The first notes come out. Piano. Unforgetable. I look at him with wide eyes. The band hums in time.

"Some times in our lives we all have pain," they sing.

I smile as tears reach my eyes. He smiles down at me. I set my head on his chest as he dances us.

"Who chose this song?" I ask softly so only he could hear me.

"I did."

I smile and rest my head on his shoulder again as tears silently run from my eyes. The beat picks up and I smile widely as we dance. I laugh as Severus and I mouth the words to each other. I can see Tom watching us as I dance with Severus happily.

I pull back and smile at him again before turning around. I'm stopped as the band starts up another song. Severus smirks at me.

"I got a wizarding band that focuses on muggle music."

I smile as everyone takes to the dance floor. Turns out it was all music from the 70s. I don't go back to Tom. I dance. I danced with any body who wanted to dance with me. I don't know how long I danced. I know I danced with almost everybody.

I held the boy in my arms and smiled as we danced to the song.

"Time for the cake," the singer says.

I smile at the cute boy on my hip. He smiles back.

"You want some cake?" I ask while going over to the cake that was in the middle of the dance floor with Tom by it.

"I wove cake," the little boy says happily.

"Who's child is that?" Tom sneers as I come over with the kid.

I look at the child with a purely happy face. I love kids.

"Alex Avery's, from before I took his magic," I say while moving the hair from the boy's face. "Isn't he cute? He's such a great dancer too."

The boy laughs as I tickle his side. The mother comes over with an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry. He's not a shy one," she laughs nervously while taking the boy from me.

"No problem," I say while leaning in to kiss the boy's cheek. "He's the cutest little thing."

She smiles proudly at her boy. She rushes off after Tom sneers at them. I snatch the silver cake cutter without warning and hold it at the ready. I wanted to get it over with. Tom placed his hand on mine and we cut the first piece of the cake. I cut it in half and we both take a piece.

We turn to each other, cake in hand. He puts the cake in my mouth carefully. I smile brightly and smash the cake on his face. It clearly angered him, but the light hearted laughter from the crowd lightens him a bit. I do it better. I take the icing on my finger and put it on the tip of my nose.

"Come on, Tom. Have some fun with this. I'm trying to," I say while a waiter came over to cut the cake and put it out for those who want it. "At least let the people think we'll be a happy couple."

"Who says we wont be?" he demands in a stuck up manner.

"I do." He frowns at me. I smile back at him and take his arm. "Dance with me. I know you can act."

He dances none the less. A while later the music stops and all heads turn to the stage. Narcissa stands on stage.

"Come up here, Mr. and Mrs. Riddle," she says into the microphone as a chair is set on stage.

I blush as we go up to the stage. Tom lifts me up. Narcissa puts my back to the crowd and passes me a replica of my bouquet. She waits for the women to get ready behind me before giving me the okay to throw it. I did. Hard. It went to the back of the mass of women. They had expected me to only throw hard enough to get it a few feet.

"Now for the garter," Narcissa says softly in my ear, leading me to the chair.

I fall heavily into the chair. Tom kneels before me. My face reddens with embarrassment as he reaches up my dress. I grip the chair so I don't hit him. I would normally kill somebody for even think about doing that. Tom kept his eyes on me, smirking. His cold fingers brushed my leg as he easily got the garter and slid it down my thin leg.

He throws it without ceremony. Narcissa pats my shoulder as I stand and frown at Tom. The band comes back to their positions.

"Alright, time for one last dance from the happy couple and then they'll depart for the night."

Tom lifts me from the stage and I barely have time to put my feet down before he pulled me close. The salsa music came on and I quickly set the pace. He kept up as we danced sexually to the salsa, as one should. My hips were swaying and his eyes couldn't figure out if they wanted to watch my slim hips as we move around the floor briskly, my chest, or my face. His eyes kept switching between them. He never watched our feet as most men would.

I step away from him and do some fancy foot work and sexy moves before him. He quickly comes forwards and starts us into dancing in time together and using the whole of the dance floor. I swirl out and back as the end of the song comes. He swings me backwards and I hang on his arm as the last note rings through the room.

We both sit up, breathing a little heavy. Our eyes on each other. I turn away first. My real bouquet is pushed into my hands with a glass of wine. I down the wine as Narcissa slips the tiara with the veil back into my hair.

I'm swung up as soon as Narcissa takes the glass from me. I squeak and put my arms around Tom's neck without thought. He strides from the room to cheers from the guests. Up the stairs he goes. We reach my room and I know there was something in the wine. I'm 'turned on'.

Tom lays me on the bed. I throw the bouquet away and pull the tiara from my hair. He pulls his robes off and throws them away while watching me. I'm feeling like I drank too much. I giggle as I fall to the side a bit while trying to pull my heels off. He's undressing quicker than I am. I try to reach the buttons on the back of the dress. I can't.

Tom undoes them with ease. I turn as the dress slips to the floor. He's shirtless and in only his pants. I frown. I'm in that lacy, corset that had hooks and eyes up the back, a lacy garter belt, thigh highs and panties. Yes, Narcissa bought it for me and forced me to wear it. I don't take the gloves off.

Tom's looking me over hungrily. I just look at his face, letting him get his eye full. He reaches behind me and pulls the pins from my hair. The ringlets tumble down as he pulls back. He smirks as he looks me over.


	34. Chapter 34

My eyes flutter open lazily as I wake the next morning. I don't hurt. I sigh as I relax in his arms. He shifts a bit, turning his back to me. I look down at myself. Surprise catches me. I'm in the corset, garter belt, and thigh highs still. The gloves are on too. I spot my dress on the floor.

My eye twitches. I get up quickly and gather my dress after pulling on my panties. Tom stirs while I go around the room gathering and folding his clothes. I have issues. I place them on the end table while he lazily watches me. I crouch and pick up all of the pins he had dropped on the floor. They were all silver, had been my adoptive mother's. I take them to the jewelry case.

I started taking my jewelry off and putting it away. I stop and look at the ring, still not aware of Tom being awake. I slip it off and look at it on the vanity while pulling the gloves off. The folded gloves are set on the desk, and the ring is left there.

"Not putting it back on?" Tom asks in a voice thick with sleep.

I jump a little, with my hands behind my back, unfastening the hooks and eyes of the corset. I look at him while I stand in the door way to the bathroom.

"No. I'm not going to wear it in the shower," I reply calmly.

I turn while throwing the corset over my shoulder, into the laundry bin. I start the shower and slip out of the rest of my clothes. I'm swept off my feet before I can step into the shower. A light startled cry escaped me as he rushed us into the shower. I giggle as his intention is clear. I couldn't lie. I wanted it too.

I sigh as I stand in my school uniform without the robe. Tom stands behind me, watching me. He's getting dressed. These last few days hadn't been bad. It had been good. Well, we've mostly just 'did the deed' most of the time. We spent time together, quiet, talking over nothing and anything. No work for either of us. This was our honeymoon.

But now I have to go back to school. I smile at him as I fix my tie and look at my reflection. I've replaced the knee highs with thigh highs. My crimson hair hangs down, bangs swept behind my ears. The sweater and blouse fit me perfectly, showing off my figure. The skirt hadn't changed. I wore slight heels.

"You're packed?" he asks after finishing the buttons to his vest.

I turn and do his cravat for him. I look over how the shirts show off his slim figure and perfect shoulders. Alright, Tom's drop dead sexy. I know. That's why I had a crush on him in the first place. Tom smirks as he looks down at me.

"We still have time for another go," he says while putting his hands on my hips and pressing our fronts together.

"No, Tom. I don't have time. I have to go now."

I pull away and grab my bag with my things for the train. Tom follows me to the balcony. I smile at him before he takes my arm and disapparates.

The platform is not as crowded now as we apparate to it. My elf had put my things on the train already. Tom pulls me into a kiss. I kiss back before pulling away and jogging to the train. Severus is in a compartment, waiting for me. I slip in and Tom catches sight of me at the window. He disapparates as the train starts to roll away slowly.

"You're late," Severus says while reading a book.

"Blame Tom. I was ready to go an hour ago. He didn't allow it."

I put my back to the wall by the window and lay my feet across my seat. I pull out my own text book and start working in it.

"How is it?"

I look up, startled. It had been a while since either of us had spoken.

"How is what?" I ask while going back to my notes in the book.

"The marriage."

"Fine for now. Just intercourse for now."

"Do you like him?"

"For now. He's been nothing but nice to me since we married. But I know it will change now that our honeymoon is over."

He nods as he takes his own notes. I go back to my notes too, focusing more, going back into my own world. Not for long.

The door slides open. I don't look up. I'm still lost in my own world. Severus looks up though. My feet are pushed from the seat. I look up as the person sits in the seat my feet had cleared. Lily. She pulls the curtain down over the window on the door and locks it. I watch as she pulls out her own book.

I regard her as she tries to get into the book. It won't work. I just watch her, waiting for her outburst of some sort. She snaps the book shut and turns to me in a huff. Her face is red.

"Why are men such pigs?" she demands to me.

She didn't expect an answer.

"Because they are men and somebody has to be a pig."

"Right," she says with a wild hand gesture. "Why did I ever date James Potter?"

"Because he loves you. You love him. He makes you happy. He'll do anything for you. You won't beat his face in with your book."

She nods angrily at her lap.

"If he loves me so much why did I find him with Olivia Armstead?"

"Was Sirius there?"

"Yes."

"Sirius was trying to get into Olivia's pants. James was just there to keep an eye on him."

She deflates. I have had my book in front of my face since I started talking to her. She turns to look at me.

"You have make up on."

"Random observation, Lily."

"I know it is, but you're wearing make up."

I close my book and look at her.

"Of course I am. The bloody eye make up won't come off. It's been on since I got married. Turns out Narcissa used a spell so it's permanent. No reversal."

"How was the wedding?"

"Severus got a band that played muggle music. I smeared cake on my new husband. I danced with little kids."

"Then did it like bunnies," Severus quips from behind his book, casually drawn out.

"Shut up, Severus. It wasn't like that."

"Every chance you could."

"I'm a bloody hormonal teen. Tom's very attractive, he was being oddly nice, and he's damned good," I defend with a deep blush.

Lily giggles.

"Oh shut it, Lily."

"You're crush is back then."

"Only while he's being nice again."

"He was nice because he knew it was the easiest way to your bed," Severus chirps up.

I flick my wrist at him. At flock of conjured canaries attack his head. He cries out, dropping his book and tries to swat them away. I return to my book like he wasn't being attacked and that it wasn't my fault. Lily stops the spell.

"You're just mad that I'm getting certain needs fulfilled," I chirp to Severus with my book still hiding my face.

"I'm mad because you were supposed to help me study Potions and Herbology."

"Hey, that was all Tom," I chirp while lowering my book. "I had my books and everything ready to go when he took me out to Paris."

"You went to Paris?" Lily asks while looking at me.

"Yes."

I dig in my bag then, remembering something. I come back with a wrapped package. She takes it happily. She rips the paper off and stares at the object. A book on advanced defensive spells.

"I thought it would help you along a bit faster in D.A.D.A. maybe even give you the advantage over James in the class," I say with a smile.

She smiles as she opens it. The pages turn as she skims it. "You put hints and notes in it," she says while stopping to look one over.

"I told you it was to help you along faster. So when I can't help you study, you can look over the notes and tidbits I put in it."

"Thank you," she says happily while closing it proudly. "I have to get back to my compartment. I'll see you later."

She rushes out eager to read the book. Neither Severus nor I lock the door. I open my book.


	35. Chapter 35

For the next few months nothing was happening. I went to classes. Studied. My work continued. Severus was silent when with me. We hardly talked. I hardly spoke. Only muttering thoughts to myself or simple single word sentences. I haven't seen Sirius, just in the halls, classes or during meal times. He was acting angry towards me. Ignoring me.

I stop in the hall on the sixth floor. Eyes wide. I had been looking back at things. Severus, who had been walking with me, stops and looks back at me. I look up at his eyes. Fear was in mine. His eyes widen a bit. He knew something was wrong. I whirl around and walk briskly to the Hospital Wing. The doors bang open as I rush in. Severus is at my heels.

I drop my bag. Poppy looks up from her patient at the loud noise. I dig through the supplies desperately. My urgent fear is clear as I throw things from the shelves looking for it.

"Ethriana?" Poppy asks as she sets a hand on my shoulder.

I shake her off and find what I want. I put my head against the terrorized shelves and hold it. The charm sits in my hands. Poppy is silent. She wouldn't dare say anything. I'm trembling as I stare at it, hoping.

I bite my lip as the color starts to change. A strangled sob escapes me as I fall to the floor in a limp mess. Crying. My eyes stay on the pink charm. Poppy's hand is to her lips.

"Dear Merlin," she whispers.

She quickly takes the charm from me. Throwing it away from my sight. She goes to help me up, motherly. I let out a shuttering sob before pushing her away. I bolt from the room. Running blindly. Tears clouding my sight.

"ETHRIANA!" Poppy yells after me.

No. NO. NO! I stumble as I push through people on my way some where. I don't know where I was headed. People stop to look as I push by. How often do they see somebody break down like this? I stumble out into the sun lit grounds. I'm heading for the lake. My tree. My safe place.

My feet fall from under me. I didn't make it to the tree. I fall to my knees. Sobbing. I can feel my heart breaking. Something I have never felt. It hurt so much.

A gentle hand touches my shoulder. I glance up from my hands. Dumbledore is kneeling on the ground before me. A sad look in his eyes. I jolt forwards. Grabbing his robes and burring my face in his chest. He holds me to him, comforting me. Things would never be the same. Never.

I sat at the breakfast table the next day. Numb. I just stared at the plate before me. I knew people were glancing at me and whispering. I knew July was talking. I heard nothing she said.

A warm hand touches my back. I glance up at the person slowly. Regulus. He smiles sadly at me. He didn't know what was wrong. But… He was here. He was my friend. He sits next to me. I lean into him. I needed the comfort. I knew I could trust him.

"I'm sorry to be the barer of bad news," he whispers.

I do not move. "He wants to talk to you."

My eyes squeeze shut. Regulus gives me a reassuring half hug before getting up. I stand as well. I have to talk to him. He can't know. Regulus goes back to his table. I leave the Great Hall and go to my first class of the day. It was thankfully empty.

I fall into the seat, composing myself. I had visited with him on most of the Hogsmeade visits. Weekly check ups with him through our mirrors.

"Ethriana," he drawls as he sees me.

"Tom," I say in a blank drawl, back to my emotionless voice. "You asked for me?"

"I'm sorry to inform you, I won't be there for your graduation."

I bite back my first thoughts. It was next week.

"I'll be fine, Tom," I lie smoothly, smiling for him.

Don't let him know that it upsets you. "Good. I'll see you afterwards?"

"I'll be home when the rest of the students go," I say.

He frowns. "Why?"

"I've got a few things yet to do. Say my good byes."

"Alright then. I'll get you from the train station."

"Alright."

I close the compact. I put a hand to my mouth as I start to cry again. It hurt. Not physically. Hingleton steps out of his office and glances at me. He says nothing though.

"Riana?" a soft voice asks from next to me.

I turn my head to look. Lily. She looks worried. I clear the tears away fast.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"Everything," I whisper.

She hugs me to her. I don't resist. I silently let her hold me.


	36. Chapter 36

I close my eyes as I sit with Lily out by my tree. Both of us stared out at the Lake.  
"I've always loved this Lake," I say softly, breaking the silence.

"I've never thought much of it until this year," Lily admits.

"Oi! What's got you two up in knots?!" a male calls with his group.

Lily turns to look at them. I remain staring at the Lake. The Potter Four sit by us. Remus is the only one to sit by me. Lily glances at me. She wasn't sure how I would react to the group.

"It's our last week. Why are you two so down?" Potter asks as he glances from Sirius to me.

"Nothing." Lily was unsure of what to say and she disliked lying to James Potter.

"Taking in the peace before we have to go out into the real world," I lie smoothly.

I rise smoothly, my black sun dress dancing about my knees. The seventh years had no reason to wear their uniforms now. We were here to wait out our graduation.

Lily grabs my hand fast. The look in her eyes showed her worry. I send her a weak smile. Sirius was watching us, frowning at my smile and the worry in Lily's eyes.

"I'm fine, Lily. I have work to do," I say softly. "Nothing to worry about."

She relaxes into Potter. She sends me a smile. "Don't work yourself a s hard this time."

I become serious. "Lily, I have limited time. If it is a risk to myself or not finishing it..."

"Riana," she says quickly. "You have more than your-"

"Do not worry," I snap. "I'm well aware of who it affects."

I turn and go toward the castle. Dumbledore isn't there when I get there. I lift the special quill and begin. This was only one of many things I was doing.

I sat in the lawn on surrounded by Slytherins. The lounged about me as I sat working. I was the only one working and not relaxing. My quill scribbled away in the text book. Sirius stood with a group a small distance away. I could see him glancing at me frequently.

"Ethriana," Severus says, breaking my focus on my work.

My eyes lift as all of the Slytherins fall silent. Severus stands with Poppy. She looks nervous from the look in my eyes. She flinches as my eyes land on her.

"Ethriana," she gasps as she pushes through the students to me. They watch her lazily as she rushes to me.

"Is there something wrong?" She flinches at my voice. It was cold, dead, ethereal.  
I stand smoothly. She takes hold of my elbow. Severus snatches my things from the boy reaching for them. I husseled to the school. I'm frowning as I try to fight Poppy's hold. The halls were empty. All seventh years were outside and the other students in classes.

I'm pushed into the Hospital Wing easily. Severus shuts the door behind us. I fall onto a bed as Poppy finally lets go. She bends to get close to my eyes and look into them.

"You need to shield from them when you aren't working, Ethriana," Poppy says sternly. "You've been pushing yourself too far."

"They come as they please, Poppy."

"If not for us, Ethriana, then for your work."

I look at her. She was so worried for me. My eyes close as I focus. When I open my eyes she scrutinizes them. She sits back releived. Severus stood by.

"Can I go now?"

"No."

I look up at the door opening. Dumbledore comes in. He smiles at me as he sees me. I frown as I see Severus leave, setting my things on the table away from me.

"What is it now, Albus?" I demand with a light glare as I stand in challenge."What more do you want? My soul? My mind? My promise of my first born? My _death?_"

"Relax, Mrs. Riddle. I only wish to help."

I let a sarcastic laugh out. "Help? Not me of course."  
"Lily has been worried."

"She has nothing to worry over. I'm doing everything in my powers to fix things for her."

"She's worried for you."

My mouth snapped shut. I look away. I couldn'y meet his eyes now.

"I've told you, Albus," I say, my voice is soft and sad, pained. "If it is my life or their's, I would give mine hundreds of times in the most painful of ways."

He says nothing as I close my eyes. "I'll do anything. **Anything**."

"You know I could help," he says softly.

My eyes open as I look at him. Tears reach my eyes but never fall. "No."

"Come on, Ethriana."

Lily smiles as she pulls me into her compartment. This is the last time we shall be so free together. The last time we could smile happily at each other. I'm pulled into the dark room.  
I giggle as Lily and I hold tight to each other. We're pulled apart playfully. Girlish squeals escape us as we fall into our captors' arms.

I turn in mine's graps to see their face as the lights flick on. Remus smiles down at me as I look up at him with a smile. I kiss his cheek and stand.

Lily and James kiss deeply as They take their moment. Peter and Sirius weren't in here. Sirius wouldn't talk to me. Peter followed him and gave me sad looks when he had to rush off after the angry Black.

I look out the window sadly as I sit. I never wanted this to end.

"He'll forgive you, Riana," James says suddenly in a soft voice.

"I hope so, James. I just hope when he does, that it's not too late, that he will forgive me of things I've yet to do," I whisper while sadly lOoking at the scenery.

I stand. Lily looks sad as they all look at me.

"Just a little longer?" Lily pleads as she looks up at me with teary eyes.

Everyone looked sad. I have to be strong, we all do.

"I can't, Lily."

James looks sadly at me. "We'll never forget, Riana. No matter what must be done, you'll still be our friend."

"No. Remember me," I say sternly, my voice hardening, becoming strong and cold as it should. "Forgive me if you must, but you will have to hate me. The next time you see me... I shall be your enemy."

I open the door and leave them behind.


	37. Chapter 37

I look down at the papers before me with all emotions gone. Just as I have been sense the day I got off the train months before.  
A hand brushes my long red hair over my shoulder to expose my neck. I ignore it as I read over the report. A mouth gently kisses my neck, the person leaning on me.  
"Stop, Tom," I drawl in my cold monotone. "I'm working."

"You're always working," he drawls into my neck before biting into it.

"Tom," I snap before pushing him off. "I would like to know this information before I go off to risk my life. I want no surprises."

Tom frowns as he looks down at me.

"You've avoided my bed for the last month, Ethriana."

"I've not avoided it, Tom. I sleep in it almost every night, and in the day on the other times."

I frown at the papers as I stand and walk toward the window while still reading. Tom watches me move.

"I meant sex, Ethriana."

I turn to face him, eyes still on the papers.

"I've been to tired. Besides, I've been cramping like all Hell since I got that flu last month."

"You're avoiding my bed."

I let out an exasperated sigh as I look at him finally. He's angry.

"Unlike you, Tom, I'm not turned on all the time. I'm always too busy. Besides, I do not wish to become pregnant at the time. We need me out there working and a simple spell could kill the baby. I don't want to risk it."

"We can have a charm made to ward off pregnancy, Ethriana."

"Tom," I sigh exasperatedly rubbing my eyes. "I'm sore all over right now, I have to be off in moments and I'm too occupied with other thoughts right now. I'm doing the best I can, believe me. I want you too but now's just not the time."

"It can wait."

"No," I say, locking my cold eyes with his. "It can't. I've been waiting months for this. I'm not going to miss my chance."

"Mistress."

I look around Tom to see Lucius poking his head in. His robes are on and the hood up. I smack the papers down on the desk and go around Tom. Tom watches as I grab my robe on the way to the door. I stop to look at him while pulling the robe over my low cut dress.

"We can try for tomorrow, Tom."

"Why not tonight?"

"It's late now, Tom. By time I finish this mission I'll be too tired. I'm talking of in the morning."

I coil my hair with the flick of my hand. He watches as I clasp the robe and check for my wand. Lucius, Severus, Bellatrix, and two other robed Death Eaters come in, all masked. They circle around me, grabbing onto my arms or shoulders. I disapparate us all.

I slip my mask on as they all step back. This will be the first time I will openly attack the Order. All eyes are on me.

"I want everyone to hide. Bring me the Muggle."

Lucius and Bella raid the house. The place is out in the country, but this 'Muggle' is a squib. They bring him to quickly. This whole thing was timed. One of the men I didn't know took the squib's witch of a wife back to my mansion.

The others hide as I frce the man to his knees with a swifT kick to the back of his knees. He faces away, scared to death as I hold my left hand at my side, ready. My wand is pressed to his neck from behind.

The smoke of swirling colors forms with a crack. I'm bent at the waist to look as if I'm whispering into his ear. The Order stood in a group I knew who they were. Lily, James, Remus, Longbottom, and...Sirius. All wands were out and aimed at me. The Death Eaters would wait for my que. Till then, the remained silent and hidden.

I straighten, my left hand petting the man's face as a mother would. I looked on without worry as the Order stood at the ready, wands aimed at me.

"Let him go," James orders.

I laugh as I lift my wand again and use the tip to brush his hair from his face. The group shifts uncomfortably. Sirius doesn't.

"Why would I do that?" I ask after a silent spell on the mask to make my voice sound like a different female's. "I just got him."

"Let him go or will have to act."

I smirk under my mask. Teach them to act first. My hand stops to cup the man's face. When I go to pull my hand away the man whimpers grasping for my hand. The Order looks on with wide eyes as the man pushes my hand to his face.

"Sh, sh, little squib," I purr while petting his cheek again, he turns his face into my hand.

My hand goes forwards to grip his face tight. His dream like eyes snap open. Screams come from him as he tries to claw at my arm. He cuts my hand once as my hand slowly glows brighter and his screams slow then stop, his body shriveled.

I lift my hand from his face and Lily gasps, covering her mouth, turning to bury her face into James' shoulder. The man at my feet was shriveled like a mummy from ancient Egypt, face disfigured into a permanent scream. I laugh as they stand horror struck.

"You wish to stop us, but you act so slow," I chide still laughing.

"How's this for acting?" Sirius yells.

I dodge with a quick move. My mask dissapears in a puff of smoke as the edge of his spell got close to it. I laugh, my dark laugh rolling out in my own voice. I smirk as my hood falls and I look at them.

"You've always been the first to act, Sirius," I purr darkly. "But you've always been so slow."

Lily stared at me openly. James and Remus stared to. Sirius glared at me.

"I always knew you were evil," he sneers.

I wag my finger at him. A gust of wind blew at me strong, my robe blew out behind me to expose the cream corset top of my dress and a skirt that stuck out behind me like most wedding dresses from the wizarding world. Tom still chose the clothes in my wardrobe. One heeled foot stuck out. But my clothes are not what caught their eyes. The bulge of my stomach was and the bruises on my exposed skIn, I had let the spell disguising it all slip for a moment. My robe fell around me and the spell slid into place.

"Not always, Black," I drawl while brushing my bangs from my face. "I've just never cared. I'm evil now. Only because I was made this way."

"You talk too much!" the man I couldn't name from my group all but screams as he sees to come from nowhere. He's rushing the Order. I whirl, spinning into the path of his spell. It's stopped with a swirl of my wand. A flick of my wrist has the man on his knees. He screams in pure pain as I hold mynleft hand out stretched to him.

"Such a bad servant," I drawl while the man flies to me with the wave of my hand. My first spell fell as my hand closed around his throat. I turn us so I can keep my eyes on the Order and the man. "Should we make you Muggle? Or... Should we let you die like the other man?"

His eyes fall to the shriveled thing a few feet away. He grips my wrist tight, a whimper escaping him. I dove into his mind. An evil smirk came to my face.

"No. Neither will do. I know. Azkaban would be perfect for you."

I put my hand to his brow. He yells in pain as I twist his mind, taking any names of servants or anything to do with Tom, me, or my home out. I left his memories of before and just a fogged memory of being a Death Eater. I force in a spell so he can't say he was under spell.

My hand falls from his head. He looks up at me, trying to remember me. I put my index and middle finger to his left temple. I pushed in a message and set the spell so he only tells Dumbledore. I push him to the ground. I grab his wand from him and snap it over my knee.

The man stands slowly. "Please, Please!" he begs as his body walks for the Order. My eyes follow him. "I serve the Master well!"

He falls to his knees before James. I smirk as I look at James.  
"A gift for the one who leads you."

I duck and flick my hand with little thought. A burst of red misses me and Sirius flies backwards into the car. He glares at me through his hair. I straighten and brush my fallen hair from my face.

"If that is how you want it then by all means, let us have fun," I drawl while smiling.

Lucius, Bella, and Severus come out, spells flying. I had made sure to tell the no killing spells, this was to try and get them to act and break their no killing rule. I dodge and weave as I take on Longbottom and Sirius. James, Remus, and Lily wouldn't attack me.

My pale connected with the side of Longbottom's head, sending a quick spell into him. He crumpled, knocked out. I didn't have time to breath. Sirius' fist struck my belly. I fell with a shrill cry.

Pain filled me as I felt it. My wide horror struck eyes looked at my lap as I cradled my stomach, my spell had fallen. Everything stopped. My water had broke, all eyes were on me.

"Riana!" Severus calls as he pushes through James and Remus. Lily was steps behind him.

My wide eyes lifted to Sirius. He looked as shocked as me, he looked like he was trying to understand what he had done. Severus grabbed hold of my underarm and elbow, pulling me to my feet. I gasp in pain, eyes squeezing shut.

Lily grabbed hold of my other arm. My eyes snapped open. I threw her hands off, sending her a warning look. She looked hurt but she understood. In a blink, Severus takes control. He turns to look at Bella and Lucius.

"Go home and forget about this."

They leave in the blink of an eye. Severus sends a death glare at Sirius.

"Fool, look what you've done," he hisses at him. "She wasn't due for another month."

I bent forwards as a sharp pain caught me. Severus pulled me to him.

"It doesn't matter, Severus," I pant. "It's too late now. Their telling him now."

Severus looks horror struck. I straighten, painfully to look at him.  
"We have to go fast. He-" I wince but push on after a short breath. "Can't have them. Lily, take that man to Dumbledore. Now that they are gone I can speak freely. I'm put a message in him. He'll speak it when he sees Dumbledore. Hurt."

I grab hold of Severus and disapparate us to a planned destination. Poppy's.


	38. Chapter 38

Severus brings me to my mansion the next day around noon. I lean heavily on him, pale and weak.

Tom's there in seconds. The bundle is held to my chest tight. He rushes forwards to see. Severus doesn't let go until Tom holds me up. I move the blanket from the baby's face. I let my head fall back on his chest so I can smile tiredly up at him.

"A..." I take a slow breath. I was still very tired, I haven't slept yet. "Girl. I named her Roselyn Valentine Lothmeirr Riddle."

Tom looks down at the baby in my arms. I smile as I look down at her. She looked like me, but she had his mouth, hair and his slightly darker skin. I was milk white compared to his average skin color. A soft cry comes from her. I smile down at her. Tom looks at me. He had never seen this kind of smile on my face or the love.

"She's beautiful," I say while looking up at Tom.

He looked like he didn't know what to do. He said nothing. I could tell by the soft look in his eyes that he liked her. He lifted me from my feet and let me cradle the baby to my chest as he carried us to our room. He lay me on the bed. I looked at him questioning.

"Narcissa can watch Roselyn while you sleep," he says as Narcissa steps forwards to smile at me before gently taking her from me. I could trust her with Rose while I slept.

I passed out the second Rose left my arms. I didn't dream for once.

* * *

I awoke slowly. I was comfortable, warm. I turn and cuddle closer to Tom, resting my head on his chest. I knew he was awake. He was fully clothed. His arm around me tightened comfortingly. A sigh escaped my lips as I my arm draped over his hips held me to him.

"You were never sick."

I listen to it rumble through his chest. I didn't open my eyes yet.

"No," I say softly.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you would have locked me in the mansion and we wouldn't be this far into your work. I didn't tell anyone."

"Snape knew."

"He was there when I found out," I say, opening my eyes and looking up at him. "He helped me through most of it."

"Why didn't you return here or go to the hospital to have it?"

"I wanted Poppy to deliver my baby. I had asked her when I found out. Poppy's like a mother to me, Tom. I trust her with my life. I wanted the one doctor I trusted to do it."

He sighed, accepting my explanations. His hand gently swept my hair from my face.

"You're not mad about me not sleeping with you for that time?"

"No. Now that I know why. Next time tell me."

I look away from him quickly, hiding my look from him. He frowns as he looks down at me.

"We have to have a son," he says sternly.

My small hands grip his shirt while I hide my tearing eyes in his shirt, my hair falling over my face.

"Don't be childish, Ethriana," he chides.

I push away from him sharply. I avoid looking at him as I stand and stagger to the bathroom. I can feel him frowning at my back.

"Roselyn must not be enough for you then," I whisper softly before shutting the door and locking it.

* * *

I sit by the large window of Roselyn's room, rocking her as she eats. I smile down at her as I breast feed her. Severus is sitting on the couch across from me, reading one of my books with my notes in it. The door opens slowly. Severus glances over, behind me to look. He frowns openly at the person. It was no secret that Severus was my closest friend. Not many knew that I saw him as a brother.

"Ethriana."

Severus turns back to the book. I sternly ignore him as I brush Rose's face softly. She paused for a moment for a breath before drinking once more.

"Ethriana, you know I care for Rose."

"Then why have you avoided her for the last month?" I ask softly, not wishing to disturb Rose.

"I'm a busy man."

I say nothing. The silence gets to him.

"Why don't you wish for another child, Ethriana?" he demands with a light growl.

Severus almost throws the book as he snaps it shut to sneer at Tom.

"Because she almost died trying to have the child she now holds," Severus sneers. "It was a miracle either of them lived! If she has another she will surely die!"

Severus puts the book down as he goes to push on.

"Severus," I say softly.

He stops, all anger leaving instantly. He looks at me softly. I had tears in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Riana. I shouldn't have said-"

"It's fine. He would have found out eventually. Just go find something to calm down. Try that making potion I told you of."

He nods before leaving. I burp Rose before cradling her to my chest to hum her to sleep. Tom says nothing while he watches. He knew better than to wake her. I stand slowly and place her in her crib. Tom follows me from the room. He grips my chin once we get in the hall and turns my face to look up at him. There were light tears in my eyes. He softens.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What is there to tell? I survived and so did Rose. There's nothing more."

"Why didn't you tell me you couldn't have another? I thought you didn't want another."

"I've always wanted four, Tom. But my boby is too small. I should have known. But who thinks about it when they wish only to please their husband and have a house full of laughing children?"

That's something I'll never have. More children.


	39. Chapter 39

"Mum!" a child cries happily while holding her hand in the air.

I smile as I rest my quill in my book and stand. She sat in a small patch of flowers. She stands up as she smiles brightly at me. Her pretty brown hair was pulled from her face with a yellow silk ribbon. I gather the girl in my arms easily, resting her bottom on my slim hip.

"Where's da?" she asks as her light brown eyes prod my face for answers.

"At work, Rose. Da's at work," I say with the smile I reserved for only her.

She smiles brightly. Her eyes lighting up. I couldn't hide my smile as I kissed her cheek.

"Can we see ont Lin?" she pleads as I carry her to the table I had just left.

"Can you keep it a secret and not tell Da or anyone?"

She nods eagerly while I grab my book. I smile as I pass the book off to an elf to put in my study. Rose looks about ready to cry if I tell her no. I set her on the floor in the parlor.

"Not today, but I promise we will go tomorrow," I say while bending at my waist to be at her level. I brush a finger over her cheek. "Your father shall be home soon."

She pouts but nods. She knew that Tom wasn't supposed to know, but she didn't know why. Rose rushes off to play with her toys by the fireplace. I smile and sit at the piano, my gloved fingers quickly finding their place.

The music fills the room as I play songs without thought and watch Rose play. I do not look up or notice when the sound of loud cracks that only apparation could cause echoed in the hall. I was half in a vision, thoughts trying to pool so I could finish my work, thinking.

"Uncle Sev!" Rose cries in joy suddenly, breaking me of my mind.

I turn to look as my hands pause. My now usual dress covered the bench and made me look frailer than I was and showed off my shoulders, upper arms and more of my chest than I was comfortable with. My smile drops as I spot the people with him.

"I told you no work her," I hiss while standing.

Rose looks at me from Severus' arms. She knew this voice. It was my 'scary' voice, as Rose put it. The men shifted. Severus said nothing. He hadn't come with them. He had come to visit us and had just found us.

The men at the door were not ones I liked. One was a werewolf, one was Lestrange, the last was... I sneer at the small fat male. He shifts, trying to look smaller and hide behind the two men. The back of my cream dress with its girlish bunched ruffles in the back and ridiculous train making it seem more girlish. The corseted top and white gloves to mid forearm weren't helping anything. My red hair was bound in ringlets and up in a bun. Tom chose my clothes still. He insisted I dress like this. Rose wore dresses similar to mine, but he favored her with more modest ones.

I glide forward to leave only five feet between the group and myself. Severus stood behind me at the fireplace. The wolf was eyeing me then looking off to Rose. His eyes wouldn't rest. Lestrange looked down at the floor like a good servant. Peter cowered like always if not worse than ever.

"Why are you here?" I demand in my icy tone. Rose had learned long ago that I used it when with people I don't care for.

"He sent us to get Roselyn," the wolf says boldly while looking me in the eyes with a snarl like smile.

"No!" I snap.

He jerks back a few steps with a hissing grunt of pain. The front of his shirt had blood slowly showing through. He sneered openly at me. I was furious. Rose clung to Severus in fear. Severus whispered to her soothingly and hid her eyes from the men.

"Do not lie to me, wolf," I hiss darkly while I shift my position. "Your mind is as open as a book. My husband would never send my child with you. Lestrange."

"He has asked that we inform you that he shall be returning. He wishes for you to have the elves add a place for our newest memeber, Mistress." He's formal. Just as most of the servants were.

My head whips back to focus on the wolf. He looks at me boldly, daring me. His thoughts ringing clear in my mind. It was like the air in the room turned cold, harder to breath. I'm before him in a second. My small hand gripped his throat tightly. Lestrange backed away quickly, keeping his head bowed.

I yank the wolf down so his face is level with mine and our noses almost touching. My nails dug into his throat as my eyes locked with his. I was peacefully blank.

"Are you as stupid as a dog?" I purr, a smirk touching my lips. "You're broadcasting it all." He says nothing. His hands don't try to pull me off. He liked this. "You like this don't you. If you even so much as come near my child I will cut your male parts off and twist you so badly that you will wish you had never heard my name."

He yelled out sharply as I dropped him. He wreathed on the floor in pain. I watched it with a dark gleam in my eyes.

"Ethriana," a familiar voice calls, coming for the room.

The person stops in the doorway. He looks at the scene with a lifted brow.

"What have I missed?" he asks while stepping on the wolf to come over to me.

"Just teaching your dog who's really to fear in this house," I purr sweetly while smiling up at him, dropping the spell.

The wolf lay panting on the floor. He didn't glare at me this time. He used his wolf to help hide his thoughts. I lean up and kiss Tom on the lips briefly.

"Da!" Rose squeals while flying at her father's leg. Tom picked her up easier than I could. "Mum took muh to the wake today. We saw duckies."

"Call me father, Roselyn. You sound like a commoner when you speak like that."

Rose's smile falls instantly at her father's cold tone. Tears touched her eyes. Tom didn't even notice, he hadn't even looked at her since he had picked her up. I frown as I snatch Rose from his hands without warning. I send Tom a dark look before leaving the room in a huff.

Tears burst from Rose's eyes as I get across the hall fast and into the sun room. I held her to me and rubbed her back as she buried her face in my shoulder. He was always cold to her, she was at the age where she understood when she wasn't liked. She always tried to please him though.

"Shh, Rose," I murmur soothingly as I hold her and rock her us from side to side. "It's alright. Mummy still loves you, sweetie. And uncle Severus, and aunt Lin, and aunt Cissa too."

"Bu-bu-but Da doesn't!" she sobs loudly, gripping her small hands around the straps over my shoulders for the dress.

"Shh, my precious Rose. Your dad loves you."

"No lie, mummy!"

"Alright, Rosie. Tom loves nobody," I say while a tear reaches my eyes. It was true. It hurt to know that the man I was tied to by marriage didn't love me. Didn't love the child we had. Didn't love anything about us.

No. That's wrong. He loves my power. He loves that he can use me as a pawn. I glare at the wall as I silently calm my child. We both hated this. Well, Rose resented her father. She finally fell asleep in my arms. I continued to hold her though, even when my arms hurt.

The door opened. Severus gave me a look that showed he felt for me. He had offered to try and get us out many times. It hurt him to see us this way. He took Rose from my arms with one of his. His other went around my hips.

"Let's get her to bed, Riana," he says in a soft voice.

My glare was gone. I was just blank, a far off look in my eyes. I nod as I walk with him up to her room. He set her in bed, tucking her in as if she were his own daughter, kissing the top of her head as she had always wished her father would. I bite my lip as I look away.

I felt my heart clinch and my throat try to close. It hurt. It hurt so much. I missed him with all my heart. I had given up so much. Lost everything I cared for. Only to loose more and gain one thing to care for. Protecting it and caring for it in the din of the lion.

"I can't keep this up for too much longer, Severus," I whisper with my back to him.

"You have to."

"I know, Sev. I know." He puts his arm around my shoulders as we look out the window at the lake. My head rests on his chest, since I'm too short to reach his shoulders, and I sigh. This little bit of comfort was welcome.


	40. AUTHOR'S NOTE

To my readers:

I'm sorry to inform you all of the pathetic reasons behind my lack of updating. I've been in the midst, of moving for over a month now and still am not fully finished. During the first week of this move I lost the jump drive in the living room. Now this jump drive is my life. All of my stories, and when I say all I mean ALL, even one's I haven't posted. I have yet to have a chance to give a thorough search for it, and neither have my roommates. But do not fear. I will be searching soon. And I will pick up the stories.

But it may be a bit. I'm at the end of season for one of my jobs, and the boss and her cohort of a friend are slacking, in brain cells, and I spend more time stressing over solving this 'simple' issues that are unfathomable. I have no idea how they do it. Boss has been here two years and I still clean up after her blond mistakes. Now the other… Don't get me started. But I will be in a frenzy to help close the place down, and trust me it's a huge task. And after all of this, I hope to try getting on at the factory. Yay for better jobs.

And here is the kicker all:

**For Jezika fans**- I'm at a loss on where I was taking this. And I'm a bit stuck. If anyone has ideas, please please please tell this insipid author. I don't have that chapter after the last I posted for you all like I normally do.

**For Emaly fans**- I understand fully why I've not been able to post. I lost a gosh darned chapter somewhere and I found it. But now I have to go over it again and remember where I am. I believe the next chapter is written, but don't hold me to it until I have the jump drive. I know where I want this to go, but I don't have plot points set out, just hitting and missing with it. It's as much of a surprise for me as it is for you all when it comes out. I just happen to see it first. So keep an eye out once I put up the bulletin on my author's page when I find the drive.

**For Other fans**- Alright yall. Not sure I'm ever going to continue _Fire and Earth_. I royally ruined that somewhere and I can't, for the life of me, figure out where. But that was always just a wasting time kinda writing. I hate to say it though. I started it when I got bored in math class during high school and I would write on it every day, during math class. (It's a wonder that I aced that class. More of a wonder that I was never in trouble for not paying attention.) And now that math classes are over, until I get to college, I've not had reason to write on it. But I'm currently at a place without internet, so other stories I have posted on…sorry but they may not be continued either. Well, no, _Broken_ will be. That's a different story all together.

You see I started _Broken_ when I had a friend who was utterly depressed. And me being the nerd who doesn't get depressed, ever, I tried to understand her. And it's a fight for me to write that one. So I always have to upset somebody. And I loath doing that. SO! I've been trying to go on my own. And bugers' it aint workin'. So I have to bug my friend's again, try to get them to help me get a better feeling for well, this feeling. So hold on yall. It's a-comin'!

Thanks for taking the time to read this everyone. Please hold on tight, I'm going to fix all of this as soon as my special self can. And yes, I do so very much hope to never have this happen again.

_Gaibriel _


	41. BLURB

Dear Readers,

Sorry for the long wait on the update. But… I've currently run into a rut. I haven't really written anything on Broken or any other stories you are aware of. I have written a little on other stories, none really in the Batman or Harry Potter genre. Sadly I must admit that I have lost my muse for Broken, Harry Potter is a bit of a tangle of knots for me.

This Author's Note is to inform and enquire from all whether they would like to hear of my other stories or more of Broken and Potter. In the form of the last bit, I must put Broken up for adoption. I've little understanding of depression, if it was not noticeable to the eye within a few chapters. Not to mention I have lost all plans or ideas of where I originally wished for it to lead. I am willing to allow another author to take the reins and ride with it. There are a few conditions though, and they aren't too bother some. I want to a practice draft of where you would take the story, starting from where I have last posted and a short description of a few ideas, all preferably sent PM or email.

Please be warned that I hardly trust my own family or friends with reading my own works, let alone tell them my passwords for my drives or names for sites. As mentioned before, please message me.

Another story that is up, the sequel to the There Is No Turning Back The Clock. It will be the lives of the children. I will admit, I have nothing written for them, Nada. And It is completely open for any viewing eye to take hold of, but again please contact me with a short preview of the first chapter and a rough plot. I like to know that it will be in the right hands.

As for the other stories, they are numerous and vastly different, in my opinion. I'm currently on True Blood, Pirates of the Carribean, Anita Blake, and maybe a story or two on Repo! The Genetic Opera. Message me on your thoughts, y'all! I love to know what you all think. Thank you all for taking the time to read this useless blurb.

Gaibriel


	42. Chapter 40 THE END

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have found the reason why I couldn't write more! I LOST a chapter along the lines of when my last comp copped out on me. Chapter 39 to be exact. I am now up to date again. So no promises on updates, but I am severely sorry for the over a year wait.

My eyes looked over the book. Rose was out with Narcissa for the day.

"Ethrian. Are you listening?" Tom snarls as he whips around from his position at the window.

My eyes slowly lift, tired eyes taking their time in meeting his angry ones.

"You're friends from school are trying to make a laughing stock out of us."

"Not us," I say softly as my eyes drift back to the book.

"Then who, Ethriana?" He strides across the room quickly. "Why are you so transfixed on that book?"

I slip the book off the desk fast, holding it tightly to my chest, angry eyes on him. "Am I not to have my own privacy?" I snarl.

"Not when you are in my house, when you are my wife."

"THIS IS MY HOUSE!" I bellow, standing briskly. "I own this house and all in it! You only own me."

"AND THROUGH YOU YOUR HOUSE!"

I turn sharply, striding for the door out of the room. "I will not argue with you Tom Marvello Riddle."

The door slammed rather childishly behind me before I apparated.

"Happy birthday!"

The thunderous crack of my appearing caused all to jump. Wands of all shapes and sized aimed at my face.

"Hello."

Lilly stood quickly, lifting her son onto her hip as she rushed me. She lit up in a smile, hugging me to her with one arm.

"Oh, Ethriana," she breathes in my ear. "I've missed you."

She was beaming. I was not. Wands lowered, men still at the ready. I did not hug Lily back. Perhaps that is why she pulled back to slowly look at me.

"Ethriana?" she asks slowly, worry flashing in her eyes.

My eyes slowly lift to look at her own eyes. "I'm so tired," I whisper weakly.

"Ethriana!" she screams as my eyes flutter, body falling sharply as I lost myself.

"She looks thin," a male says.

"Because I'm sick," I snip tiredly as my eyes open sluggishly. A window was in my view, the sun shinning brightly.

"Really?" the male sarcastically growls.

"Sirius," Lily snaps.

Her hand held mine tight. "It was bound to happen, Lily," I say as I turn my head to look at Lily and Sirius. Sirius wouldn't look at me. It hurt to know he still held that grudge.

"You never said how."

"There is no future if one manipulates it to their will."

"There is no future without you," she snaps, her hands grasping my tightly, painfully.

"What is the point in trying to turn things back. We are here, now."

"You can always make amends."

I give a sad smile, hand raising to brush her cheek. "You were always so hopeful."

"You were always so content with the way things panned out," she laughs, tears in her eyes.

I sit up, pulling from her. "Did you give it to him?"

"He was the one who caught you."

"I have to go."

"You could stay."

I looked to the voice. James stood in the doorway with Remus. "James-"  
I look away, heart clenching. "I- I have an image to hold to. For the sake of all."

"Images were meant to be ruined."

I search his face. He had that playful smile he always had during school, eyes so much more mature. I flash a smile. "But plans must be laid out, Potter. And I must lay the track for the train coming for us all."

I stood, skirts wrinkled from being laid on and smashed under blankets. I do not turn to Lily as I smile at the small child. "Remember what I have said, Lily. Don't be afraid."

I apparated away then.

"Ethriana!"

Rose jumped as the doors to the living area were thrown open harshly. Severus rushed in furious posture, pain filled eyes.

"He betrayed them."

I whip around. My skin paled as I felt a pit sinking in my middle. "Who?" It didn't sound like it came from me. I felt so far off.

"Wormtail betrayed the Potters. He's on his way there now."

"NO!" I shriek, stumbling over my skirts as I stand.

"SIRIUS!"

"Leave me be!"

"Don't do it!"

"You don't understand! You're as bad as him!"

I stumbled back a step, eyes tearing up. "Please, Sirius," I plead just above a whisper. "Please don't do it."

He pushed me out of the way easily, leaving quickly.

I screamed his name, forgetting the muggles around us. Only Sirius, the short mane, and me. I ran as fast as my feet would allow, shoes forgotten.

"It's not his fault!"

I passed Sirius with ease, taking the small man by surprise. We fell in a tumble of limbs and skirts, a chaotic mess. I lay heaving over the smaller man, wide eyes on Sirius as he neared us. His wand was aimed steady and true.

"You always found a way to simplify things," he mocks as I let out a shuttering strangled sob.

"SECTUMSEMPRA!"

It's ironic. My own spell used against me. Perhaps that is the way it was meant to be. Karmic.

My lips push open, a bit of something warm leaking out of the corner. I lay stunned, body violently shaking, choking on pain and some thick liquid. It hurt. It hurt so much.

Sirius stood stunned. Eyes wide as he looked down at my form, blood soaking the front of my once pristine white gown. Wormtail was gone, my pleading served as a distraction he needed for escape.

"You didn't…"

I let out a wet, coughing laugh, pain on the hinges of it. "Some how- It seems- right."

He dropped fast, aurors flooding the area fast. "You didn't stop me!" he yells as the aurors hold him down, some coming to my slowly fading form.

"Sirius," I wheeze, a slow smile on my lips, the one I showed his so often during school. "Watch them."

"ETHRIANA!"

Perhaps that is how it was meant to be. Perhaps that is how I was meant to leave. There is no perhaps. It is all how it was, all how it is. In the end, things work out, leaving some of us behind. Some of you all wish to go back. To turn back time.

There is no turning back the clock.

Only the future.


End file.
